Willow (about Buffy's surprise party): Guess you won't be killing anything tonight after all.
Buffy: Don't be so sure.
Anya (interrupting Giles' story): I'm bored. Let's eat.
Xander: Anya, we talked about this.
Anya (to Giles): I'm sorry, that was rude. Please continue your story. (She smiles proudly at Xander) Hopefully it involves treacle and a headmaster.
Giles: Go eat.
Buffy (introducing Giles to Riley): Giles was the librarian at my high school.
Riley: Ah, I've seen the library. It's gone downhill since you left.
Buffy (about her surprise party): Of course, you could smash in all my toes with a hammer and it would still be the bestest Buffy birthday bash in a big long while.
Giles: Perhaps we should have invited Professor Walsh to the party.
Buffy: Oh no. I mean, she's like forty. She's got better things to do than hang out with a bunch of kids.
Xander (while Spike packs up his things, including Xander's radio): That's my radio!
Spike: And you're what, shocked and disappointed? I'm evil.
Anya: So what kind of place are you looking for?
Spike: I don't know. Maybe a crypt. Someplace, you know, dark and dank — but not as dark and dank as this.
Anya: It's pretty depressing, isn't it?
Spike: I've known corpses with a fresher smell. In fact, I've been one.
Walsh: So, the Slayer.
Buffy: Yeah, that's me.
Walsh: We thought you were a myth.
Buffy: Well, you were myth-taken.
Walsh: It's only our methods that differ. We use the latest in scientific technology and state-of-the-art weaponry, and you, if I understand correctly, poke them with a sharp stick.
Buffy: Oh, it's more effective than it sounds.
Walsh: I think you'll find the results of our operation most impressive. Agent Finn here alone has killed or captured — how many is it?
Riley: Seventeen. Eleven vampires, six demons.
Buffy: Oh. Wow. I mean that's... seventeen.
Riley: But you killed the... You did the thing with that... You drowned! And the snake?! Not to mention daily slayage of... Wow.
Buffy: It's no big, really. Hey, who wants ice cream?
Riley: Buffy. When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. It turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse.
Giles: Once you get to know her, she's a very unique girl. I hope you're not going to push her—
Walsh (interrupting): I think I do know her. And I have found her to be a unique woman.
Giles: Woman, of course. How wrong of me to choose my own words.
Willow: You know. I'm sure you know. Riley's... one of the commandos.
Giles: What?! Well that's marvelous, isn't it? Here I am, spent weeks trying to get a scrap of information about our mysterious demon collectors and no one bothers to tell me that Buffy's dating one of them?!
Giles (drunk): You know what gets me? This is what gets me. Twenty years I've been fighting demons. Maggie Walsh and her nancy ninja boys come in; six months later, demons are pissing themselves with fear. They never even noticed me.
Giles: What am I? I'm an unemployed librarian with a tendency to get knocked on the head.
Buffy: I'm spending today with Riley.
Willow: Oh yeah, I forgot, that's what you always do on days when the Earth rotates.
Spike: Well. What do I spy with my little eye? A demon. That would be — oh, right... the things I can kill.
Giles (about Ethan): You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a good being killed.
Spike: And I'm supposed to do this just out of the evilness of my heart?
Willow: It stole Giles' car!
Xander: Why would a demon steal a car?
Anya: Why would a demon steal that car?
Spike (describing Giles and Ethan): Two of them. English like me, but older, less attractive.
Riley: Buffy, I can't take you with me.
Buffy: You're not taking me with you. I am going and I am letting you come along.
Spike: How ya feeling, mate?
Giles: Like snapping necks until everyone's dead.
Spike: Now that's a Fyarl demon. Good for you.
Buffy (preparing to stab demon-Giles): This is for Giles!
Giles: For me?
Ethan: I've really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It's the stay and gloat — gets me every time.
Giles: How did you know it was me?
Buffy: Your eyes. You're the only person in the world that can look that annoyed with me.
Giles (excusing himself after Ethan is arrested): If you don't mind, I'm just going to go watch them manhandle him into a vehicle.
Riley: You're really strong. Like, Spiderman strong.
Buffy: Yeah. But I don't stick to stuff. But, yeah.
Riley: And you're in charge. You're like, make the plan, execute the plan. No one giving you orders.
Buffy: I'm the Slayer.
Riley: I like it.
Buffy: Yeah?
Riley: But give me another, oh, week to get ready, and I'll take you down.
Buffy: Uh-oh, you have but-face.
(Giles looks confused.)
Buffy: You look like you're gonna say but.
Riley (about Buffy): She has the truest soul I've ever known.
Walsh: Oh no. Spontaneous poetic exclamations. Lord spare me college boys in love.
