1)Today I have decided to mock songfics.
2)I do this for no particular reason other than the fact that it sounds fun.
3)I remember back in the good old days.
4)Back when women were real women, and men were real little bitty insects that women caught in jars when they were bored.
5)Back before the advent of public transportation, when poor retired school children had to walk to and from school everday, uphill both ways in the middle of rare July blizzards.
6)Back before Coca-Cola went insane with Christmas advertising, when Santa still wore normal colors like green and blue and wasn't embarrassed to show his face 363 days of the year because of his garish clothing.
7)Back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, instead of the ten-minute long animated preview at the beginning of Toy Story 2 which drags on so long that you forget what movie you were there to see in the first place and when it's over you still have no idea what the film is about except that it seems to involve an oval-shaped egg with worse luck than Bill Clinton.
8)Where was I going with this?
9)Ah, yes, back in the good old days.
10)Back when people wrote stories instead of song lyrics.
11)That's a thing of the past, though, much like voting and stamp collecting and good cars.
12)So I've decided to write my own songfic.
13)Just to keep up with the times, you know?
14)Here it is:
"Wow," Andros said aloud, although there was no one else in the room. "I feel really depressed. I think I'll turn on the radio DECA conveniently installed on the Megaship and listen to American pop music."
He pushed a button and the magic emotion-sensing radio immediately tuned into a station that played nothing but sad, depressing music 24 hours a day seven days a week. Coincidentally, it was exactly the same station that Adri listens to.
"Oh, good," Andros remarked, still talking to himself. "The song is just starting, but somehow I know it will be just the thing to make me feel better."
He listened for a few minutes, nodding to himself as the singer repeated the same vague lines over and over, not unlike the highly paid telemarketers on the Psychic Friends Network. Despite the fact that the song had originally been written in Japanese and had suffered quite a bit in the translation to Arabic, and then to Latin, and then Ancient Greek, he imagined that he could hear English words in the gibberish. And amazingly, they described his situation exactly.
"Wow," Andros repeated, as the song concluded and the magic emotion-sensing radio turned itself off. "It's a good thing I had nothing better to do than listen to the radio while I was feeling so depressed. That awful song has completely turned my life around!"
Note: This story is my one million, twelve hundred and eighty-three thousand, five hundred and eleventy-sixth fic. In celebration of this momentous occasion, I resolve to do three things:
1)Complain more about how many ideas I have and how little time I have to write them in, since between me and Einstein, the world just can't keep up with this level of brilliance.
2)Find out when muses went from being beautiful women to being imaginary and misbehaved creatures of enormous spite and little practical use.
3)Write a *real* songfic next time, where the lines of the song outnumber the lines of original writing in the story, so that I can show off my amazing creativity while flouting multiple copyrights all in one easy step.