The next few days were rough, I wanted to hide so badly how I was truly feeling inside so no one would take pity on me and treat me differently. I could only do that to some extent. Nick was the best person a friend could have, but for some reason, I felt I couldn't quite open up to him all of the way. I mean, he's never been through something like this before, so how can he help me? And I don't want him to feel responsible for taking care of this teenage girl who cries alot. The only thing I wanted in the world right now was for me to behave normal, just to be a normal teen again, that and I wanted my Mother back. I missed her so much.
I could never explain how much I missed her. Sometimes I would see something on t.v. and just begin crying because it reminded me of my Mother. Imagine something you love more than anything else in the world, multiply that feeling times ten, and then imagine it being ripped out of your life in such a short amount of time. THAT'S how I felt, and I didn't think anyone could relate.
The dreams I had about my Mother before she died scared me beyond belief. What were they supposed to mean? Did I have ESP? Was I psychic? Well whatever the reason behind them, whatever the cause, I have been thanking God every night for them. They gave me my last chance to speak to my Mom before she left me, us, everyone she loved.
The funeral was something I wasn't sure I would have been able to handle, but I went. It scared me seeing her there, cold to the core beneath my skin.
"Why is her skin so cold Mommy? Why? Why is she so cold?" I heard one of my seven year old cousins cry out. I bit my lip to hold my tears in. If she only would know what it was like to lose her Mother instead of her Aunt. Why is she so cold? I wanted to scream at the poor child and tell her it was because she was dead, and would never come back. But I didn't. I couldn't speak. I was too busy trying not to cry.
Nick had offered to come to my funeral, but I turned down his offer. He didn't really know her that well, and I didn't want him to see me cry anymore and feel helpless. I hated that feeling being put upon me, and I didn't want to leave it on anyone else.
Days went by, and I just moped around my bedroom, doing nothing. It didn't really help any, especially when I never answered my telephone. Even when Nick called. I think I was beginning to get over him because I hadn't seen him in so long. Then one day I decided to get out of bed, get dressed, and pop in on him. He shouldn't be ignored like that, no matter what the reason.
I stood on his doorstep, waiting for someone to answer the door. Finally, Nick did.
"Hey! I didn't expect to see you! Come in." He held the door open wide for me and I ushered in. I watched him close the door behind me, waited for him to speak. "How's every...whoa!" he cried out as I quickly hugged him.
"I'm sorry Nick."
"It's okay, you don't have to say you're sorry. You're my best-friend, I understand these things." I pulled away and smiled.
"Thanks."
"Hey, come downstairs with me Amanda, I have a surprise." Nick made his eyebrows raise one at a time and smirked.
"That was so cute how you did that! Do it again!" I smiled as wide as I could when he did it again. I saw him blush and I snickered.
"Alright, lets go." He took my hand and led me down the stairs.
"Are you sure about this Nick? I don't want to break my leg in your room."
"That's the surprise. Look!" He slowly opened his door to reveal Aaron playing video games happily on the floor of Nick's spotless room.
"Whoa! What did you do? Aaron, did he con you into cleaning up his mess?"
"No, Nick actually did it the other day. I think he had a bulldozer help him with this one though. I wonder how much one of those things costs." I laughed and let go of Nick's hand to sit on the edge of his bed to see the t.v. screen.
"Hey Aaron, I'm gonna go upstairs to get something. Keep Amanda company for me alright?" I glanced over at Nick just in time to see him give his brother a nice smirk and quickly leave the room.
"Whatcha playin'?"
"Kid Nicky, the dorks favorite game. It's boring though. I'm gonna play Donkey Kong now. You wanna play?" I shook my head no as he held out the controller for the second player.
"I'll just watch."
"I heard your birthday's coming up Mandy. What do you want?"
"Hmmmm, a nice cruise to Hawaii, a million dollars, a car...why? Are you planning on getting me some of this stuff? If so, you better take notes!"
"Mandy, for real. What do you want Nick to get you?"
"Ooooh, so are you this little spy for Nick now?"
"No. I'm YOUR personal spy. But really, what do you want?"
"Hmmmm..." I closed my eyes and thought of that night after the Spring Formal dance when Nick and I kissed. "Nothing. Well...nothing you'd understand Aaron."
"Well, Nick told me he's gonna take you to the arcade to play some games."
"Really?" I asked surprised. "You know buddy, I don't think you were supposed to tell me that." I snickered. "I promise I won't tell him you spilled it all to me though."
"You guys are gonna go to the one by the mall and eat cheese pizza, yech, it's all the normal Nick stuff. I thought that since you ARE his girlfriend he'd do something diff-"
"Wait, wait, wait. Who told you I was Nick's girlfriend?"
"No one." Aaron turned around and looked up at me. "Not yet anyways."
"What do you mean 'not yet'? We're just friends. And I can prove it to you too."
"How?"
"He's taking me to an arcade for my birthday." I gave him a smart alec tone and stood up from the water bed. "I think you should just stay in the business that concerns only nine year olds while I go find your brother." I think I sounded a bit harsh. It was probably because I was a little bit mad Nick was only taking me to play video games for my birthday. It just felt so...upsetting. Maybe because I just wanted more from him. Something he'd never be able to give me.
I walked over to the door, and right as I was going to pull it open, the door swung open, nearly hitting me in my face.
"Whoops, sorry Amanda. I didn't hurt you did I?"
"Nearly, but it's fine. What took you so long?" I looked down at his empty hands. "Didn't you say that you had to get something?"
"No, I had to DO something. I had to feed the dogs outback. But let's go by my pool. C'mon." I was yanked quickly by my wrist out to the cemented area by his underground pool.
"What's the rush?" I quickly took my flip flops off and placed them next to me.
"I hope he didn't bother you too much. Aaron can be a pest sometimes."
"No, he was fine." I smiled lightly and squinted my eyes as I stared off into the sky.
Nick was going to take me to an arcade for my birthday? How boring. The thought is great, but we go to the arcade so much, for my birthday? Well, as long as I'm with him it's okay. I just hope when we eat that greasy pizza, he doesn't get any stuck in his teeth. That would be so em...wait a second. Is that Nick's beautiful voice singing again? Oh man! I could never get enough of that!
I turned my head to face the singing Nick. I thought he would become embarrassed by me staring at him that way, but he didn't, nor did he discontinue his work.
"Now I may have faith, to make mountains fall, but if I lack love, then I have nothing at all. I can give away everything I possess, But if I'm without love, then I have no happiness. I know I'm imperfect, and not without sin, and now that I'm older, Oh darlin', swing in and tell her." My stomach flip flopped as he turned to me and basically sang to me. "Tell her I need her, tell her I love her, And it'll be alright. And tell her, tell her I need her, tell her I love her, and it'll be alright. I'll never be jealous, and I won't be too proud, 'cuz love is not boastful, and love is not loud. Tell her I need her, tell her I love her, Everything is gonna be, it's gonna be alright." On the outside I was as stiff as a board, but on the inside I was jumping from side to side and screaming my head off. He had just sang to me my all time favorite Lauryn Hill song. And he KNEW that. But what was best of all, he had changed the words. Instead of singing 'Tell him', he had sung, 'Tell her', as if he had meant it for me.
"What?" Nick asked in response to me just sitting there and staring at his face with the perfect tan complexion.
"That was, it was breath taking, Nick." I paused. "Where did you learn how to sing like that? You've been doing an awful lot of it lately."
"I was born with it. I just never shared it with anyone before. Just you."
"That was so good."
"You think so? I've been practicing. I've got an interview to work on a t.v. series for Disney. My singing just might help me get the part."
"You'll definitely get the part. No question there."
"Thanks." Nick's cheeks began to turn a shade of pink, as normal.
"And...and you sang my favorite song. Why?"
"I dunno. I just thought it would cheer you up. Something you'd like, and understand. But I'm not sure about the second part."
"Oh." I was confused about what he meant about something I'd understand. All I knew is that I'd be in love with the song all over again for a brand new reason.
"So my best-friend is going to be famous?"
"Maybe..." Nick smiled. "I hope. It would be really cool, acting and all."
"Yeah, it would." I leaned back and supported my body with my elbows. My best-friend would be famous, I could just see it now. Turn on the t.v. and see him there, acting, looking even cuter than he already does. I almost shrieked with excitement for him. I knew this was something he would definitely want. Something he had probably been dreaming about all his life. I knew Nick would be determined, and never give up on his dream. Never.
