Band Candy

Giles:  "Please pay attention.  A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college."
Buffy:  "Gee, thanks.  That takes the pressure right off."
Giles:  "This isn't meant to be easy, you know.  It's a rite of passage."
Buffy:  "Is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce something or cut something off?"

Buffy:  "I broke my No. 2 pencil.  We'll have to do this again sometime."
<Giles gives Buffy another pencil>
Giles:  "... 'C) All systems tend towards chaos.'"

Mr. Trick:  "I know a beast who knows a guy."

Mayor:  "I made certain deals to get where I am today.  This demon requires its tribute.  You see, that's what separates me from other politicians, Mr. Trick.  I keep my campaign promises."

Buffy:  "And then I was being chased by an improperly filled-in answer bubble screaming, 'None of the above'."
Willow:  "Wow!  I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams.  Probably not."

Oz:  "There's this whole trick to antonyms, but... this isn't the place."

Willow:  "Oz is the highest scoring person never to graduate!"
Buffy:  "Isn't she cute when she's proud?"
Oz:  "She's always cute."

Cordelia:  "Are we killing something tonight?"
Buffy:  "Only my carefree spirit."

Willow:  "Oz is the highest scoring..."
Cordelia:  "We know.  We did the impressed thing already."

Xander:  "It's totally fascist, and personally, I think it discriminates against the uninformed."
Cordelia:  "Actually, I'm looking forward to it.  I do well on standardized tests.  What?  I can't have layers?"

Buffy:  "I'm supervised 24/7.  It's like being in the Real World house.  Only real."

Willow:  "Ooh!  Candy bars!  Lots of 'em!"
Xander:  "Principal Snyder, thank you!  You weren't visited by the ghost of Christmas Past by any chance?"

Xander:  "Those tall, fuzzy hats aren't cheap, huh?"
Oz:  "But they go with everything."

Buffy:  "I'm sure we love the idea of going all Willy Loman, but we're not in the band."
Principal Snyder:  "And if I'd handed you a trombone, that would be a problem, Summers.  It's candy.  Sell it."

Joyce:  "Buffy, what I would do with forty chocolate bars?"
Buffy:  "You could hand them out at the gallery.  'Buy something pre-Columbian, get a free cavity.'"

Buffy:  "You're a good mom."
Joyce:  "The best."
Buffy:  "No, I'm pretty sure the best moms let their daughters drive."

Buffy:  "I'm not taking off again.  Besides, if I wanted to, I could just get on a bus."

Joyce:  "Don't you think Mr. Giles is monopolizing an awful lot of your time?"
Buffy:  "And does he ever say he's sorry?"

Buffy:  "Okay, you're just doing this to take funny pictures of me."

Buffy:  "You ran out of new training ideas about a week ago, huh?"

Angel:  "It's late.  How'd you get away?"
Buffy:  "It was easy.  Started a fire in the prison laundry room.  Rode out in the garbage truck."

Buffy:  "Do you guys want to watch some television?  I hear there's a very insightful Nightline on."

Joyce:  "Were you at the Bronze?  What was happening there that was so important?"
Buffy:  "Bronze things.  Things of bronze."

Buffy:  "You're both scheduling me twenty-four hours a day.  Between the two of you, that's forty-eight hours."

Giles:  "Let's not, uh, freak out."
Buffy:  "'Freak out'?"

Cordelia:  "I heard there's a secret rule that if a teacher is more than ten minutes late, we can all leave early."
Buffy:  "It's Giles' turn to watch Study Hall.  He'll be here.  He's allergic to late."

Cordelia:  "He is wound a little tight.  I had this philosophy book checked out for, like, a year, and he made me pay the fine even though it was huge.  I was sad to return it.  It was perfect for starting conversations with college boys.  Of course, that was BX."
Buffy:  "'BX'?  Before Xander.  Cute."

Xander:  "I like chocolate.  There is no bad here."

Willow:  "I went to, like, four houses and they were gone.  It's like trick-or-treating in reverse."
Xander:  "I know!  These things are selling like hot cakes.  Which is ironic 'cause the hot cakes really aren't moving."

Xander:  "The band.  They're great.  They march."
Willow:  "Like an army.  Except with music instead of bullets, and usually no one dies."

Cordelia:  "Where is Giles already?  I'm bored and he's not here to give me credit for it."

Principal Snyder:  "Everybody expects me to do everything around here because I'm the principal.  It's not fair!"

Ms. Barton:  "Let's just sit quietly and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure old Commandant Snyder's gone.  Then we're all outta' here!"
Xander:  "Does anyone else want to marry Ms. Barton?"
Cordelia:  "Get in line."

Joyce:  "Take the car, and Mr. Giles can drive me home."
Buffy:  "What?  Excuse me, I meant WHAT?!"
Joyce:  "Keys.  Take them."
Buffy:  "You don't have to tell me twice.  Well, actually, you did, but... bye!"

Willow:  "Tell me again how it happened?"
Buffy:  "I told my mom I wanted to be treated like a grown-up, and voila!  Driveyness.  Also, I think she wanted me otherwhere.  Considering my mom and Giles are planning my future, I think it's easier for them to live my life if I'm not actually there."

Willow:  "Are you sure about the Bronze?  I mean, the S.A.T.'s are tomorrow."
Buffy:  "We can study at the Bronze.  A little dancing, a little cross-multiplying."

Joyce:  "You've got good albums."
Giles:  "Yeah, they're okay."
Joyce:  "Do you like Seals & Crofts?"
Giles:  "..."
Joyce:  "Me neither."

Joyce:  "So, why do they call you Ripper?"
Giles:  "Wouldn't you like to know."

Joyce:  "Hey, Ripper, you wanna' watch TV?  I know how to order pay-per-view."

Buffy:  "Let's do the time warp again."
Willow:  "Maybe there's a reunion in town.  Or a Billy Joel tour or something."

Willow:  "You okay, Ms. Barton?"
Ms. Barton:  "Oh, I'm cool, Willow.  Willow.  That's a tree.  You're a tree.  Are there any nachos in here, Little Tree?"

Willow:  "This is not normal.  Maybe that goes without saying."

Principal Snyder:  "Call me Snyder.  Just the last name, like Barbarino.  Oh, I'm so stoked!"

Principal Snyder:  "Hey, did you see Ms. Barton?  I think she's wasted.  I'm gonna' have to put that in her next performance review 'cause... 'cause I'm the principal!"

Willow:  "I don't like this.  They could have heart attacks."
Buffy:  "Well, maybe there's a doctor here."
<Old man hops on stage, then dives off>
Willow:  "I think that is my doctor.  He's usually less topless."

Buffy:  "They're acting like a bunch of us."
Willow:  "I don't act like this."

Mr. Trick:  "That's the reason I love this country.  You make a good product, and the people will come to you.  Of course, a lot of them are going to die, but that's the other reason I love this country."

Oz:  "Teenagers.  That's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?"

Willow:  "It just gets more upsetting."
Buffy:  "No vampire has ever been that scary."

Buffy:  "This has Hellmouth fingerprints all over it."

Principal Snyder:  "Whoa, Summers!  You drive like a spaz!"

Willow:  "It'll be okay when we get to Giles."
Oz:  "Of course.  I mean, even if he's sixteen, he's still Giles, right?  He's probably a pretty together guy."
Willow:  "Yeah, well..."
Oz:  "What?"
Buffy:  "Giles at sixteen?  Less Together Guy, more Bad-Magic-Hates-the-World-Ticking-Time-Bomb Guy."
Oz:  "Well then, I guess your mom's in a lot of trouble."

Joyce:  "That's cool!  Very Juice Newton."

Principal Snyder:  "This is great!  Let's do donuts in the football field."

Joyce:  "You are so cool.  You're like Burt Reynolds."

Willow:  "Anybody else all creeped out and trembly."

Buffy:  "Something's weird."
Oz:  "Something's not."

Buffy:  "So, where are all the vampires?  The soup's on, but noone's grabbing a spoon."
Oz:  "Something's happening.  Someplace that's else."

Buffy:  "It's gotta' be the candy.  It's cursed."
Principal Snyder:  "Curse?  I've got curse?"

Buffy:  "Go to the library and look it up."
Oz:  "Candy curses?"
Willow:  "Disturbing second childhood.  Got it."
Buffy:  Rat Boy and I are going to the source."

Joyce:  "You wanna' slay stuff and I'm not allowed to do anything about it.  Well, this is what I wanna' do, so get off my back!"

Giles:  "Oh, for God's sake, let your mum have a sodding candy bar!"

Buffy:  "Mom, look at your car.  Look at that dent the size of New Brunswick.  I did that."
Joyce:  "Oh my God!  What was I thinking when I bought that geek machine?"

Buffy:  "Listen to me--"
Giles:  "No, you listen to me.  I'm your Watcher, so you do what I tell you.  Now, sod off!"

Principal Snyder:  "Hey, Brit-face!  Wait up!"

Ethan:  "You guys can go any time."
Buffy:  "Ethan Rayne."
Ethan:  "You might want to hurry."

Cordelia:  "Mom started borrowing my clothes.  There should be an age limit on lycra pants.  Dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire."

Xander:  "I don't get this.  The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff... never mind."

Cordelia:  "You wanna' swap?"
Willow:  "What?!  'Swap'?"
Cordelia:  "You wanna' swap.  This book is really thick, and I'm not sure it's in English."

Giles:  "Bloody hell."
Buffy:  "That's what smoking'll do to you."

Buffy:  "Look, a box full of farm-fresh chicken."

Principal Snyder:  "So, are you two... kinda'... like... um... going steady?"

Buffy:  "So, Ethan, what are we playing?  We're pretty much in a talk-or-bleed situation.  Your call."
Giles:  "Hit him."

Giles:  "He's lying.  Go on, hit him."
Buffy:  "I don't think he is.  And shut up."
Giles:  "You're my Slayer.  Go knock his teeth down his throat."

Buffy:  "Which brings us to the bonus question, and believe me when I tell you a wrong answer will cost you all your points."

Principal Snyder:  "She whupped you good, huh?  I can do that.  I took Tae Kwon Do at the Y."

Buffy:  "See if you guys can find something to tie him up with."
<Joyce hands Buffy a pair of handcuffs>
Buffy:  "Never tell me."

Joyce:  "Something's gonna' eat those babies?"
Principal Snyder:  "I think that is so wrong."

Giles:  "She says she never saw who took them.  Dozy cow."
Buffy:  "I know who took them."
Giles:  "Well then, let's do something.  Let's find the demon and kick the crap out of it."

Principal Snyder:  "You go do that thing with the demon, and I'll stay here in case the babies, you know, uh, find their way back."

Giles:  "You filthy little poncer.  Are you afraid of a little demon?"
Principal Snyder:  "If you want to splash around in the poo, you're the filthy one."

Buffy:  "I need help, okay?  Giles, I need grown-ups.  These children are gonna' die if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly.  There is no room for mistakes.  Besides which, you guys are just wigging me out."

Buffy:  "Snyder, go home."
Synder:  "I can do that."

Buffy:  "Giles, we're going to the sewers."
<Giles and Joyce are kissing>
Buffy:  "And don't do that!"

Mayor:  "Carol?  Hi, yeah, call Dave on the public works committee tomorrow about sewer maintenance and repair.  I have some concerns regarding exposed gas pipes, infrastructure, ventilation.  And, um, cancel my three o'clock."

Mr. Trick:  "Ordinarily, I like other people to do my fighting for me.  But I just gotta' see what you got."
Buffy:  "Just tell me when it hurts."

Mr. Trick:  "You and me, girl.  There's hot times ahead."
Buffy:  "They never just leave.  Always gotta' say something."

Joyce:  "Can we go home now?"
Buffy:  "Yeah, we can go home.  I've got the S.A.T.'s tomorrow."
Joyce:  "Oh, blow them off.  I'll write you a note."

Mayor:  "This didn't turn out the way I had planned."
Mr. Trick:  "Where's the down side?  You just got yourself one less demon you have to pay tribute to.  The way I see it, I did you a favor."
Mayor:  "I guess you did.  In the future, I'd be very careful how many favors you do for me."

Principal Snyder:  "You look like four young people with too much time on your hands."
Oz:  "Not really."
Cordelia:  "Busy like a bee, actually.  Bee-like."

Willow:  "'Kiss rocks'?  Why would anyone want to... oh, wait, I get it."

Buffy:  "It was just too much to deal with.  It was like nothing made sense anymore.  The things that I thought I understood were gone.  I just felt so alone."
Giles:  "Was that the math or the verbal?"
Buffy:  "Mostly the math."
Giles:  "Well, if you scored low, then you can always take them again."
Buffy:  "More S.A.T.'s?  Is there really a point?  I could die before I even apply to college."
Giles:  "And then you very possibly might not."
Buffy:  "Well, let's just keep hope alive."

Giles:  "I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it?"
Joyce:  "Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan."
Buffy:  "Hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened.  At least I got to the two of you before you actually did something."
Joyce:  "Right."
Giles:  "Indeed."
Joyce:  "Yes."