"Did you really get bitten by a dog?"
1)So I have this slight tendency to forget things.
2)Some might even go so far as to call me absent-minded.
3)But I submit that this is categorically untrue.
4)I am, after all a brilliant driver.
5)And that requires some small measure of focus.
6)Why, just the other day I was taking my sister to the dojo.
7)I pulled out of my parking space and hit the truck next to me.
8)Not hard, you understand.
9)Just a little love tap.
10)And if the truck had been two inches shorter I wouldn't have hit it at all.
11)I got out to make sure Moonbeam was okay, and when I got back in my sister asked how it looked.
12)I was like, "Well, the truck's fine, but Moonbeam's got a little scrape on her bumper."
13)What else are bumpers for, that's what I want to know.
14)My sister was like, "Dude, that's a two-ton steel monster; of *course* the truck's fine. I'm surprised Moonbeam didn't just shrivel up on contact!"
15)She offered to drive anyway.
16)As she was getting out at the dojo, she told me, "Try not to hit anything on your way out, okay? People here know me."
17)She offered to drive again tonight when I put the car in reverse in the parking lot.
18)It wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't been going forward at about twenty miles an hour at the time.
19)She was like, "What was that!"
20)I just sighed. "You're going to laugh."
21)She waited, and I had to admit, "I thought that was the radio."
22)"You put the car in reverse to change the radio station?"
23)And of course, when we got back to her dorm she couldn't leave without a parting shot.
23)"Don't forget, dude, the radio's on the dashboard!"
24)I only tell you these stories to remind you how hard it actually is to drive.
25)So really, the fact that I can do it at all is a minor miracle.
26)And I'm certainly not the least bit absent-minded.