Disclaimer: Spellcheck really doesn't like those asteriks. The "voyager" concept, like the idea of the "League", is based on a single remark uttered by a Ranger mentor and then never mentioned again. Go Saban!

Voyager
by Starhawk

*Saryn.* Kerone's voice was tentative, as though she wasn't quite sure she was welcome right now.

He projected a wordless inquiry, not taking his eyes off of "Andros" as the other expertly manipulated a wall-mounted comm unit. He couldn't let himself get used to a voice other than Cassie's in his head, but these were extenuating circumstances. Or so he kept telling himself.

*They're going to need a place to stay,* she said. She didn't bother to identify "they". *At least for now. Do we lock them in when they're not with one of us, or can we trust them to stay out of trouble?*

He was silent for a moment, his gaze flickering from "Andros" to "Ashley". They were both inspecting the comm now, and Carlos was making some sort of joke about the transmitter's range. "Ashley" actually smiled, and she bumped casually against "Andros" when she stepped out of the way to let the Black Ranger demonstrate. Though "Andros" appeared to be giving Carlos his full attention, Saryn didn't miss the way his fingers brushed furtively against hers.

There was minimal threat there, he thought, glancing toward "TJ". The first two Psycho Rangers were constrained by their feelings for each other--he doubted either would do anything that might endanger the other's welfare aboard the Megaship. TJ's double, however...

The Blue Psycho Ranger leaned sullenly against the opposite wall, his eyes narrowed as he observed his "teammates". The significance of their covert gestures had not escaped him, either, and he didn't appear to find their actions endearing. That was the danger, Saryn decided, and for a moment he considered lowering his empathic shields in an attempt to assess it.

But only for a moment. He couldn't encourage that habit, not if Elisia was ever going to be his home again. He no longer had his team to cover for him if he made a mistake.

*I don't believe they need a constant escort,* he said at last, his eyes still on "TJ". *But I would restrict their access to the Bridge, and I would ask that DECA monitor their activities at all times.*

*You're more tolerant than I am,* Kerone remarked, a hint of wry humor in her voice. It was the most amusement she had shown thus far in dealing with the Psycho Rangers. *Does Cassie agree with you?*

He glanced sideways at Cassie, and found her watching him with knowing eyes. He wasn't surprised that she had noticed his silent preoccupation, but it did startle him to feel her awareness in his mind increase deliberately. *What's up?* her voice inquired.

*Kerone wants to know whether you think the Psycho Rangers should be able to move freely about the Megaship.* It was bluntly put, but her appearance tonight was a serious threat to his ability to think clearly. He could not look at her and keep his mind on the Psycho Rangers at the same time.

*Not on the Bridge,* she answered immediately. *Or the engine room. But otherwise, I don't see why DECA can't keep an eye on them as well as we can.*

*Cassie would restrict them from the engine room as well as the Bridge,* he told Kerone, forcing his mind to obey as he turned his attention away from the woman at his side. *Otherwise, yes, we are in agreement.*

*Well, that's inconvenient,* Kerone muttered. *Three for, and three against. Zhane and Tessa refuse to vote.*

*You are against.* It wasn't really a question, but she answered anyway.

*Yeah. I don't want shapeshifters wandering around without a guard, and Andros and TJ aren't too thrilled about the idea either.*

To point out that she herself could fall into that same category would be to imply that he didn't trust her, so Saryn didn't mention it. *Do you wish me to send Carlos to the Bridge?*

*Would you? I could ask him from here, but not without completely freaking him out.*

"Carlos," Saryn said aloud, interrupting the Black Ranger's idle banter with "Ashley". "Your presence is requested on the Bridge."

There was a quiet moment, and Carlos looked distinctly surprised. "Right," he agreed at last. "I'll be right there." With a nod to the Psycho Rangers--or at least to "Ashley"--he turned and headed down the hallway toward the lift.

*He's on his way,* Saryn told Kerone.

*Thanks,* she sent back. *Zhane and I will come take over baby-sitting duty as soon as we figure out what we're doing with them.*

***

Cassie folded her arms, frowning at the door as it closed behind them. "Are we doing the right thing?" she wondered a moment later.

There was a creak from behind her, and she turned around. She couldn't help smiling at the sight of Saryn sprawled across her bunk, still wearing his borrowed tux. "I wish I knew," he mumbled, his eyes closed.

"Hey," she said gently, going over to sit beside him. "You okay?"

He nodded, but he didn't open his eyes. "Tired," he admitted. "Maybe a few second thoughts about the Psycho Rangers. And disappointed that we didn't get to dance," he added, smiling a little.

She laughed, putting her hand over his and feeling his fingers curl around hers. "Yeah, we might as well not have gone to the prom. Too bad you're not allowed back in once you've left."

"No?" Saryn said. He didn't sound disappointed. "Why is that?"

She gazed at him, letting her eyes slide across his face. He did look tired. She wished she could chase that fatigue out of his expression. "I think they don't want people coming back drunk."

His eyes opened at that, and he gave her a curious look. "Drunk?" he repeated.

"Intoxicated?" she prompted. "Judgement impaired by alcohol?"

His politely confused look didn't fade. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with alcohol."

"It's..." She tried to remember what Andros had said about it. "It's like a drug. 'Psychotropic', I think? People take it recreationally, to relax."

He raised an eyebrow. "I confess I'm surprised to hear you use the words 'psychotropic drug' and 'recreation' in the same sentence."

"Well, I don't do it," she said with some asperity. "Feeling a little judgmental tonight, aren't we?"

The smile he gave her made her heart melt, and she knew he'd been teasing. "Perhaps," he murmured anyway, squeezing her fingers. "I hope it is not a mood I indulge in often."

"No..." The open affection in his eyes distracted her thoroughly enough that she couldn't remember what she was going to say. "Dance with me," she said instead, getting to her feet.

He smiled again, and he let her tug him up off the bed. His clothes were unusually rumpled--not because they were rumpled, but because they were *his* and they were rumpled. He was not often so disheveled, and she smoothed his tux without thinking about it.

Saryn caught her hands gently, and she almost blushed at the look in his eyes. She knew that expression, but she wasn't prepared for his smile. Without a word, he put her hand on his shoulder and held her right hand in his left. "Have I told you," he said softly, stepping closer and pulling her around, "how incredibly beautiful you look tonight?"

She followed his steps, and it occurred to her to wonder where she'd left her shoes. She dismissed the thought as quickly as it came, perfectly willing to let his company make everything else irrelevant. "Maybe," she agreed. "Once or twice."

He lifted his left hand over her head, and she twirled underneath his arm. "You," he said solemnly, pulling her close again, "are the most gorgeous person I know."

"I can live with that," she sighed, smiling up at him. "Thanks for being here this week, Saryn."

She felt his grip tighten on her waist as he turned again, dancing to a music only they could hear. "You had only to ask," he murmured, and she knew he meant it.

"You know why I couldn't," she said, making the words more of a question than a statement as she gazed at him.

"I know why you didn't," he corrected, his eyes searching hers. "I hope you always knew you could."

"Yes," she admitted with a smile. "That's what I meant."

She knew he was going to kiss her before he even moved, and she closed her eyes as he leaned down and covered her mouth with his. His lips were soft and undemanding as he teased hers, their bodies still moving slowly to a silent melody. His hand was warm on her back, and she felt a lazy comfort in being held so gently.

He kissed her again as they turned, dipping their joined hands in time with the nonexistent beat as she twined her fingers through his. His bangs were whisper-soft against her skin, but she resisted the impulse to brush them back. No matter how innocently she meant the gesture, it would be suggestive to him, and she was enjoying their dance too much to let it turn into anything else just yet.

"May 29th," he murmured, trailing tiny kisses across her cheek to whisper in her ear. "Do I have the date right?"

"Yes," she breathed, squirming delightedly as he nibbled on her earlobe. A brief tightening of his fingers on hers was the only indication she had that her movement affected him, but she stilled quickly. It wasn't fair to do that to him when she was about to ask something difficult.

"Good." He kissed the back of her jaw lightly. "This, then, is the anniversary of our first dance."

She couldn't help but giggle, her eyes slipping past his shoulder to land on the delicate coral sculpture on her desk. Surrounded by an invisible globe, it had been his present to her last September, on the "anniversary" of their first meeting. "Are you going to make everything an anniversary?"

"I celebrate every day I am with you," he whispered. "Don't deny me an opportunity to tell you why."

She tilted her head back as he kissed her neck, his steps slowing as he let his hand slide out of hers to rest on her shoulder. For a moment, she lost herself in the feeling, her resolve to do no more than dance weakening. After all, she wasn't the one who thought seeing Elisia was so important...

But it was important to him, and this weekend was the only time she would be able to go before graduation. She lifted her hand to his face and he leaned into her caress as he always did. Eyes half-closed, he gazed back at her with such an expression of unrestrained love that she had to kiss him again.

His mouth welcomed hers, and it was getting harder to pull away. He wasn't ready to let her go when she finally managed, but if she didn't bring this up now she wouldn't be able to make herself care later. "Saryn," she murmured, looking away to let him know she was serious. "You wanted to go to Elisia tonight..."

He didn't move, and she sought his gaze again. As much as he might insist that the visit was for her, to make sure that she didn't hate the planet on sight--an idea she had laughed at the first time she caught him thinking it--she had to wonder if it wasn't partly for him. She didn't know why, exactly; it was just something she felt on the few occasions he brought it up.

The uncertainty in his eyes now, though, had nothing to do with that. Now she could see rational thought fighting pure physical feeling, and she couldn't help feeling guilty. He wanted to go to Elisia. She knew that. But right now, at this moment, he just wanted to keep kissing her, and she knew why.

She had worn this dress with the intent of driving him crazy, and the looks he had been giving her all evening said it was working. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had not been happy about the thought of spending prom night traveling, and instead of telling him so she had done everything she could to make him forget the idea.

Until the Psychos showed up, and reminded her that some things were more important than ridiculous high school traditions. Saryn was far more important... and Saryn wanted to take her to Elisia. So she was going to make sure they got there.

"We'll still be together tonight," she reminded him, taking a small step backward. "I want to go, Saryn."

That did it. "Then we will go," he said firmly. "We can take my zord..." He paused, his gaze straying from hers, and she heard him sigh almost imperceptibly. "I do ask that you change first, however."

"Really?" She gave him as innocent a look as she could manage. "It's kind of a long ride. We could always... dance, to pass the time."

The expression on his face left no doubt that he knew exactly what she was thinking. This time he let his gaze wander deliberately, suggestively, and there was a dangerous glitter in his eyes as he warned, "You should not give me such ideas."

She tried not to smirk. "Someone has to say what you're thinking!"

***

Eventually, they managed to compromise. They left for Elisia as they were, and they arrived in more casual garb. If the changing process was not quite as direct or efficient as it could have been, well, neither of them minded.

He noted that there was no one to greet them on their arrival, and he had to assume that it was intentional. It was almost sunset and the city was alive with activity as the residents turned out to enjoy the cool evening air. The Ranger compound must be equally active, but the hum of his zord as it set down nearby drew no curious eyes.

He supposed it was to be expected. As he had told Kerone, they were not "his" team, and they had no obligation to his guests. What little interaction he had with the others was on an official basis, to present a united front for the rest of the universe. In private, with the exception of Mirine, they left him alone and he did the same.

"Wow..." Cassie's breathless exclamation distracted him, and he smiled fondly as she stared along the compound's outer walkway. "I don't know what I expected, but... this is awesome!"

He followed her gaze with the eye of familiarity. Modest columns supported the gentle arches of the covered walkway, running the length of the compound's east side before disappearing around the corner. Red pigment, faded from its once vibrant red by years of sun and sand, outlined a stylized sunburst over the arch that shaded his door.

"It is... home," he said at last. He didn't miss the look she shot in his direction when he hesitated over the last word.

"Is it?" she asked quietly.

For a moment he was silent, but the answer was startlingly obvious. "Now that you're here?" he countered, glancing over at her. "Yes."

Though he saw her try, she couldn't repress a delighted smile. "So do we get to go inside?" she asked quickly, in a rather transparent effort to divert his attention.

"Of course," he said, amused. He didn't know whether he was smiling because she had or because she was adorable when she was flustered. He keyed the door open and gestured for her to precede him. "After you."

She stepped forward, a little hesitantly, and he heard her catch her breath in surprise. He glanced around as he pulled the door shut behind them, trying to see the place as she did. It had gone unlived in for more than a week after he had only meant to be gone a day or two, but it wasn't in such a poor state. What alterations he might wish for had more to do with what wasn't there than with what was.

The sunset glow through the south facing windows tinted Cassie's hair red as she turned to face him, her eyes wide with wonder. She looked as though she wanted to say something, but didn't know quite what. Her gaze slid past him again, and he watched her trace the rainbow colored murals from one side of the room to the other with her eyes.

"Did you do those?" she asked at last, her voice soft.

He shook his head. "Jenna and Timmin," he said, by way of explanation. With a faint smile, he added, "The rest of us moved furniture and held brushes for them."

She gave him a quick look before moving closer to one of the walls, and he wondered what she heard in his tone. "They're beautiful..." She ran her hand over the paint and then looked at her fingers, as though she expected it to still be wet.

"Timmin was quite the artist," he told her, a strange feeling starting in his chest. "Jenna had an eye for color."

"I can see that," Cassie murmured, turning slowly to take in the entire picture. "Did they do everyone's place?"

His thoughts shied away from the changes the compound had seen over the years. "Yes," he said shortly. "You may leave your backpack in the bedroom, if you wish."

She gave him a look he couldn't interpret, but her smile was ready as ever. "I would, if I knew where the bedroom was."

He wanted to smile, but somehow this wasn't as easy as he'd expected. It was as though this place, this piece of his past, was silently demanding to know why he had brought a stranger into its midst. He told himself that the feeling was ridiculous. This was his home as much now as it had been then, and Cassie was hardly a stranger.

"This way," he said, trying to moderate his tone. His planet would be hard-pressed to endear itself to her if he turned into someone she didn't recognize whenever they were here.

"A courtyard!" she exclaimed, catching a glimpse of it through the window as he led her into the next room. "Is that where the other door goes?"

"In the main room?" He saw her drop her backpack by the door before coming the rest of the way in. "Yes. The courtyard has always been special, sheltered as it is from both the wind and from... our neighbors."

"The rest of the city?" Cassie guessed, ducking her head as though trying to get a better view from where they were.

"You need not hesitate," he said firmly. He took her arm and drew her forward, pointing toward the buildings just visible over the southwestern corner of the compound. "That is 'the rest of the city', though I suspect 'city' may be too grand a term. 'Settlement' might be more accurate. We are on the outskirts, as you can see, but it is of necessity... Zords do not maneuver well through the streets."

"Plus it gives you some privacy." Cassie looked thoughtful as she gazed out at the courtyard. "Is everything close enough to walk to, then?"

"Mostly," he allowed. A smile edged out some of the irritation he was feeling with himself. "But there are better ways to travel. Would you like a tour?"

"Could I?" She looked delighted, though he realized belatedly that it had to be after midnight in Angel Grove by now. "I'd love a tour!"

Her enthusiasm was contagious and, as far as he could tell, completely genuine. "I'll have to get something first," he told her. "Do you mind waiting?"

"Of course not," she said immediately, but he could see the curiosity shining in her eyes. "Will it take long?"

"No," he promised, already heading for the door. "I'll be right back."

Only as he stepped out into the courtyard did he realize that he could just as easily have brought her with him. In fact, by leaving her behind he was effectively isolating her, and that was the last thing he wanted. It was only what he would have expected in her place...

He would have to make it up to her later. He tried to put it out of his mind as he stepped into Mirine's doorway, open to the courtyard as everyone else's was this evening. She was folded over on the floor, her voyager's vest brushing against the stone as she stretched. She peered under her arm as his shadow fell across her sunlight, and she smiled to see him.

"You're back!" she exclaimed, the sincere happiness in her voice making up for the fact that she didn't move. "Is everything all right on Earth?"

He hesitated. "It is better than it was," he said, trying not to think about the missing Pink Psycho Ranger. "Her team should not be in any danger while we are gone, at least."

"Not exactly an unqualified 'yes'," she observed, shifting her stretch to the other side. "But since you don't seem in the mood to chat, I'll take it. Need something?"

She knew him too well. "I thought I would take Cassie on a tour by jetcycle. I wondered if she might borrow your helmet."

To his surprise, Mirine frowned. "Have you introduced her to the others already?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "No," he muttered. "Not yet."

"Saryn," she said, in the tone of voice that said she knew he knew she was about to chide him. "I know how strange all this must feel to you. But you can't keep avoiding it in the hopes that it will go away."

"That was not my intent," he said stiffly.

"No," she said with a sigh. Lifting her head, she rose gracefully from the floor and turned to face him. "I'm sure it wasn't," she agreed in a tone that gave the lie to her words. "But we'll be here for you, if you let us. We could help."

"Could you?" He stared back at her. "Do you have any idea how many ghosts haunt these rooms? Sometimes I see Kyril across the courtyard and for just a moment I think he's Lyris. I step through your door and it surprises me when you greet me instead of Jenna. They're gone, long beyond my reach, and yet somehow... somehow they're still here."

"They'll always be here," Mirine answered, searching his expression. "As long as we remember them, they'll never really fade. But they'd want you to go on with your life."

"How do you know? How do you know what they'd want?" He folded his arms, his desperate gaze roaming over walls that had once sheltered a different Ranger. "I thought it would be easy to bring her here, Mirine. I thought she would be the missing piece that made this place home again. But everywhere I look I see them watching us, watching who I've become and I keep feeling like I've failed them somehow!"

"No." Mirine put her hand on his arm, her voice and her touch perfectly assured. "You haven't failed them; you can't, because being a friend means that you want what's best for someone else. That's what they want for you, Saryn--and that's what we want for you, too."

He swallowed, not sure why her touch, of anyone's, should be so comforting. "I thought it would be easy," he whispered, his gaze still fixed on the far wall. "It isn't easy at all."

"It's not supposed to be," she said, her voice a little quieter than before. "The important things never are."

***

Colorful. It was colorful, and somehow that had been the last thing she expected.

Cassie stood in the middle of Saryn' ground floor "apartment" and gazed around in fascination. With him gone, she was free to stare as much as she wanted, and she found she couldn't stop. She couldn't help feeling like she was seeing a part of him that he consciously buried while on the Megaship.

Or maybe... it was always buried? She wasn't sure what she had said to make him clam up earlier, but he wasn't the same person who had teased her about drinking before and then turned around and called today an anniversary.

He sometimes complained that he didn't know what she felt. She had always thought that a strange problem for an empath, until she realized that maybe it bothered him for precisely that reason. He was *used* to knowing, where she wasn't. At times like this, though, she understood his frustration completely.

She ran her fingers over the counter next to the door they'd come in through. Saryn lived here... she knew that, intellectually, and she could see signs of it in the sandy floors and the unmade bed. But--was it the Saryn she knew, or was it someone four years younger that he didn't feel quite right displacing?

A jacket she had never seen him wear hung by the door, and the vase of dried desert flowers by the sink was dusty with age. As she wandered deeper into the last of the fading sunlight, she found a quilt over the corner chair by the windows, worn along its creases as though it hadn't been unfolded for years. Jenna and Timmin's old artistry was the only thing that decorated the walls.

Aside from the obvious signs of habitation, there was nothing to say that a living, breathing person now considered this anything more than a place to sleep at night. There were things he clearly didn't want to part with, but the closer she looked the more convinced she became that that was all they were. Leftovers from a time he couldn't let go of... colorful, yes, but no more reflective of who he was now than the stark, shadowed room he had left on the Megaship.

Glancing around again, she sat down gingerly on the edge of the corner chair. There was a small pottery bowl on the windowsill, and she reached out to bring it closer. Only as she picked it up did she notice the faint fingerprints that showed it was handmade, but its contents distracted her from wondering who the creator might have been.

She hadn't realized there was anything in it when she picked it up, and now she was glad she had been careful. Sliding further back in the chair, she drew her ankles up to sit cross-legged, cradling the bowl in her hands. There was a multi-colored ribbon on top, and she lifted it out to gently lay it across her knee.

"We remember," the ribbon read. That was it, just those two words in elegant black across five horizontal stripes of color. She stared at it for a moment, not oblivious to the fact that the stripes corresponded to the colors of the Elisian Ranger team. She was afraid she knew what the ribbon represented.

Finally, she took a peek at the rest of the objects contained in the bowl. There was a transparent blue star shape, light when she picked it up as though it was made of plastic. There was a tooth that looked like nothing so much as the "shark's teeth" sold on the boardwalk during the summertime, and a seed pod that looked so fragile she was afraid to touch it. There was a scrap of metal covered in iridescent shine, hammered flat in places and twisted in others in what looked like a completely random pattern.

Last and possibly least, there was a little clear cube that she could make nothing of until she picked it up. As soon as her fingers touched it the bottom side lit up, pulsing faintly in the waning light. She turned it over, running a finger over the glowing surface, and to her surprise a small image sprang up. It was like the hologram he had of her in his starfighter, only this one showed two children in front of some kind of flowering bush.

She squinted at the image, suddenly suspicious. Those two children had only one feature in common--both had startlingly blue eyes. It didn't take her long to figure out who she had to be looking at, and she smiled involuntarily. He had been cute even when he was five years old.

One of the sides of the cube was glowing now, and she turned it face up. Brother and sister vanished as soon as the cube moved, but another image didn't appear until she touched the next glowing square. This time the picture was of two adults, one tall and fair, the other dark and somehow... ethereal. She considered them for a long time, wondering if she was seeing two people Saryn had never once mentioned. They looked about the right age to have five year old children...

She still wasn't sure when she let the cube prompt her to turn it again, but the next image drove the question from her mind. This hologram depicted a dark-haired boy that still lingered in Saryn's expression when he smiled, his arm around a girl Cassie had never met but knew well enough to picture in her dreams. Jenna's blonde curls and brilliant smile were the stuff a girlfriend's nightmares were made of.

The courtyard door creaked open, and she jerked her head up guiltily. Saryn's searching gaze caught hers and stopped, flicking briefly to the object in her hands with an unreadable expression. He said nothing, not even "hello", and she caught herself wondering what Jenna would have said.

"I'm sorry," she said awkwardly. "I shouldn't have--"

"Do not apologize." He cut her off, letting the door drift closed behind him as he moved away from it. "This is your home now as much as it is mine, and I wish you to treat it as such. There is nothing here that you are not free to inspect."

She held up the cube tentatively, smiling a little. "You were a cute kid..."

He inclined his head as though she had paid him a compliment. "May I?" he inquired, holding out his hand as he came to stand beside her.

She turned over the cube without a word, but instead of turning it off he only tilted it next side up and tapped the glowing "top". A new picture appeared, of five people that were vaguely familiar to her. It dawned on her suddenly that she *had* seen them before--she had known them in Saryn's "vision" of an alternate universe last August.

"Lyris is on the left," Saryn said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the chair beside her. She squirmed to one side to give him more room, and he added, "That's Jenna and me in the middle. Timmin is the one on the right, with Kris next to him."

"When was that?" she wondered aloud. She glanced sideways at him, not sure he wanted her to ask questions.

He was silent for a moment, considering the hologram. Finally, he looked up and caught her eye. "I don't remember exactly," he admitted. She thought he looked a little surprised at the revelation.

After a moment he looked down again, turning the cube over in his hands. "This is Mirine, of course," he said, as another image sprang up. "A few days after she became the Pink Ranger... she gave me the picture at my request a few months ago."

"She looks happy," Cassie murmured. She had never seen Saryn's sister wear her hair loose, but Mirine's long blonde hair hung free over her Ranger uniform in the picture she'd given Saryn. Her smile was sincere and confident for someone who had just survived both an invasion and the loss of her brother...

"It is in her nature to look ahead," Saryn said, studying the image. "I sometimes think there is nothing she could not withstand."

"She's your sister, all right," she said softly, pretending not to see the sharp look Saryn gave her. "What's the last picture?"

He turned the cube on its side one last time, and she drew back in surprise. It was the hologram from his starfighter. A little image of her stretched its arms toward the sky, alone and smiling in the afternoon sunlight of Angel Grove park.

"Oh," she whispered, not sure what else to say.

The image disappeared, and he placed the cube back in the bowl she still held. "It's getting late," he remarked. "The rain will start soon... perhaps you would prefer to postpone your tour until tomorrow?"

She looked up, catching his eye again. That was when she realized how dark it had gotten in the last few minutes, but she didn't think that was why he had asked. There was something in his expression--an acceptance, maybe, that hadn't been there before. It was as though he had only just committed himself to sharing this place, these memories, with her, and he wanted her to know it.

"All right," she said slowly, searching his gaze. "We'll go tomorrow."

He smiled, just a little but it was enough to bring a return smile to her face. "All right," she repeated, glancing down and picking up the "shark tooth" again. "So where did this come from?"

***

The windows were dark as the sand pounded mercilessly against the force shielding that protected the compound. The air inside was almost as heavy, suffocating under the weight of unspoken judgement. Whispers swirled everywhere he turned, dragging through the laden atmosphere and pooling in the shadows of the room.

"You swore you'd never forget... but words were always your specialty. I guess we're not worth more than a pretty speech or two..."

"Do they follow your orders as faithfully as we did? Maybe it doesn't matter which face wears the uniform as long as they obey... Maybe it doesn't matter who shares your bed as long as someone's there when you wake up--"

"We died for you, Saryn." Those words were perfectly clear, and for a single moment he knew exactly who was speaking. Her face stared back at him: unmistakable, intense, and inscrutable. "We died for you."

He wasn't sure what woke him, but his fingers were clenched painfully around his pillow and the comforter was uncomfortably confining. He shoved it back without thinking, not caring about anything but the need to get up--to *move*--as he struggled blindly to his feet. Gods, he couldn't get rid of this; it was following him...

He put his hands to his head, trying to erase those last words. "We died for you..."

"Shut up!" he whispered fiercely, squeezing his eyes shut. "You didn't!"

He was just barely aware of movement behind him, and he heard Cassie softly say his name. Her voice was all that kept him from slamming his fist into the door and bursting out of the room, heeding the restlessness that might yet drive him out into the desert no matter how cold the night. She would worry if he left...

"Does it matter who shares your bed as long as someone's there when you wake up?"

"Leave me alone!" His anguished wail was enough to bring Cassie to his side, and he felt her warm hands wrap around him from behind. He shuddered, bracing one arm against the wall and resting his forehead on it. *Why* did he still see them?

Cassie didn't say anything, just held him gently as though she knew each moment he stayed made him less likely to run. He wouldn't run, he couldn't; he had to get through this and he couldn't do it alone. He couldn't avoid it forever... but gods, he wanted to. He wanted to flee so badly, to lose himself in the stars the way he had so many times before.

"Are they always this bad?" Cassie murmured, interjecting herself into his tumultuous emotions with barely a ripple. "The nightmares, when you're here on Elisia?"

He tried to draw a steadying breath and felt it catch in his throat. "No," he whispered, closing his eyes. "Not always."

"Yes," someone corrected quietly. "They are."

He stiffened, lifting his head and turning away from the wall all at once. He felt Cassie sidle up against his shoulder as soon as he moved away, her arm going around his waist to offer comfort or to keep him from doing something rash--he wasn't sure which.

Mirine lurked in the doorway to the bedroom, her blue eyes troubled in the dim light. "I let myself in," she said, by way of explanation. "I was worried."

"So was I," Cassie murmured. She didn't seem surprised that Mirine had known something was wrong, but he frowned at his sister.

"They get this bad," she was telling Cassie, as though he wasn't even there. "I don't think they start out that way, but by the time he leaves again I doubt if he's sleeping much at all."

"How do you know?" he demanded, his tone sharper than it should have been. "I never--"

"Talk about it?" Mirine suggested, when he broke off. She frowned right back at him. "You pretend you're so alone, Saryn. I don't know what makes you think you have to be a living martyr."

He stared at her, but her gaze had already turned to Cassie. "Are you all right?" she asked, more gently. "They hurt, sometimes, when you're that close to him."

Confused, he glanced at Cassie, and was surprised to find her avoiding his gaze. "I'm all right," she said softly. "I should have expected it tonight, really."

Mirine was in front of her immediately, resting her hand on Cassie's forehead. The gesture made his eyes widen, and no less when Cassie's expression visibly relaxed. "Thanks," she whispered.

He caught Mirine's eye when she looked over at him, and she just shook her head at his obvious bewilderment. "You think you're so alone," she repeated quietly, holding up her hand without taking her eyes off of him.

Slowly, he lifted his hand too. It was an old, familiar game, one that he and Lyris had "played" for hours on end. As he laid his palm against hers he could feel her calm assurance, her confidence in who she was and her certainty that if he would just open up, then he could have that comfort too.

"You're an empath," he whispered, still staring at her.

"I thought you knew." Despite her words, she didn't seem fazed by his surprise. "Everyone else does. Why did you think Ledeyan and I were so friendly on Eltare? We were team taught to coordinate the others until I got 'promoted'."

He drew back, letting his hand fall. "He doesn't know about me."

It was half command, half plea, and she shook her head. "No," she said quietly. "I never told anyone because I knew how you felt about it."

Those words had a deeper meaning now, and for more than one reason. He had never told her what Lyris told him, yet she had known all along. She hadn't just known, she had lived the experience herself, and he didn't know if that was better or worse.

"I don't know why you hide from this, Saryn," she said, her gaze searching his. "It isn't a curse. It can be wonderful... at least, when you're not being woken up by other people's nightmares," she added with a faint smile.

He clenched his fingers, then deliberately forced them to loosen. He wished he could turn away without losing Cassie's arm around him. "I am glad that you can live with it," he said flatly. "It is not something that I take any pride in."

"I don't see why not," she retorted. "It's who you are, and if you can't be proud of that then what else is there?"

*Nothing,* he thought darkly. *There is nothing else.*

"Thanks a lot," Cassie muttered, and he realized too late that she might overhear. She had been there for him without question or complaint and he hated to think how those careless words might have sounded to her.

"No," he said quickly. "That's not what I meant, Cassie; it's just... this isn't something I can be proud of. Not when it interferes with everything I am."

"How can you say that?" Mirine demanded. "It *is* who you are! I may wear our mother's vest, but we both know you're the voyager!"

Still as the room was, those words seemed to make the moment freeze. He could trace the faint outline of the courtyard lights with his eyes as they spilled across the floor. He could hear his own breath in the sudden silence, easier now than it had any right to be. And he could feel Cassie shift slightly as she lifted her head to look at him.

"No," he said at last. The steadiness of his voice surprised him. "I am not."

Mirine sighed irritably. "You don't really expect me to convince you, do you? You know I'm right. It would be easier to control if you'd stop denying it."

He folded his arms, staring at a point just over her shoulder. Their mother's legacy was very close to the last thing he wanted to think about right now. He did his best to ignore the voice in the back of his mind, the one that insistently whispered she might be right.

"What does that mean?" Cassie asked, when he said nothing. She sounded puzzled, and he could feel her focus shift to Mirine. "What does it mean to be a voyager?"

"It means he changes things just by being there." Mirine shot a look in his direction, and he ignored it. "By his presence, not just his actions.

"Tell her, Saryn," she added, an odd note in her voice. "Tell her about energy transfer, and telepathic communication, and then explain again how you're not a voyager."

He turned his glare on her. "Why can't you leave this alone! It's the middle of the night, Mirine! All I want is to sleep, to not dream, and to wake up in a place that isn't as alien as this one feels right now!"

Mirine drew back, clear contrition in her eyes, and immediately he regretted his words. "You're right," she said, before he could say anything else. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have barged in..." She took a deep breath. "I'll go."

"Mirine." His voice caught her just before she slipped out of the room. He couldn't manage a smile, but he hoped she knew he wasn't angry with her. "Thank you--for being concerned."

She looked down, shadows hiding her expression, but he could hear the warmth in her voice when she offered, "Breakfast is in the community center tomorrow morning, if you want to join us."

He just looked at her for a moment, then glanced at Cassie. "We would be honored," he said quietly.

She lifted her head, and the light caught her eyes for a moment. "There's no honor among friends, Saryn."

Then she was gone, leaving nothing but his name behind her in the darkness.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling Cassie lean her head against his shoulder. "I did not mean..." There were so many things he could apologize for. "I did not mean to hurt you, or to make you uncomfortable," he said finally.

"You didn't," she answered without hesitation. Her stout support wasn't spoiled by her barely suppressed yawn, but the gesture brought a smile to his face at last. "You don't have anything to apologize for," she mumbled, resettling her head on his shoulder.

He shifted a little, pulling her against his chest and wrapping his arms around her. The shadows lingered in the room, but either he was too tired to see anything in them or this time they were truly nothing more than darkness. All he knew right now was that he held the most important person in the universe within his embrace.

*You are my strength,* he whispered silently, and he felt the warmth and unspoken promise that were the only answers he needed.