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Weiner’s Voice Mail

Barney Frank: Anthony, this is Barney Frank. I didn’t realize you had such leadership potential in you. This will certainly move you to the top of the list for a committee chairmanship. You have the insight of John Conyers and the silky smooth chest of Gerry Studs: a lethal combination!

Jesse Jackson: Anthony, this is Jesse Jackson with a message of forgiveness. There is salvation in the party. Democrats don’t care if you are texting, sexting, or if she’s 16. There is no illegitimacy too tall, no pregnancy to great, to stop you from entering our pearly gate! Just make sure you don’t sext my baby girl! Or my babymoma, OK?

Bill Clinton: Anthony…or should I say Tony the Weiner? This is Bill. All I can say is “Wow! WHAT…A…STUD!” The only thing bad about this is you can’t go on Oprah and talk about it. Just keep sticking to your guns and stay in office, and you’ll be back in no time!
Call me. Let’s hang out together.


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