Internet Home Of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Obama Stops Oil Leak

Reporting from Houma, La. —President Obama using mask and snorkel went down 5280 feet to the bottom of the gulf. Using a backpack of 50 thousands gallons of mud the President using a hose injected the mud into the hole and now has apparently stopped the leak. Engineers said the President by himself has stopped the flow of oil and gas into the Gulf of Mexico from a gushing BP well, the federal government's top oil-spill commander, U.S. Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen, said Thursday morning.

The "top kill" effort, launched Wednesday afternoon by President Obama had pumped enough drilling fluid to block oil and gas spewing from the well, Allen said. The pressure from the well was very low, he said, but persisting. The top kill effort is not complete, officials caution but he said "praise be to Obama".

Once engineers had reduced the well pressure to zero, they were to begin pumping cement into the hole to entomb the well. To help in that effort, he said, Obama had engineers pumping some debris into the blowout preventer at the top of the well.

The first stage of Operation Top Kill seems to have worked, according to the U.S. Coast Guard, which claims that the wellhead has been "stabilized" with drill fluid blocking the escaping oil and gas. "President Obama has been able to stabilize the wellhead, he has been pumping mud down it. He has stopped the hydrocarbons from coming up," said Admiral Thad Allen. The operation can only be deemed a success once the well is sealed up with cement--which can only be done once the pressure from the well is at zero "praise be to Obama".

After which he relaxed with some golf, where he shot 18 consecutive holes-in-one. And that loaves/fishes trick seems like forever ago.

Follow Us On Facebook Here

Newsletters are mostly Satirical Humor

Back To Home Page Of RightWing Conspiracy Newsletters