"He's a very smart guy. He's also a troublemaker. He has a lot of strong opinions;
some because he believes them, and some because they provoke people."
1)It's been brought to my attention that I bash songfics too much.
2)This is blatantly untrue.
3)I bash Power Rangers songfics too much.
4)I have nothing against other fandoms' songfics.
5)Now, I do realize that "Power Rangers songfics" is a rather large grouping of stories.
6)In order to categorically bash it, I would have to make sweeping generalizations about other people's work, much of which I haven't read.
7)Fortunately, I am not above this.
8)And I'm not likely to rise above it any time in the near future.
9)This means that I feel free to continue bashing Power Rangers songfics as much as I want. Indefinitely.
10)However, the good news is that I also feel free to bash anything else I want for any reason or no reason at all.
11)How is that good news, you might ask.
12)At least, you might if you weren't taking me seriously and have continued reading this page instead of storming off in disgust.
13)Or leaving quietly in disgust. That's a nice way to go too, but not quite as dramatic.
14)If you're going to do something, you might as well do it all the way; that's what I say.
15)So anyway, if you weren't taking me seriously, I'm mortally offended.
16)Is that possible? Would that be, like, so offended that you died?
17)That would be great. I could probably take out a lot of people that way.
18)But assuming that I'm not, in fact, dead at this particular moment, I suppose I wasn't that offended after all.
19)So I was going to tell you why it's a good thing that I feel free to bash all manner of non-bash-worthy things.
20)But I've really forgotten at this point, so all I can say is that freedom of speech is a wonderful thing.
21)I do, by the way, grant that my freedom of speech ends where your freedom not to be mortally offended by something I say begins.
22)But I heard this comedian on that box thing with the moving pic--TV! Right, I saw this comedian on TV a little while ago.
23)It's been so long since we turned it on that I've forgotten what it's called.
24)Anyway, the comedian was talking about what it's like to be Hispanic in Texas.
25)He said that every time a policeman pulls him over, they call him a nigger.
26)He tries to tell them, "Man, I'm not African, I'm Hispanic! I speak Spanish!"
27)And he says they reply, "Great, a bilingual nigger. Get out of the car."
28)My point is that he ended the evening by saying, "But seriously folks, I don't mean to offend anyone here. I say what I say to be funny, not to hurt anyone. And if anything I've said this evening has upset you in any way, well, fuck you. Fuck you, man!"
29)Yeah. So getting back to songfics.
30)Particularly Power Rangers songfics, since they're the ones I diss all the time.
31)Power Rangers songfics are like country music.
32)I hate to say that, since I love country music and I hate Power Rangers songfics.
33)But they are similar, because people are often prejudiced against both.
34)Unfairly, it seems to me.
35)Like everything else, they have their good and their bad.
36)There's some really horrible country music out there.
37)Anything by Dwight Yokam, for instance.
38)But a lot of it's quite good, and well worth my listening time.
39)It's the same way with Power Rangers songfics. And Power Ranger fanfiction in general. And any other category of things you can come up with, really. Some of them will be amazingly awesome, and some of them will totally suck.*
40)That's just the way it goes. If your life was full of only good things you'd never know it, because you wouldn't have anything to compare them to.
41)So I know some people who write great Power Rangers songfics, and I know there are many more out there that I haven't read but are equally great.
42)I also know that truly horrible ones exist, and I'll never go back on that statement! Never, I tell you!
43)However, just to balance the scales a little, I have written a Power Rangers songfic.
44)Well, yay for me!
45)Exactly. I do not find this to be a momentous occasion in the slightest, since it is neither original nor exciting.
46)In addition, in an effort to ensure that everyone will hate it, I have deliberately written it about an original character who never throughout the entire course of the fic interacts with a single canon Ranger. I've even set it during an unspecified time period with few to no reference points!
47)There are also no names, a third irritating plot device which many people seem to think adds to the suspense and/or interest of their story.
48)Frankly, it just makes me scroll to the end of the story to find out who the hell you're talking about before I invest my incredibly valuable time in a reading endeavor.
49)So what more can I do to make this the worst Power Rangers songfic ever written?
50)I can use a song that someone else has already used! And on a similar character, no less!
51)The audacity! The foolhardiness! The sheer anarchy of it all!
52)I'm feeling a little theatrical this evening; I'm sure it doesn't show.
53)I also appear to be feeling a little long-winded.
54)At any rate, here is my masterpiece.
55)You can read it from here, or you can cheat and go to the fanfic page to find out what it's about before you commit yourself.
56)Or you can skip it entirely, which frankly, I'd recommend.
57)I'm only announcing it with such fanfare because it entertains me.
58)The actual fic is probably shorter than this notice page.
54)Oh, and by the way, Rachel Lynn? Can I ask permission retroactively?
55)Isn't that just the snobbiest thing to say?
56)"Yeah, I've already stolen your idea, and by the way you don't mind, do you?"
57)Let's go for an even sixty, here.
*Except, of course, a category which you might label, "Things That Are Amazingly Awesome And Don't Totally Suck."