"A Guide To Effective Scientific Communication"

I don't remember where I saw this, but I find it terribly amusing--mostly in its accuracy.
Phrases commonly used in scientific journals are followed by translations in itallics.

--"It has long been known"
I haven't bothered to look up the reference

--"It is believed"
I think

--"It is generally believed"
A couple of other guys think so too

--"It is not unreasonable to assume"
If you believe this, you'll believe anything

--"Of great theoretical importance"
I find it kind of interesting

--"Of great practical importance"
I can get some mileage out of it

--"Typical results are shown"
The best results are shown

--"Three samples were chosen for study"
The others didn't make sense, so we ignored them

--"The four hour sample was not studied"
I dropped it on the floor

--"The four hour determination may not be significant"
I dropped it on the floor but scooped most of it up

--"The significance of these results is unclear"
Look at the pretty artifact

--"It has not been possible to provide definitive answers"
The experiment was negative, but at least I can publish the data somewhere

--"Correct within an order of magnitude"

--"It might be argued that"
I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it

--"Much additional work will be required"
This paper isn't very good, but neither are all the others in this miserable field

--"These investigations proved highly rewarding"
My grant is going to be renewed

--"I thank X for assistance with the experiments and Y for useful discussions on the interpretation of the data"
X did the experiment and Y explained it to me

Run Away