"Pat me! Aren't I soft?"
1)I managed to render a gay coworker speechless today by telling him I loved him.
2)It's pretty hard to catch Stan off guard, so if I may say, I'm rather proud of myself.
3)Of course he heckled me mercilessly for the rest of the day, but so it goes.
4)He feels that Math stole me. He's in Reading, and because I started in Reading, he feels abandoned.
5)Or so he says. I think he just wants more people who appreciate his sarcasm. And frankness.
6)"They say it's your fault if the people you trained don't understand the question," he says.
7)"But hello, there are stupid people out there. We all know it.
8)"I accept responsibility to a point, but give me a room full of cabbages and there's only so much I can do."
9)You know, it just occurred to me last night that everyone I know is neurotic.
10)I'm serious--think about it. Do you know anyone who doesn't have some kind of issue?
11)I really don't think I do! We are all overworked guilt-ridden socially maladjusted freaks!
12)And I mean that in the nicest possible way, because I love my friends so, so much.
13)I'm just trying to be realistic here. It was Karen that did it, last night.
14)"I know it's easy to stress yourself out," she was telling Jocelyn. "Believe me, I know.
15)"I'm off of Prozac, so you'll notice everything is really, really clean right now."
16)She's one of the funniest people you'll ever meet, but she moves at a million miles an hour.
17)And she cleans when she's stressed out. If that wasn't clear. With bleach and everything.
18)Anyway, I was sitting quietly in the corner today when I started laughing.
19)This is not unusual, and the only people that talk to themselves more than me are Elaine and Janice.
20)Janice was sitting next to me, and my point is that she did not think twice about the laughing.
21)I had to share, however, so I told her, "I remember what I love about this, now.
22)"The question is about animal running speeds, right? This person graphed 'children' vs. 'kinds of fruit'."
23)"That's some fast fruit," she said. Indeed, it seems that bananas move at a speed of thirty children per hour.
24)Which reminds me, "You all know testing material doesn't leave this building, right?
25)"...*Andrea, are you writing this down?"