I/O Infliction Suggestions!

Do not try this at home. If you do, don't bother suing me. I hereby waive all responsibility for said stupidity.

"Cut Mix"

1. Take a serrated edge knife and gouge into abdomen.

2. Pull wound open, slitting sides if necessary.

3. Insert Chex Mix.

"Flaming Vision"

1. Stab eyes with a corkscrew. Pour steak sauce and vinegar into eyes.

2. Scream.

3. Dial 911. (Since you can't see, it'll probably end up being #44.)

"Grindfuck"

1. Take a live chainsaw to your genitalia. Works for both sexes.

2. Bleed a lot.

"Hackysack" (for guys)

1. Ask a friend to demonstrate his hacky sack skills with your testicles.

2. Fall down.

"Hackysack" (for gals)

1. You know how you can break a hackysack in by running it over with the wheel of your car? Do this, but only after inserting it into your vagina.

2. Clean off tread marks.

"Stab yourself in the fucking throat."

1. Stab yourself in the fucking throat.

2. Die.

"Brain waves"

1. Hotwire your microwave so that it will work with the door open.

2. Set it for 7 minutes, power level 9.

3. Stick your head in.

4. Press "Start."

"Burning Desire"
(WARNING: Get your partner's permission before attempting!)

1. For lubricant in sexual intercourse, use kerosene, gasoline, or lighter fluid.

2. At the height of passion, drop a match, preferably lit, onto your genitals.

3. Try to keep going.

4. OWWWWWWW!!!!

"Puree" (for guys)

1. Lower genitals into a blender.

2. Push "puree."

3. Whirrrrrr - split-split-Splat!

"Puree" (for gals)

1. Two words: Egg beater.

"A Hole In My Heart"

1. Have someone impale you with a post-hole digger.

2. Hurkk. Gurgle. Sploo.

More to come!

Email: shigbigger@netscape.net