New England Thermometer Differential
Weekly Market Bulletin, 3/20/02

50 degrees:
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
New Englanders plant gardens.

40 degrees:
Florida cars won't start.
New Englanders drive with the windows down.

20 degrees:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
New Englanders throw on a flannel shirt.

15 degrees:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
New Englanders have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0 degrees:
People in Miami die.
New Englanders close their windows.

-10 degrees:
Californians fly to Mexico.
New Englanders get out their winter coats.

-25 degrees:
Hollywood disintegrates.
New England Girl Scouts are selling cookies door to door.

-40 degrees:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
New Englanders let their dogs sleep inside.

-100 degrees:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start the 'kah'.

-273 degrees:
All atomic motion stops.
New Englanders start saying, 'Cold 'nuff for ya?'

-500 degrees:
Hell freezes over.
The New England Patriots win the Super Bowl.

"It's springtime in New Hampshire
When the gentle breezes blow
About seventy miles an hour or so
And it's fifty-two below

It's springtime in New Hampshire
And the snow's up to my butt
I take a breath of springtime air
And my noseholes both freeze shut

It's springtime in New Hampshire
So I guess I'll stick around
I could never leave New Hampshire
My feet are frozen to the ground"

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