Rome, Italy

December 2006

What do you get kids for Christmas? Lori and I found cheap RyanAir flights and decided to take hers (Kate, 13 and Colin, 9) to Rome, Italy for the weekend before Christmas. As you do. We drove down to Stansted airport around 3am on Saturday December 16th and went through the usual in-bred, jobs-worth Stansted security, before boarding the 6am flight.

Having used Ryanair quite a few times this year, I always find it amazing to hear people moaning about "no seat allocation" or "we were charged for having over 15 kilos of luggage" etc etc. I tell them if they don't like it, then they should pay three times the cost for a better service with another airline or just shut the fuck up. There are many ways in which RyanAir try and claw back the discounts, but if you follow the rules and take your own food on board, you can sidestep all of them.

We arrived at Ciampino Airport on time at 10am and I tried out my Italian "Non ero molto in forma quando ho fatta la foto" (I was not at my best when the photo was taken). Then we had to wait an age to catch the recently established Terravision airport transfer bus, mainly because everyone else on the flight seemed to be trying to get on. There is a cheaper local bus but it only runs once an hour and it wasn't running on Sunday evening when we were coming back, so it was easier to just catch the Airport Transfer. Approaching Rome, the traffic was pretty horrendous - even the motorway was backed up.

Dropped at the main railway station 'Termini', it was just a ten minute walk to the Ascot Hotel (www.hotelascotroma.com) which I had reserved on the internet. An old close-the-iron-doors-yourself lift took us to the second floor where we were allowed to check in early and given a comfortable ensuite room with 4 beds and a TV for 100 Euros. It was clean, warm, cheap (for Rome) and central. Recommended. Every guidebook seemed to go on about the fact that this area was part of the dodgy 'red light' area but I thought the area was ok. We wandered around in the evening with no problem. The tourist tat shops were also the cheapest in town, run by Japanese and Chinese families.

Lori and I had both visited Rome a couple of times before, but she had never been inside the Colosseum so we immediately set off to walk there before it closed at 3pm. I was amazed to see long queues there around 1pm but they moved pretty fast and we were in before you could say 'I will seek revenge in this world or the next' (ref to 'Gladiator' movie).

No matter how dull you find history, you cannot fail to be impressed with the Colosseum "perhaps Rome's most awe-inspiring ancient monument" (Rough Guide). It was started in 72AD by the emperor Vespasian, who was trying to remove the embarrassing legacy of Nero (a bit like the next President of the USA will be forced to do with George W(anker) Bush). Nero had built himself a huge palace, the cost of which had taxed the locals beyond their patience. He was murdered in 68AD and the lake beneath the palace was drained. Amazingly, it only took eight years to build the Colosseum which has now stood for 2000 years despite earthquakes, fires, riots, wars and having its stone plundered to build other bits of the city.

Just the shell and the foundations of the edifice survives (and the effect of traffic pollution is becoming more obvious) but it is easy to imagine how it would have looked and what went on there. When it was opened, there were events for a continuous 100 days - men against men, men against animals, animal against animal. 9000 animals (lions, bears, rhinos, elephants) were killed in battles. You can look down on the labyrinth of tunnels that existed beneath the arena floor from where the animals were hoisted up. Looking up and around, there is little evidence of the 60,000 seating capacity or additional 10,000 standing. Looking out to the Arch of Constantine, we could see three wedding couples having their photos taken in billowing white wedding dresses.

The Colosseum stood near the Roman Forum and you just have to cross the road past the Arch of Constantine to enter what is left of the centre of the great ancient Empire in the world. It is more difficult to imagine what this area looked like. The gild and gold has all gone, as have the magnificent mansions and buildings. In 667AD, an emperor had all the metal brackets which held the buildings together removed and melted down to make weapons. After an earthquake, the whole place fell apart and the stones were plundered for other constructions.

The Forum contained all the political and religious institutions and was the main market and meeting place in the city. The Via Sacra (main strip) can still be seen running the length of the Forum. This was where the victorious emperors and generals would be paraded to give thanks to the Temple of Jupiter.

We climbed up Palatine Hill which didn't have much left but provided a spectacular view over the Forum. Down below, not much stands out anymore but the massive remains of the Basilica of Maxentius (4AD) still look impressive. It must have been huge. Next door was Temple of Antonio and Faustina which was the best preserved temple. We also passed the site where Julius Caesar was apparently cremated. The Curia was a large cube-shaped building where the Senate used to meet. You�d need a decent guidebook and a lot of time to fully understand what you were looking at in the Forum and as the winter light dissipated, we had to move on.

At the end of the ancient remains, we climbed up a hill and walked through a Piazza (Di Camridoglio) where troops of scouts and cubs were having an award ceremony beside old palaces and impressive statues. Around the corner lay the biggest wedding cake in the world. Well, that's what I call the Vittorio Emanuele Monument. It is a gigantic marble monument - the 'Altar of the Nation' was built at the end of the 19th Century to commemorate the unification of Italy. Considering how many governments the Italians have had in the last 50 years, I�m not sure they are unified. At the top of the stairs is the tomb of the unknown soldier, flanked by eternal flames and a permanent guard of honour which we saw change guards. There was also a huge equestrian statue (the largest in the world?) with an Italian king on top. Apparently his moustache is 3ft long. It was a good job the horse didn�t have a willy!

From the statue, we could look down on the Piazzo Venezia with the 15th Century Palazzo Venezia renaissance palace standing on the left hand side. Mussolini (short, fat and bald but the Italians used to like him) used to stand on the balcony to make his announcements - mostly about what ancient treasures he intended to destroy to build some decent city roads in his honour. Regardless of whether you like it or not, the Vittorio Emanuele Monument is still very impressive. We could see it at the other end of the Via del Corso and kept coming across it as we criss-crossed Rome.

Just before darkness, we strolled through the busy alleyways and shopping lanes to the Fontani di Trevi. We saw an old Rolls Royce parked outside an old church and strolled in to find an Italian wedding underway with the full Catholic service. Behind the bride and bridegroom sat two pairs of people - one pair to the left of the bride, the other pair to the right of the groom. I assume they were the best man, chief bridesmaid etc. I hadn't seen a set up like this before.

The Fontani di Trevi (Trevi Fountain) was heaving with tourists all having 'prat' shots of themselves throwing coins over their shoulders in front of a "huge, very Baroque gush of water of statues built onto the backside of a Renaissance palace" (Rough Guide). By throwing coins into the 1760 fountain, the tourists were hoping to guarantee their return to Rome. I threw in a 1p coin. I wasn't that bothered! It is, however, a lovely fountain and world famous. On the way home, we passed the lovely spot-lit fountains above the 'Repubblica' metro station.

During the day, I had started to go down with a cough/flu/chest infection - call it what you will, but my throat felt shredded and I felt lousy. We still managed to visit a local restaurant around the corner from the hotel early in the evening. I was under the impression that restaurants didn't kick off until 8pm but this one was packed at 7pm with a lot of families. We had an excellent meal and felt part of the local scene. I spent the rest of the evening washing down paracetamol with red wine in a bid to forget about my throat. Don't try this at home kids.

The next morning, we set off on a more extensive exploration of the city. We didn't have time to do anything in detail but just enjoying looking at Rome on a Sunday before Xmas. First stop on our tour was the Santa Maria della Concezione to visit the Capuchin cemetery next door - one of the more macabre and bizarre sights of Rome. Here the bones of 4000 monks were set into the walls of a series of chapels, a monument to 'Our Sister of Bodily Death'. Built in 1973, the bones were laid out in symmetrical patterns and designs (including an hour glass to tell you that your time was up). I had visited such sights in Portugal and Eastern Europe, but they are still fascinating. The designer had one problem. He ran out of bones and was forced to use prisoners who had been starved to death in gaol. Creepy!

From here, we caught a metro across the river to the Ottaviano St Pietro stop. From here, it was a ten minute walk through packed streets to St Peter's Square and another country. Two facts for you. The 'Vatican' is the smallest country in the world and the Papacy has the biggest pornographic collection in the world spanning a thousand years. At least this what I used to tell my groups when I took them around Rome.

The Vatican which was established as a separate sovereign state in 1929 is surrounded by huge walls and the entrances are guarded by the colourful 'Swiss Guards' who look like they stepped out of Renaissance times. But the colonnaded piazza of St Peter's Square (Paizza San Pietro) is open to the public and today it was heaving with tourists, locals and Christian groups all come to pay their respects. The queues into the Vatican museums and the Sistine Chapel were very lengthy and since Lori and I had both been inside, we decided not to spend half the morning queuing. Instead, we looked up at the Basilica St Peter with its enormous dome. The crowds drove us out within 30 minutes and we used our 75 minute metro ticket to get back across the river.

We got out at Spagna metro and walked to the 'Spanish Steps'. These sweep down in a cascade of balustrades and balconies next to the Keats-Shelly Memorial House where the English poet John Keats died in 1821. The Spanish Steps are really famous as a place to hang out and pose and the Romans were at it today. Trying to spot someone not on a mobile phone was problematic ("Yeah. Guess where I am. I'm sitting on the Spanish Steps. Yeah. I know. Its shit!"). We climbed the steps to the top where local caricature artists drew, er, cartoons of their customers and entered the 16th Century Trinita dei Monti church where a Catholic service was just finishing. The smell of incense filled my blocked nose. Good job we got out just before the nuns brought round the collection plates!

The Piazza di Spagna which stretches from the bottom of the steps along the street, revealed a McDonalds. The kids were hungry so Lori agreed to treat them. I sneaked in for a look before disappearing for 30 minutes. This McDonalds was different for two reasons. Firstly, it was pretty discrete - a narrow opening with a staircase up a floor. Secondly, it was furnished in classical Roman style (Fake white marble and statues). This was because there were many protests before it was built and this was McDonalds compromise.

Fuck 'em. I still wouldn't eat at a McDonalds especially with the hundreds of kids inside so I left with a "Ti possano venire dei figli con la faccia da babbuiniï"(May you children have faces of baboons) and instead took a stroll north and came across the Piazza Del Popolo with a couple of churches. I had actually been looking for the Mausoleum of Augustus. Doh!

The Via Del Corso, the main shopping street was packed and noone gave an inch. They just talked on their phones and crawled along in their Sunday finest and pretty much gave the finger to anyone else. I was able to utilise my Italian with expressions such as "Stronzo" (Turd) and "Cretino" (Cretin), "Valfanculo" (Screw yourself) and "Proprio uno stronzo" (Complete asshole). I can't say I warmed to the Romans and they certainly didn't warm to me. Like so many other places, they would be a lot better without the people who actually live there. Have I offended anyone? Good.

Suitably refreshed I took Lori and the kids on a Bob Jack 'magical mystery tour' of the old part of Rome. What this usually means is that I have a few sights in mind and we eventually find them, though not always directly and yet somehow always come across something more interesting than I intended visiting. If that makes sense. Here are a selection of places worth visiting:

The Pantheon - the most complete ancient Roman structure in the city and along with the Colosseum, visually the most impressive. Rebuilt by Emperor Hadrian in 125AD, it has survived whatever 2000 years threw at Rome. The dome with its 9m hole in the centre is still intact and was moulded as one complete piece of concrete/mortar. The hole was deliberate both as an astronomers tool and architecturally, it has been discovered, to keep the dome intact ever since. Sheer genius. The gild and gold have long gone, but the original marble floors are intact. I didn't intend to, but we spent 20 minutes inside and ear-wigging on the guides, came away very impressed. Around the back of the Pantheon was a cute Elephant Statute and Rome's only Gothic church - Santa Maria sopra Minerva.

Piazza Campo de Fuori - home to a fruit and vegetable market, flanked by restaurants and cafes and has a strange statue of Giordano Bruno, a 16th Century freethinker who was denounced by the Spanish Inquisition ("Noone suspects the Spanish inquisition") and eventually burnt at the stake.

Largo Argentina - the 1731 Teatro Argentina was apparently built on the spot where Julius Caesar was assassinated. Of more interest, across the road lay the ruins of four temples and an ancient public lavatory which is the home to a colony of cats. We counted 20.

Piazza Navona - Rome's most famous square and during our visit, where the main Xmas market was situated. In Roman times, it was a chariot race circuit. There are three impressive fountains that punctuate the square (the most famous - Fontana dei Quattro Fiumi - is currently being renovated but you can still see some of it). There were some great street artists too. It was definitely the best square we saw for atmosphere in a touristy kind of way.

Despite my criticisms of the locals, Rome is a great place to just wander around and see what you come across. You don't need to be an expert in history, art or architecture. It is useful to have a general idea of these things to put it all in context. I was very surprised just how many tourists were in town at this time of year. There were a lot of Chinese. The weather was mild - 14'c. On my next visit, I'll do the museums.

After a final look at the Trevi Fountain we walked back to the hotel to collect the bags we had left that morning, grabbed some takeaway pizza and dealt with the scrum at Terravision buses to get back to the airport for the 10pm flight. My throat was so bad, I couldn't talk by the end of the trip, but it had been nice to return to Rome after 18 years away and refresh my memories of the world famous sights. Recommended. Just remember to learn how to curse in Italian.