All night you're there talking to this girl, letting go of a compliment here or there, taking a peek at her ass every now and then, and then BAM! the bitch starts stumbling and all you know is that you have to become Captain Parent and take control of the situation. So you take the girl to Wawa, buy her some hot tea, hold her hair back as she attempts to throw up and then slowly walk with her as she tries to regain herself. You take her inside and clear the way to the bathroom and leave to her own. She sits, attempts to settle into a state of kosher and then BAM! her eyes lock on you and you're her escort out the door so she can throw up on the steps. No, they don't lock on you because they want to thank you for all you did by unzippin your pants and takin you to the back, but they instead lock on you because she knows you will hold her hair back one more time as she actually throws up. Then when you offer to give her water and then take some of it away to clean the step she just spewed all over, she's more concerned on the condition of her shoes and askes that you clean them for her.
So now the bitch is done. She's gotten the uneasiness out of her tummy and everything is kosher. You're holding her, telling her everything is all right and you're racking up some major brownie points and it seems like you could make your move and get rewarded for your kind actions but NOOOOOOOOO! Her friend pops out of the door suddenly and is overcome with this great concern for her friend's care, AFTER having spent the entire night drinking and dancing, and just having a good ol' time while you were outside freezing and having to become sober since "two drunks don't make rights."
SO, like a Presidental escort, ALL the girls flood out of the bar and swarm around this drunk girl who YOU just helped through the worst part of the drunken storm and escort her away to safety. Oh, NOW they're concerned, since she's vulnerable now and might be in the mood to thank you for all your kind actions by slipping some sausage between her teeth and tasting the goodness of your baby batter.
A hero's job is a thankless one, but be warned all those who would look after a girl when she's drunk and spewy: No head for you. No head at all! Well... not unless you can make her think that making her suck on it will settle her stomach... but that's all up to you.
Captain Parent AWAY!