Rightwing Conspiracy Newsletter # 41

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Bush calls on NASA To Put Man On Mars, But Presidental hopeful John Kerry calls on NASA to put man on the SUN

By Alberto Gore

WASHINGTON D.C. - At a recent visit to the NASA facilities in Cape Canaveral, Florida, John Kerry expressed hope U.S. astronauts would be able to land a man safely on the sun within 10 years.

ďOne of our earlier Presidents set the goal of landing a man on the moon and that certainly sounded remarkable at the time. I see no reason why we couldnít eventually get a man to walk on the sun without injury," Kerry said.

John F. Kennedy was just one year in his office when he challenged NASA to put a man on the moon by the end of the decade. In the summer of 1969, Neil Armstrong made that journey, setting the stage for future space exploration and dozens of botched missions costing American taxpayers billions of dollars.

John Kerry urged NASA engineers and geologists to begin mapping the sunís surface for signs of oil, telling them what an incredible source of energy the sun could be and how America could lead the rest of the world in harnessing this great power. "There's oil in them hills," Kerry joked to some polite laughter.

Kerry argued the journey should also include important research that might shed light on why the sun becomes hotter during the summertime and why it continually circles our planet.

"The only way to unlock the sun's mysteries is to have our astronauts do a lunar landing on its surface," said Kerry. "Then, they can collect all of the astrological information we need. With this information we might one day find a way to cool off the sun and put an end to global warming."

Kerry said after he is elected President he will tell  NASA to successfully complete the mission during his administration. Kerry also said To prevent the astronauts burning up, they are going to launch at night.

"I envision a day, where we will no longer risk blindness by staring into the sun," Kerry said. "Where, during a particularly hot summer, we might be able to turn a knob like on the thermostat which would draw a gigantic shade and give us all temporary relief. I realize this sounds like science fiction, but thatís what we said when we first started watching Star Trek."

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