My Crazy Family
And the Pain and Suffering They Put Me Through!!!!
Here's the run down of my family.
Barry(Brutar)-father-46: Dad is "the man of the house." He will never believe that he is wrong in any way. This man is pure evil.
Julie-mother(Nurse Ratchet)-40: She's really weird. Maybe even weirder than Weird Al. No more needs to be said.
Sam(Sammy, Samu, Clammy)-1st bro-14: I remember when I used to hate him, not anymore though. Now he's pretty cool. He's a 4.0 student and he likes Magic the Gathering. In other words, he leads the Nerd Herd.
Ben(BennyBoy, Benjamina)-2ndbro-10: He is the coolest little brother anyone could wish for. He skateboards and all of MY friends love him. I shouldn't say this, but he used to run around the house naked.
Here's the animals.
Jack(dog): He likes to eat everything left on the floor. His favorite things to eat are paper plates and stuffed animals.
Molly(dog):She's weirder than Jack. Her and Jack love each other. Sometimes Molly humps Jack. Eeewwww, gross!
P.I.T.A.(Pain In The Ass):Not much to say about her, she's a cat.
Pearle(cat): Also not much to say.
Sasquatch(cat): Well, we don't consider her a cat. I haven't seen her for a couple months. She prefers to be elusive. Last time I saw her, I could have sworn that she was up to 25 pounds. I think it's time for Jenny Craig.
We also have two lizards. Loco and Porn, they are anoles. we just recent aquired Porn. I'm hoping that Porn is a female, then Porn and Loco could have little baby anoles. but first i suppose we should make sure that Loco is a guy. Wouldn't want any 'lesbian' anoles.
I wish it was easier to tell if a lizard was male or female. Why can't lizards have little weiners? It would be so much easier then.
We used to have three more lizards, but they died. It was sad, I cried.
Mojo was a chinese water dragon. Ben accidentaly killed him. Then there was Mr. Bean who died, he also was an anole. Ben and I tried to save Mr. Bean, we sent electrical shocks through him like they do on ER but it didn't work. Maybe you have to be a trained professional to save lizards.
Just recently, Stan the Man died. I will miss him greatly. We were very close. I don't think my heart will ever heal from this atrocity. The scars will linger forever.
I also had a Tomato frog. Nobody knew if it was male or female, so I just named it Rupert. As time went by, I grew impatient with Rupert, because he had the personality of a fucking door knob. I gave it away to a family how could properly care for him.
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
recently, jack has been on a never ending killing spree. i think that he has finally gone crazy. it must be from the pressure of living with my family. his specialty is water rats. if by any chance you see a black lab mix running around, i suggest that you approach with caution. he is considered dangerous.
his distinguishing marks are a constant trail of drool and the ever present blank stare when you call his name
DOWN with Hansen!!!
Email: stinkybut@hotmail.com
