We all have our disagreements
with President Bush. Immigration, U.S. Attorney firings, Iraq, Darfur,
etc. are all hot topics these days. The following "speech" was written yesterday
by an ordinary Maineiac
(see Google). While satirical in nature, all
satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. An excellent piece by a
person who does not write for a living. Sent with the author's permission.
The speech George W. Bush SHOULD
Normally, I start these things out by
saying "My Fellow Americans." Not doing it this time. If the polls are any
indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know
something terrible has
happened, and that you're really not
fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I
quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid
impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: there's
been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm
fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no
understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in
this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to
do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a
bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls show that the
majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record
numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while
we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is
at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as
it ever was during the Clinton
Administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to
have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of
9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than
ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine
about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices
are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and
because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and
beachfront property than your economic security.
We face real threats in the world.
Don't give me this ~blood for oil" thing. If I was trading blood for oil I
would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to
hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied People Died' crap either. If I was the
liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in
Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the
intelligence was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought
Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in
Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton'
established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we
face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing
political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so
because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were
simply able to outspend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The
soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die.
That'd be fine, as long as
they weren't also committed to taking
as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you. And
the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they
haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But
you're not. That's because
you've got no idea how hard a small
number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and homeland security people
have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you
that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you
people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of
Instead, you've grown impatient.
You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our
enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively
support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every
time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well,
dammit, you might just as well Fedex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It
amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough
to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the
New York Times or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any
smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.
I could say more about your
expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if
you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane
approaching. I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your
own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that
were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford.
I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the
capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I
got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars
of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting
too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she
does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there're just enough
of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of
America. Some of you know what I mean.
The rest of you, * off.
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