Wednesday JANUARY 1, 2003
Today we bundled up and went outside to make snowangels in the yard. I stood on a milk crate to take pictures as soon as my mom laided Destiny down to make her angel she was cold she goes mom its chilly. I snap two pictures and we came inside. I will have these pictures put to a cd and try to have Auntie Cindy put them on the webpage when she has more time. I have tryed to put the pictures on there I just don't have the time to adjust the setting and so forth.
I want you all to know how much your support means to us it goes hand in hand for all the thank you I am able to let you know. Your support and love has been unending I want you to know how much it touches our hearts. Put your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right shoulder and squeeze that is from all of us here in freezing Anchorage.
LOVE THE SANCHEZ FAMILIA.
Monday January 6, 2003
Tonight I sit here with tears clouding my eyes as a mother I am to support, love and take of my children I fight for everyday I have with them yet I sit here and beat myself up tonight the battle that rage within me I sit on raw emotions at night when it comes time to putting Destiny to bed lately we say our prayers I turn out the light I lay down with her and about ten to fifteen minutes of holding each other she starts to kicking me then it turns to hitting me I push her hands and feet down, I sit and tell her I love her but it gets worse then she blows into such a fit. That if I move her hands and feet or move over so she can not hurt me it becomes screams of I hate you and I lay there and let her know its ok I love you and we'll get through this yet tonight I feel like I am drowning in this sea of emotions. If i get up she screams until she makes herself sick and if I push her away I don't want her to think or feel I don't love her, yet at the same time I can't allow her to hit me or anyone else. Then at times I tell myself its her way of letting go from the day or how she feels its her way of telling me how mad she is at me and everyone else involved in her day to day care.
WHAT DOES TOMORROW BRING TO YOUR DAY?
Our mornings start with the alarm clocks followed by pumps alarming, we start the day with a shower get dressed then some breakfast then out to start the car off to work. I have always felt I could make a difference in one person's life a day then I have set forth in motion what God has intended. Right now I feel like I have fallen into this river of negatively I have lost alot of respect for most of my co-workers for how they treat the doctor- they are asking to be taken out to lunch, extra time off when we have patients the only time I hear them say thank you only if they are given something. I don't do my job for pats on the back I do my job because I love it and my boss and his wife deserve 119% of my time there. I don't mind being the bad guy in the office somebody has too. Is my feelings towards my co workers effecting how I feel at the end of the day with Destiny? YES!! I am finding this inner peace within my heart and soul is a struggle I have to find who I am again to find what path I need to be on. I know with every fiber in my soul that I believe in God and know that Jesus takes me everystep of what I do but right now I feel like a lost sheep. The enemy has been working on me and I am breaking. 99.999% I wake up with a smile on my face and ready to start a new day but this last weekend I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was in a bad mood causing my sister and I to argue. I guess I just need to know I am making the right decision when it comes time to Destiny and for me to write this out to get it off my mind. I have to stand before God on judgement day for my actions and decisions for myself and my children.
Friday January 10, 2003
Been a busy week Destiny has had a couple of really good nights my family is helping at night when it comes to bed time. On Wednesday 1/8/02 Destiny had an appointment with Dr. Wellmann I had to work so my sister Cacelia took her. Destiny's weight was 26 pounds Dr. Wellmann was able to turn down the out put on the battery from 7.5 to 4.5 giving the battery 15 months and no echo was done. Now for me to let you know my feelings in the last 10 months it has never read the same amount of months left on the report. No reports or tests will be sent down to Seattle until the battery has 4 months according to Dr. Wellmann since I am only her mom I feel a report should be sent down now for the doctors to read and see the output from month to month I also feel it would be better to send Destiny into surgery while she is healthy and we have room for error. I realize God is telling me it is not time to move forward but I feel like I am stuck in the middle I am not moving backwards but yet I am unable to move forward I have family members wanting to join us in Seattle for the next surgery nobody can buy a ticket if we have no answers. Not running an echo always bothers me because one has not been done since November. Ok to change the subject we are trying a new medicine so we don't have to give the Lovenox injections twice a day- for the last two days Destiny has been able to take one medicine by mouth we will take it one day at a time. Hope you all enjoy our snow angle who is one the front of the web page. We will be going into the hospital next weekend for the Dobutamine check up I am now questioning if we should go in every month for that. So on the side note I am going to go I will post more this weekend.
Saturday January 11, 2003
I have laughed so hard today at two different times Destiny called up to her grandma and she goes wake up , wake up grammy. Then grandpa was watching tv in his room and Destiny walks in and goes rise and shine. It was just to funny to listen to way she talks something you forget that she is only 3. While we were filing paperwork today I asked if we needed to keep a notebook Destiny nope nothing. As some of you can see Auntie Cindy did a great job loading in two new pictures to share with all of you. Destiny and I are in the middle of sending all our chemo angels "Thank You notes" I didn't realize how many people write to Destiny on her birthday and at Christmas time. We have had some great days no urping at night and going to bed has been much easier since I broke the other night spilled my guts the prayers have been answered for so much help in our day to day lives Thank you all for your support. So I have had a few days to digest what Dr. Wellmann's last appointment I will work as many days as I can to save money for the next trip. I know God is telling me to slow down and not hurry anything that when the time is right the Lord will guide us to Seattle protecting us the whole way. I know the timeframe will be in his timing not mine. I am taking time to stop and smell the roses. I want you all to know how much your help means to us I am able to face yet another day at work and tackle on the evening with a peace on my mind and the weight off my shoulders. Tomorrow night my sis and I are going to see 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding" I have heard it is great I will let you know. I can't wait the last time I went to a movie was back in June if the movie was playing during the day would be even better for those of you in the states it will cost $17.00 for two of us to go at night not including popcorn and a drink. It just makes me shiver with what they charge here for movies most of the time we wait for them to come out on video and rent them for $2.00 oh wait then I would have to watch them late at night after Destiny goes to sleep so most of the time when I rent I end up watching the first 30 to 45 minutes at night then getting up early to watch at least the last 15 to 30 minutes at the end. I kind of piece the middle together. Well need to catch some sleep will see you when I see you. My thanks and love to all of you for your daily support and always reading what I have to say.
Sunday January 12, 2003
Destiny has decided to have the bee sting injections instead of taking the pill it makes her gag just to bring it out and give it to her. I went to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding today I loved it. Growing up with a large family and cousins all around me I was laughing so hard. I am going to buy this when it comes out growing up in a small town we always would go visit family or they would come to visit us the part where she goes I have 26 first cousind is an incredible part of being a big family. If you come from a big family you can relate to the all the family coming over for dinner any given night and if you come from a small family you learn to enjoy the quite times you have. My sister and I were just rolling I have not enjoyed a movie like this is so long. If you have not seen this go see it its great. If you have had the pleasure of seeing this I hope you enjoyed it. Our weather here is warm it has even melted some of the snow which is nice. You just have to be a little extra careful when driving. You have to watch for all of those still speeding and hitting a icy spot. I did cleaning from boxes I have kept for years I got rid of so much paperwork and junk I have needed or forgotten I had it felt so good I have said to do one more closet by the end of the month and feel even better I was shredding papers that the machine got hot and turned itself off so I had to wait a couple of hours to continue. I went through seven boxes and now only have two. I feel like I brand new person when I look at what I finished. May tomorrow bring sunshine to everyone you come in touch with. God Bless you and keep you safe-
Wednesday January 15, 2003
We are having some better nights, I would like to for all of you to know how much your emails and cards mean to me they come from your heart no questions just an understanding and knowing that you are there is more then you will ever know. I know where God is in my life and what path I am taking but I realize how he has put all of you in our lives for us to help you as much as you are helping us. I want you to know that Destiny has a mission and her outreach is being followed do you realize this website has been accessed close to 1300 times since I started it last year in May how incredible. At the times when I have so much running in my brain I just have a brain fart and need to run I am not into perfect letter writing when I am trying to keep up with my brain I am only trying to type as fast as my fingers will let me sometimes read between the lines. It is freezing cold I left a bottle of water in the car this morning and when I got home this evening I have ice crystals through out the bottle. BRRRR guess its finally time to bring out the flannel sheets YEAH. I am going to catch some winks and will post in a couple of days. Once again I want to thank all of you for being there for us, know I would be there for you if you needed someone to listen as well. Ruth
Sunday January 19, 2003
Today we went to our buddies Shawn's, Destiny played with the kids, made cookies and even got her hands dirty spinkling the cookies then Trista served her super and she ate 5 bites of spanish rice and 3 bites of pork I was so tickled. Destiny and the rest of us had a blast. We were heading home and it was raining more like a ice rain I was driving about 55 when the car in front of me hit a path of icy and took a slingshot into the ditch so I slowed down to 45 and took my time. I would have drove out to see the Stockwell's it was an incredible day.
Thursday January 23, 2002
I called Dr. Scott today to let him know Destiny is running low on fuel and she had a bloody nose last night. So we are going to the hospital tomorrow for a tuneup we will come home Tuesday I will probably post when we come home but let you know what goes on. At five this morning Destiny woke me up and said mom my nose is running I went over wiped her nose but let my eyes focus and realized she had blood on her face I tryed to play it off like nothing so I told her I need to get a washcloth to wipe your nose ok, so I'm wiping her face and she sees the face cloth mom its blood no its not is what I tell her then she its blood mom its blood so I said no I cut my finger its ok she goes where mom then is looking at my fingers to see where. I was trying to play it off like it was a runny nose She is to smart for a three year old. I come home today from work and Destiny and her cousin Jordan have put on Destiny's makeup on her face Destiny has one eyebrow, purple cheekss with eyeshadow, and red lips it was cute so tonight she got a quick bath. I bought Destiny cupid wings and headband. Well my eyes are dry and I need to take my contacts out and get some sleep I have my air mattress packed and ready to go.
Tuesday January 28, 2003
A quick hi, hello we came home yesterday no problems a little low blood pressure readings while lowering the dobuatamine but everything worked out. Dr. Wellmann made some med chances Destiny is having trouble with keeping a sterile dressing over the central line she keeps ripping it off during the night. We have changed it everyday for the last 7 days in a row now, I was able to have her pharmacy send something different over and we will try that the problem is she is allergic to the dressing but this needs to stay on and the site needs to stay covered so infection does not find a way in. I want to share with all of you the best item ever bought for the kids it looks like a go cart without petals it has a seatbelt, comes with a helmet it has IV poles on the back for you to put your bags and even a plug for the cords this was way COOL to see Destiny being pushed by Dr. Scott and again by one of the nurses is nothing I can describe in words other then seeing her smile said it all. Destiny is able to stay mobile with the fun of being in a go cart. Hoping the hospital will buy more at some time down the line, Dr. Scott even pushed Destiny out to the car yesterday when we came home. Seeing is how I am dragging butt tired we are going to catch up on some serious sleep, Good night and God Bless you all for keeping us in your prayers.
December's Daily Journal
Destiny's Daily Journal
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