SARDAR JOKES

 

Banta and Preeto Playing Golf

Banta and his wife, Preeto love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
Banta has his lesson first.
After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, Banta you are gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks Banta.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you had hold your wife`s breast."Banta takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 100 mts. straight up the fairway. Banta goes back to his wife with the good news, and Preeto can`t wait for her lesson. The following day Preeto goes for her golf lesson.
The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you are gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the Preeto.
"Hold the club gently, just like you had hold your husband`s penis."
Preeto listens carefully to the pro`s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP.
The ball goes straight down the fairway about 3 mts.
"That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you are supposed to!" says the pro
Sardarji was declared the winner
There was a competition, for writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition that the story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery. A Sardarji was one of the participant with others.
Sardarji's turn came after many attempts by others. Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and read : "Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients !!
Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh God : religion
my wife: sex
going to deliver a child : suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery ?" asked one of the organizers.
The sardar replied : who is the father ??
Sardarji was declared the winner for writing the shortest story
Banta and Preeto’s First Night
On their first night together, newlywed Banta and his wife Preeto go to change. Preeto comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe.
Banta says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful Preeto opens her robe, and he is astonished.
"Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture."
Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"
Banta answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".
Preeto smiles and he takes her picture, and then Banta heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe.
Preeto asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now."
Banta opens his robe and Preeto exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture".
Banta beams and asks "why?"
Preeto answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"
Banta’s Jalebi, Honey & Darling
 Santa was invited to Banta's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Jalebi, Honey, Pyaari, Darling, Sweetheart etc.
He was impressed, since the couple had been married almost 40 years.
While the wife was in the kitchen, Santa said, 'I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call bhabhiji those pet names.'
Banta hung his head. To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago.'
Sardar call from Kashmir
Sardar : Went to kashmir on official duties and called to his house over the phone.
Servant  picks the receiver  on the other side
Sardar : Who is speaking?
Servant : This is servant speaking sir.
Sardar : Where is the Memshaub?
Servant : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom Sir.
Sardar : What? I am her husband calling, came to kashmir today.
Servant : What can I do now sir?
Sardar: Open the cub board, pick the Gun, and shoot both of them, come back and  tell me, Till then I am holding  the line.
After a few munites ... there was a sound of 2 shootings  heard  ... and...
Servant : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?
Sardar : Just open the back door, throw both of them into the well
Servant : I can open the back door, but how can i throw both of them  into the well from this third floor the well is on the ground floor Sir?
sardarji#1 : What...? Are you on the third floor?
Servant : Yes Sir
Sardar: Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
Jeeto’s, car accident
Santa's wife, Jeeto, was involved in a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body for grafting on her face to do the reconstructive surgery.
Santa offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was so well done she looked much more beautiful than she was before the surgery.
One night Jeeto and Santa were in the bedroom when she broke down crying.
"What's the matter?" Santa asked.
Jeeto said "I can't believe you did this for me."
Santa hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and would have done anything for you."
But how am I going to repay you?" she asked.
To which Santa replied, "You don't need to repay me... you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get whenever I see your mum kissing you on the cheek.."
Banta Singh in hospital
Banta Singh had been admitted in the hospital for three weeks now. His nurse was extremely harsh and annoying and he couldn't take any more.
One day Banta Singh was having his breakfast, saw the glass on the table the nurse had brought for the urine specimen and had insisted he fills it. He took apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen glass.
The nurse came in to check on him and saw the glass was full looking at the specimen. In her annoying voice, she snickered, "It seems we are a little cloudy today."
Banta pretends to be angry, snatches the glass from  her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time."