PART 7
It had been another two weeks and Team Seven was still no closer to finding the Scorpions or their new head honcho. Ezra had been working undercover, but was having a hard time getting close to Monday. And it was Slade Monday Chris wanted. They’d arrested a few of the group’s flunkies and two-bit suppliers, but none of the big fish seemed to be biting. It’s not like he didn’t have plenty of other cases to keep his team occupied, but Chris’ mind refused to let go of this one.
He moved silently through the row of cubicles his men shared and caught a glimpse of Josiah and Buck near the elevators. Chris stopped when he saw a familiar black-haired youth standing with them, Buck’s arm draped across his shoulders. He hadn’t planned to deal with this yet, but today was as good as any.
Chris pushed through the glass doors and struggled to hold on to his composure when J.D.’s eyes met his and the kid turned on that contagious grin.
"Hey, Chris!"
"Thought you weren’t supposed to be back ‘til after the weekend. Did you ride in with Buck?"
"No, damn fool rode his bike." Buck answered for him, then turned his attention back to J.D. "Even after the doc and anyone else with half a brain told him not to."
J.D. shook his head and turned to Chris. "I’m fine. Just needed to get out of the apartment before I went completely crazy."
Chris nodded slightly. "Wait for me in my office, J.D."
He noticed the worry clouding the young man’s face and realized his tone sounded more menacing than he’d actually meant for it to.
"Ohhhhh, you’re in trouble now, kid." Chris heard Buck tease as he stepped through the door and for a brief instant he considered changing his mind, but he’d already been over that with himself. Best to get it over with, quick and painless as possible. Yeah, sure, Chris. Who are you trying to fool?
Chris made his way to the break room and poured his coffee slowly. He was stalling, dammit, and he knew it. Was he was still hoping a revelation would come to him like a bolt of lightning from a stormy sky, giving him another option? He released a heavy sigh, not surprised, but still disappointed when no such vision showed itself.
He’d mulled this over in his brain for over three weeks now and he always came to the same conclusion. No declarations from heaven would likely change his mind now.
*******
J.D. sat fidgeting in the worn leather chair across from Chris’ desk - waiting. The chair wasn’t uncomfortable, but in J.D.’s personal experience, a call to the leader’s office usually meant big trouble.
J.D. leaned forward and peeked around at the doorway, but Chris was no where in sight. The young agent sighed heavily and grabbed the bottled tornado that Buck had given Chris as a joke. He began to shake the clear vial, amusing himself watching the tiny whirlwind inside.
"Fascinatin’, ain’t it?" Chris’ quiet voice caused J.D. to flinch and the mini-twister nearly flipped from his hands.
"Uh, yeah, pretty cool." J.D. grinned nervously as he heard the door close and he quickly returned the toy to the desk.
"How ya feelin’?" Chris’ tone was all business, but J.D. could see genuine concern in the man’s blue-green eyes.
"Oh, I’m fine, Chris." J.D. leaned back in his seat and let himself relax a bit, hoping this was merely a formality before he would be allowed back to work.
"Buck said you’re still favoring your side some."
"I’m still a little stiff is all, but the doc said I’m officially healed." J.D. smiled broadly, but Chris’ solemn demeanor and his intent stare began to wear on his newly found confidence. "Well, ok, almost."
"J.D., I think you need some more time…"
"Gee, Chris, I’ve been off two weeks already and I’m goin’ crazy sittin’ around watching Judge Judy and pretending to be Wayne Gretsky on Play Station. I can still help you guys ‘til I’m movin’ around better."
Chris bit the inside of his jaw. "J.D. I’ve talked to Travis and we’ve decided it’d be best if you worked with Butler."
"Butler?! Hell, Chris they’re all just a buncha computer geeks! I don’t wanna get stuck with those boring guys, even if it’s just for a week."
"J.D., I’m not talkin’ about a week."
"Ok, I’ll take two tops, but can’t I stay in my own office?"
"J.D." Chris’ stern tone was low, deadly serious.
"What?" J.D. stared at Chris. The older man’s face was as pale as J.D. had ever seen it. Chris seemed almost tongue-tied.
"I’m transferring you to Butler’s department - permanently." Chris glanced quickly at the storm clouds visible through the frosty glass of his window before returning his gaze to J.D. "I’ve decided you’re just not cut out to be a member of my squad."
J.D. felt dizzy and nearly choked on the bile he felt rising in his throat. He let out a high chuckle, searching his boss’ eyes for any hint of the joke he prayed this had to be.
"Did Buck put you up to this – cause, geez, Chris, you had me going there…" J.D. grinned half-heartedly.
"You’re a good man, J.D. and you’re very good at what you do, but you’re just too inexperienced in the field. I think you’d be more of an asset to all of us workin’ in Butler’s department."
Chris pursed his lips together and looked down. J.D. suddenly realized this was no friendly ribbing. He couldn’t have been more stunned if Chris had rammed a dull knife through his heart and he was sure that couldn’t have hurt nearly as much as his hero’s words just had.
"If you don’t think I’m pullin’ my weight around here, I can do better, I mean anything you want me to do, I’ll do it. I promise I won’t be such a screw-up, and I won’t even ask for the exciting assignments anymore." J.D. knew he was begging, but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t prepared for this and he couldn’t think of any other defense against Chris’ accusations.
Chris never looked up. "I’ve made up my mind, J.D."
"Chris, please, don’t…" J.D. fought the tears trying to form in his eyes, but he couldn’t stop the quiver in his voice.
"Butler’s expecting you at 8 a.m. Monday."
J.D. swallowed hard and stood up, slowly backing toward the door. He struggled to breathe as black spots swam in front of his eyes, his brain still refusing to comprehend what he’d been told. What had he done to get himself kicked off the only team he cared to be a part of? His vision tunneled and he could feel the walls threatening to close in and suffocate him. He had to get out, had to think about this and what he could do to get back into Chris’ good graces. The horrible thought stabbed through his mind that maybe all his friends felt this way, maybe they all wanted him gone.
J.D. didn’t remember opening the door and running through the maze of office cubicles. He heard Buck yelling for him, Josiah too, but he kept going, too many muddled thoughts rattling like marbles in his skull. He had to sort it all out first, before he talked to anyone, even Buck. God, surely Buck doesn’t want to get rid of me too? Does he?
He didn’t even glance at the elevators, he couldn’t wait. Seven flights of stairs wouldn’t get him to his motorcycle any sooner, but he had to keep moving. The first few steps he took at a run, but the stiffness in his still healing side turned into pain by the second flight and forced him to slow down. By the time he shoved open the door leading to the garage, he was noticeably limping.
He saw the elevator doors begin to open and he knew who it had to be.
"J.D.!"
J.D. wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to speed up enough to avoid talking to Buck at all.
"Kid, stop a minute." He could hear Buck break into a run, but J.D. didn’t stop.
"I don’t wanna talk about it right now, Buck." J.D. grabbed the helmet from his bike and socked it on his head.
"Come on, son, just calm down and tell me what happened up there." Buck placed a strong hand on the base of J.D.’s neck and squeezed gently.
"I can’t. Not yet, ok, Buck?" J.D. turned to face his best friend. The look of sincere worry in the older man’s eyes nearly made him break down.
"Ok." Buck patted him gently on the back then handed him the red and white Avalanche jacket he’d left upstairs. "Here, you’ll need this."
"Thanks." J.D. quickly pulled on the down coat then painfully swung his leg over the seat of his bike.
"You know you can always talk to me, right?" Buck’s soft voice floated like a cloud into his confused mind and J.D. felt a twinge of guilt pierce his soul.
How could he have ever thought his best friend would have ever been a part of what had just happened? He’d learned a long time ago that there was no sure thing in this world; none, except that Buck would be on his side when he needed him.
"I know. I just need time to think first, ok?" He hoped his tone reflected the gratitude he felt, but he was afraid to say any more; his voice too shaky for his liking. He secured the strap on his helmet and cranked the bike. "I’ll be fine."
J.D. smiled half-heartedly before kicking the Ninja into gear and riding out into the drenching rain.
*******
"Do you wanna explain to me what just happened in here?" Buck slammed the door hard enough to rattle the glass windows, but Chris barely raised his head.
"I told him I was transferring him – Jack Butler’s been begging me to hand him over since J.D. fixed that glitch in his hard drive."
"What in the hell are you talkin’ about?" Buck leaned in over the desk, inches away from his boss’ face.
"Technically…I traded him for Pierce."
Buck felt pure fury welling up inside him. Chris was too cold, too unaffected by all this for it to be real.
"You traded him? You TRADED J.D. for another agent?!" Buck stood to his full height and slowly walked around Larabee’s desk. "He looks up to you like a damn god and you had the nerve to betray him by tossing him out like an old baseball card?!"
"Sit down, Buck."
"Who do you think you are?"
"I’m his boss…yours too, so sit down and listen a minute." Chris stood and locked eyes with Buck.
"Whatever you got to say I suggest you say it now cause I’m about five seconds from ripping out your forked tongue and wrapping it around your arrogant neck."
"It’s my team, and my call. J.D. being behind a desk ‘s gonna be better for all of us. Figured you of all people would agree to that."
Buck could feel the anger drain away as he realized what Chris was saying and shook his head.
"You can’t make his decisions for him, Chris. Lord knows I’ve tried to talk some sense into that boy, but he don’t want no other life." Buck’s rage was gone and his voice low and soft.
"Why should he? We strut around here like we’re the A-team or some crap like that, we’re a freakin’ Saturday matinee for that kid, how can he not get caught up in it? And you, me, hell, all of us sell him on this macho, ‘risking your life everyday is a cool way to live’ bullshit."
"I’ve never told him anything like that."
"You don’t have to, he sees us doin’ it everyday, but he’s too young to even realize the implications of how screwed-up this all can get."
Buck hated to admit it, but Chris was dead right. About all of it. Still his loyalties were torn between what he wanted for J.D. and what J.D. wanted for himself.
"So you want me to talk to him, explain things a little?"
"Nothin’ to explain. .. he’s goin’ to work for Butler, Pierce is joining us."
"Chris, I know what you’re doin’, but kickin’ him out is gonna kill him. I don’t know if I can go along with this."
"You’ve got no say in it, Buck. If he ends up hating my guts, that’s my problem."
"No, it’s not just *your* problem. It’s my problem, and Ezra’s and Vin’s and Nathan’s and Josiah’s too, so don’t think you can hurt J.D. like that and be the only one affected by it."
Chris narrowed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, his cold gaze never wavering, yet Buck knew he'd struck a nerve. Mission accomplished. He knew he could wear his old friend down eventually, was pretty sure of it in fact, but that didn't really matter right now. He had something a helluva lot bigger to worry about.
Buck turned and jerked open the door; on to his next mission - finding a distraught J.D. and trying to undo the damage Chris had just inflicted.
PART 8
Ezra knew he should be on the streets, trying to figure out a way to infiltrate Monday’s crew of smugglers. Yet, he was stuck in the office, trying to trace down leads that normally J.D. would have already had on his desk. He sighed heavily, his eyes watching the screen, but his mind couldn’t shake the announcement Larabee had made less than a half hour ago.
He looked over at Vin, wondering how he could remain so calm, while inside Ezra could feel his own face flushing as he fumed. At first he’d thought Chris was just blowing off steam as usual, that he’d change his mind by morning. Yet the longer he thought about the look in Chris’ eyes and the no-nonsense tone of his voice, the more he knew the man had made his decision.
J.D. was out.
Chris had called them all in his office to explain why J.D. had brushed past them, running out of the office as if he’d been set on fire. Buck apparently had already found out first hand and refused to hear Larabee’s excuses the second time around. The normally good-natured agent had looked like death warmed over as he dejectedly grabbed his coat and took off without a word.
Now the whole place hung thick with a morose loneliness that invaded Ezra’s bones as well as his heart. It had been bad enough for the past three weeks with J.D. gone. Ezra never thought he’d miss the loud banter that usually vibrated through the walls of his cubicle as J.D. and Buck teased, goaded and otherwise annoyed each other along with everyone within a three mile radius; yet they all seemed lost without it. If nothing else, he had to admit those two made the times stuck behind a desk more tolerable and he had actually been looking forward to J.D.’s return to the office. Heaven knows he’d keep that little tidbit to his grave.
But the silence seemed different now that he knew J.D. wasn’t coming back and Ezra felt the heat rise to his cheeks again.
J.D. was as competent as anyone in the department. Sure, he usually did things the hard way, got into more trouble than the other six combined. That was understandable. He was just young, eager, and too loyal for his own welfare, but he was a good kid. No, he was an exceptional young man who didn’t deserve to have his actions challenged by anyone, especially Chris Larabee.
Standish realized he was abusing his keyboard more with each word he typed in. He paused a moment, his gaze drifting to Chris’ closed door. How dare he tell J.D. he wasn’t worthy to be a part of their group of pariahs. Damn him.
Maybe it was because he’d spent more time on that side of the fence than he’d cared to recall. Maybe because he remembered what it felt like to be the outcast and he couldn’t bear to watch J.D. suffer through it. It was the pain of belonging his mother had always taught him to avoid. Friendships, marriages, children even, would lead to nothing but grief and pain. Ezra grew up learning how to push the hurt aside, learn to deal with it, at least on the outside. Until now.
It had taken a while for the others to break through his tough façade, the fault lying as much or more within himself than he’d wanted to admit. Now he had accepted the other six, affirmed their friendship, their loyalty and his place within the dynamics of the group. Now this. Ezra knew this team, this family mattered more than anything to J.D. And now Mr. Larabee had just snatched that away from him – from all of them. Damn him.
*******
Buck tried not to worry as he waited for his roommate to stomp through the door. He pulled aside the blinds for the hundredth time since he’d gotten home two hours ago. J.D.'s a big boy, totally capable of taking care of himself, right? Buck tried to rationalize away the nagging in his heart, but he might as well have tried to stop breathing.
Icy rain pelted the window and he shivered, hoping J.D. had at least taken shelter someplace warm and dry. Buck knew better than to go looking, no telling where that kid would wind up and the older agent figured he’d just wait for him here. Buck knew he’d eventually come home.
He let the shades fall back into place and punched in the number of J.D.’s cell phone – again. He knew J.D. had shut it off, but Buck kept trying anyway, just in case. The devastated look on his young friend’s face haunted him and he wished the boy would just come home so he could talk to him, and so he would know he was safe.
Buck paced back to the window, as if J.D. would show up from his sheer will of wanting it so. Nope. No brightly colored ‘donor cycle' chained under the awning next to his truck. Damn it! He had to do something, he was just standing around, not doing anything useful while J.D. ran around in the pouring rain.
The worried agent grabbed his jacket and his keys from the kitchen counter. He reached for the door then decided to leave the kid a note, in case he came back first. Buck quickly scribbled on the back of a manilla envelope in big letters and stuck it to the fridge with a South Park magnet. Gone to look for your sorry ass. Don’t leave until I get back."
Satisfied there was no way J.D. could miss that message, Buck pulled open the door and almost kicked the shivering form sitting on the top steps.
"J.D.!" Buck tried to sound mad, but the joy in his voice pushed to the surface instead. "Damn it, son, are you trying to kill yourself? Get in here."
Buck practically pulled J.D. to his feet and escorted him through the door. The kid stopped in the kitchen, his eyes staring at the floor, his motorcycle helmet clutched tightly against his chest.
"What the hell were you doin’ sittin’ out there?" Buck grabbed the helmet and scooted it onto the counter without looking and leaned down into the boy’s face. "J.D., talk to me, son. Why didn’t you wanna come home?"
J.D. turned to walk off and Buck grabbed his arm, his fingers wrapping around the rain-slick nylon of J.D.’s coat as he pulled the younger man around to face him. J.D. still refused to look at him and he had to resort to physically lifting J.D.’s chin to talk to him.
Buck felt his spirit sink as he looked into the boy’s red-rimmed eyes and saw the pain and desperation burning in their depths. Rivulets of rain slid from soaking bangs down his face and along his wind-burned cheeks, mimicking the tears Buck knew had been there earlier.
"I didn’t want you to see me like this." Buck watched as J.D. blinked hard, keeping his eyes from filling again, but he wasn’t as successful at keeping his voice from cracking with emotion.
The fragile words broke Buck’s heart and he couldn’t find any words of his own to offer. Instead he gently cupped the back of J.D.’s head and pulled him into his chest. Not a conscious move, just natural and instinctual; as much for himself as for the distraught young man in his grasp.
Buck leaned close to J.D.’s ear, the side of his face brushing against the kid’s wet hair as he whispered. "Now you listen to me, boy."
Buck pulled back so he could look him in the eye. "We’re gonna get through to Chris, ok? Just do what you have to do for a little while, play along for now. Chris’ll be beggin’ you to come back before you can start collecting all them Dilbert cartoons from the secretaries on the first floor."
J.D. forced a smile and let out a short laugh. "I know. I…I ain’t never been fired before, Buck."
"You didn’t get fired – just temporarily reassigned." Buck nodded his head at his successful redirection.
"Feels more like I got disowned." J.D. turned his head and wiped at his runny nose.
"Never, kid." Buck slapped him hard on the shoulder. "Now change into something dry and I’ll rustle us up something to eat."
J.D. peered from beneath the lock of hair falling to block his vision, his eyes wide with mock fright. Buck grinned widely as he watched the sparkle coming back into his friend’s gaze.
"I ain’t cookin’ nothin’ if that’s what you’re worried about." Buck replied snidely as he playfully shoved J.D. toward the hallway. "Now go before you catch pneumonia."
J.D. stopped half way and turned around. "Buck?"
"Yeah, kid?"
J.D. dropped his head briefly before straightening his stance and bringing his eyes to meet Buck’s. "Thanks."
Buck cocked his head and grinned. "What for?"
J.D. blinked hard, taken aback momentarily before he returned Buck’s smile. "For wantin’ to look for my sorry ass."
At that moment Buck didn’t care how justified Chris was or wasn’t in his judgment. It didn’t matter. All that made a hell’s bit of difference right now stood right in front of him. He’d get the kid back on Team Seven or Chris could run his crusade without him too. Buck wouldn’t stay where J.D. wasn’t wanted, wouldn’t work with a man, friend or not, that didn’t welcome J.D. Even knowing Larabee’s motives weren’t nearly as malicious as he’d wanted everyone to believe, Buck couldn’t bring himself to help him sacrifice the kid’s mental well-being. Not even to keep him safe.
That wasn’t his decision; nor was it Chris’. A man had to make his own choices, and whether or not Buck would ever willingly say it out loud, he realized J.D. had been a man for quite some time. Not that he would ever stop calling him kid or even thinking of him as one. Hell, he was still wet enough behind the ears to need somebody to watch him for half his waking hours. But J.D. was old enough to know what he wanted; and what he didn’t.
And he knew without a doubt, J.D. didn’t want this.
PART 9
