Election Day

"Never kiss someone wearing medicated chapstick"

1)So there's this fish, right?
2)For twenty years or so, UNH students have been throwing a fish on the ice at home hockey games.
3)It's a tradition started by one of the fraternities, and there are always two seats reserved by the goal for the students with the fish.
4)When UNH scores their first goal, the fish gets tossed on the ice.
5)It's just this thing.
6)It's not supposed to make sense, but it's cool, you know?
7)Now, I didn't know this until recently, but apparently the fraternity in charge of the fish throwing is no longer recognized by the university.
8)They had some sort of issue, and UNH kicked them off campus, or whatever.
9)Seems to happen to a lot with fraternities.
10)Anyway, they haven't been recognized for several years, but just last month UNH decided that the university was going to take over the fish-throwing.
11)The excuse they gave was the lack of recognition thing, but really they just knew a good thing when they saw it and wanted to get in on it.
12)So they're like, "Zeta Chi can't throw the fish anymore. We're going to give the responsibility to whatever organization we want--maybe we'll even rotate it, like some kind of freaky reward system."
13)Uh, hello. I'm not a fan of fraternities, just as a general rule, but Zeta Chi started the tradition.
14)If the university wanted to discontinue the fish-throwing, that would be one thing, but no. They want to do steal it!
15)At any rate, that was a month ago, and ever since UNH has been throwing a fish when the first goal is scored.
16)But Zeta Chi has been throwing THE fish, now known as "the renegade fish", right along side the university-sponsored fish.
17)Hockey officials do not find this amusing, as you might imagine.
18)They've been threatening UNH with penalties like "delay of game" if they don't stop throwing two fish on the ice every game.
19)So UNH is passing the pressure on, threatening the Zeta Chi students who are throwing THE fish.
20)First they took away their reserved seats.
21)Then they started ejecting the students after they threw the fish.
22)Then they announced that security would not allow any student that appeared to be carrying a fish into the arena.
23)I thought that would make a great protest: have everyone show up at the turnstyles with a fish.
24)My sister suggested that everyone bring a bag of goldfish to the game and throw those on the ice.
25)I think we might get more than "delay of game" for that.
26)At any rate, I don't know exactly what happened but if UNH was bluffing they lost big time.
27)Zeta Chi got a lawyer, started circulating petitions, and basically turned the fish story into a huge regional commotion.
28)This weekend, only one fish was thrown on the ice, and it was thrown by Zeta Chi brothers.
29)And they weren't kicked out afterwards, which is always a plus.
30)You can imagine some of the newspaper articles, though.
31)"Fishy Situation at UNH"
32)"School Tradition Flounders"
31)"The fraternity has not missed a beat, throwing a renegade fish to accompany the UNH-sanctioned fish at every home game so far this season."
32)"The extra fish took more time to clean up and added another chance for players to get injured by skating over fish guts," the Hockey East Commissioner said.
33)"The fraternity contended that despite having some on-campus troubles the past decade or so, the brothers are still tuition-paying students at UNH and deserve to toss the fish as much as any other student."

Run Away