This letter originally appeared on the MTV web pages. As it's an open letter and not an MTV-produced document, it's fair to reproduce it here for those who frequent the Music Pages. This is a genuine letter and more accurate and heartfelt than any press report you'll read.
I never thought the day would come where I'd be writing what I'm about to write right now!!! As I start this sad, painful, heartfull (sic)statement, my mind is spinning, I'm feeling torn in pieces inside but I need to get all this out of me and I want to share with my fans and allthe people that have been down with me through all these 14 years of Sepultura.
As I am the person who started (it) all, writing the name Sepultura in the back of my schoolbooks in Brazil, for me to go through whatI'm going through right now is like watching my own son or myself being killed. Music is something that I cannot explain to people how Ifeel about, it's my religion, my food, my drug, my own world that only I know what's going on, and I can't live without it.
That's why everything I write means so much to me and the people that it touches!!!
I want to let people know that I'm feeling not different than them hearing that all of our work is being forced to end; I'm crying everyday,I'm hurt, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm in complete shock, I'm feeling like half of me has died. Even my own mother has asked how the hell am Idealing with all this?!!
I would like to thank every single person who helped us through the journey, maybe (it) was fate or destiny that split us apart, I don'tknow!!! I did not want that to happen but it did!!! Unfortunally (sic) that's how life is, like I wrote on the lyrics for "Clenched Fist," "Lifeis chaos, you got to deal with it."
I'm dealing with the worst time of my entire life right now but I believe after all this suffering something good should arise!!! I intend tocontinue my mission, which is not about money, greed etc., etc. But about really believing in doing something that matters, that will stayfor eternity, that helps people get through life, that tells them 'Do not be ashamed to look the way you look, refuse and resist against thisfucked up society,' non-conformity always gonna be on my innerself!!! For the people that believe in me, I promise I won't let you down,our mission continues, unfortunally (sic) without Sepultura. But I'll always remember Sepultura as a band that never compromised, neversold out, never put up with the bullshit that goes on within the music industry, and for that I'm very proud of it and you should be too!!!
It wasn't my decision to split the band, me and Gloria were pretty much forced out of Sepultura. I have to be honest, the feeling insidethe band weren't (sic) like when we started, or the first time we ever play (sic) outside Brazil, but more like too many fucking "outsiders"telling everybody what to do, how to act and all this bullshit!!!
I got sick of it, I don't nee this shit in my life. I want to enjoy being in a band again, to create, to play, to laugh, to cry, to fight, to go afterthat impossible dream; and I want all of those feelings back and I know I'll find because one thing I'm certain I'm not is a quitter, to quitmusic for me is the same as quitting myself, so I can never let that happen. One of the things that hurts me the most is the fact that wewere such a united tribe at one point and sadly people started changing and acting different, with envy, greed, etc., etc...
All I can say, and that's from the deep of my heart; we were a perfect team, the four of us, Gloria, the roadies, the whole organizationand like they say in Brazil, "In a team that's winning, you don't change players," and that's so fucking true!!!
We could have replaced members or crew for more professional people, we stuck with each other; of course we could get a better bassplayer, or a superprofessional roadie, but that's not the way I believed things should be, we stay true to our tribe members, we help eachother!!! And then, all of the sudden they gave Gloria letter saying she was no longer representing Andreas, Igor or Paulo, without afucking reason, simply fired by the three other guys. This is not the tribe I believe in anymore. I'm sorry but I'm faithful and loyal to thepeople that have been good to me and I won't change my ways for nothing!!!
I think that's why everything is like it is. No respect, no sympathy, I can't work this way. I just want everybody to know, I never quitSepultura, I never destroyed Sepultura, and I try (sic) all I could to fix the problem, but it was far too deep, far too late and unfortunally(sic) people forget where they came from, how we got here?
The days of sleeping under the stage in Brazil, touring for the Morbid Visions L.P., the days of total sacrifice in the name of the band, todo anything to get us somewhere, to come to the States with a free ticket from a friend without a f**king dollar in my pocket, yet withthe goal in my mind to get us a deal, through blood and sweat, come back with a contract or something. When we couldn't afford a hotelso the band and the crew were fed and housed by Gloria at her place in Phoenix.
What happened to the respect we felt for her, because she work (sic) with us for a year with no pay and no contract, simply because shebelieved in this group so much!!!
I'm sure I (sic) never forget any of that, and that's why I know I'll continue!!!
Fuck, it's finally off my chest, still hurts a lot but it makes me feel better that you get to hear from me instead of the bullshit gossip and liesthat are going around! Again, I'll continue our mission and I'm gonna keep writing and fighting for me and the people that believes (sic) itlike me!!! Thanks for all the people that never let me down!!!
Under a pale grey sky, we shall arise again!!!
