Notice
"A non-writing writer is a monster inviting madness."
--Franz Kafka
1)So, especially during NaNoWriMo, I hear people talking about nonsensical things they've written while falling asleep.
2)I was usually like, well, that's odd. All the while convinced that *I* would never do something like that.
3)I don't type while falling asleep, for one thing. And for another, I know enough to recognize when I'm not making sense.
4)Anyone who has ever spoken to me knows that this is not true, especially if they've spoken to me while I'm falling asleep.
5)Nonetheless, this self-awareness continues to be a delusion that I harbor. Rather persistently.
6)Last night it happened that I was extremely tired, but I didn't think that I should be.
7)So I was convinced that if I just kept typing, I would work through it and happen upon my fourth wind or something.
8)I did, fortunately, have the sense to stop working on my novel. I think because it required too much brainpower.
9)But I thought I'd at least write a notice page, because it seemed like the thing to do.
10)I came down this morning to find the following "notice page" on my computer:
1)Wow. I'm so sleepy that I can't even believe how sleepy I am.
2)I suspect that most competent therapists would tell me 'there is no spoon."
3)Then they'd move on, probably in expensive clothes and flashy cares.
4)I'm really having trouble keeping my heart open wide enough to type this letter.
5)Of course my eyes won't *stay* upon, althought someone claims that I have a ver nice smile.
6)It's an odd feeling, to take a break from work without actually leaving: just click!
11)At that point I really couldn't keep my eyes open, so I shut my laptop and went to bed.
12)But seriously, what the fuck was I talking about? It made so much sense at the time!
13)And look at those typos! ...Are they typos? I can't even tell what's a typo and what isn't!
14)I distinctly remember correcting so many typos--that was part of the reason I went to bed.
15)It was too much work to keep going back and fixing what my fingers had miscued. But I thought I got them all!
16)Possibly that selective blindness had something to do with the fact that what I'd typed made absolutely zero sense.
17)After all, "Your inability to locate them does not negate the fact that they are there." (Pilot, "Farscape")
Addendum:
In the clearing mental processes that follow finishing a novel in a ridiculously short period of time,
I think I've figured it out. My translation of Saturday night's alleged "notice page" follows:
1)Wow. I'm so sleepy that I can't even believe how sleepy I am.
I'm very tired.
2)I suspect that most competent therapists would tell me 'there is no spoon."
I'm only as tired as I think I am.
3)Then they'd move on, probably in expensive clothes and flashy cares.
Therapists make a lot of money.
4)I'm really having trouble keeping my heart open wide enough to type this letter.
I can't see the screen anymore.
5)Of course my eyes won't *stay* upon, althought someone claims that I have a ver nice smile.
Maybe I can't see the screen because my eyes are closed.
6)It's an odd feeling, to take a break from work without actually leaving: just click!
Clearly I'm a slacker who can't be trusted to work on any machine that allows me access to the internet.
Run Away