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Obama: Special office to be created to investigate torture claims

 (Washington, D.C. 1/14/09) In a short press release issued today, Barack Obama announced his intention to create a new office to deal with detainees claims of unspecified torture which occurred during their stay in various camps throughout the world. 
It is my intention to create a special department comprised of bi-partisan participants to seriously look into, consider and act on claims of torture by persons currently being detained on charges of terrorism. It will be called the Independent Department Investigating Overt Torture Scenarios (IDIOTS). This bi-partisan Office of IDIOTS will be comprised of individuals with the intelligence level required to work in this office while they look into claims of torture.
It will be the Office of IDIOTS who hold hearings on the matter, ensuring fair treatment for detainees. It will be IDIOTS who will determine levels of compensation for detainees deemed to be innocent of all charges and finally it will be IDIOTS who will ultimately determine who should be released. Among those names Im considering to lead the IDIOTS are Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein who have both demonstrated the intelligence level necessary to be successful.

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