"A Guide To Effective Scientific Communication"
I don't remember where I saw this, but I find it terribly amusing--mostly in its accuracy.
Phrases commonly used in scientific journals are followed by translations in itallics.
--"It has long been known"
I haven't bothered to look up the reference
--"It is believed"
--"It is generally believed"
A couple of other guys think so too
--"It is not unreasonable to assume"
If you believe this, you'll believe anything
--"Of great theoretical importance"
I find it kind of interesting
--"Of great practical importance"
I can get some mileage out of it
--"Typical results are shown"
The best results are shown
--"Three samples were chosen for study"
The others didn't make sense, so we ignored them
--"The four hour sample was not studied"
I dropped it on the floor
--"The four hour determination may not be significant"
I dropped it on the floor but scooped most of it up
--"The significance of these results is unclear"
Look at the pretty artifact
--"It has not been possible to provide definitive answers"
The experiment was negative, but at least I can publish the data somewhere
--"Correct within an order of magnitude"
--"It might be argued that"
I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it
--"Much additional work will be required"
This paper isn't very good, but neither are all the others in this miserable field
--"These investigations proved highly rewarding"
My grant is going to be renewed
--"I thank X for assistance with the experiments and Y for useful discussions on the interpretation of the data"
X did the experiment and Y explained it to me