Acording to Al Franken's autobiography -- "When talent doesn't count" -- Franken was born into a family of gypsies. His mother, Knisha Franken, traded him away to a band of Motor Vehicle Department employees for scratch-off lottery tickets. Franken spent many happy hours of his childhood administering vision tests at the DMV.
But with the body of a 6-year old and a Ted-Kennedy size head, Franken knew he was destined for greater things. He wanted to be a comedian. Franken got off to a shaky start. He was the opening act for the mass suicide at Jones Town, Guyana. Some say he was the cause of the mass suicide.
Franken wasn't deterred. He joined with a foreign comedian to form the comedy group of Franken & Yelstin. Their signature act -- "Is that my borsht in your pants, or are you happy to see me?" -- was a flop. As we know, Yeltsin would move on to become the leader of Russia, and Franken -- which in Latvian means "spiteful troll" -- went to "Saturday Night Live," where he was frequently asked to get coffee for the talented people on the show.
Franken next tried his hand at movies. Who canot forget "Stuart Saves His Family?" Franken then went on to produce his own television show -- "Lateline" -- which flat-lined after a few weeks.
Like most losers, Franken became attracted to the world of liberalism. And his dimwittedness made him a natural spokesman for their cause. Unencumbered with either ability or intellect, Franken and his 14 Harvard research assistants would plum the shallows of liberal philosophy. Failing at that, he would then use the names and faces of conservative icons to sell his mindless musings to the also-rans in the intellectual gene pool.