"What good is a dollar without your baby sister?
Two scoops of ice cream on a summer afternoon
We ran wild, and all we ever wanted was to rule the world
Between our house and school"
1)It's Dude's birthday today!
2)Well, yesterday by seventeen minutes, now.
3)Want to know what I got her?
4)It was very meaningful, something that showed I knew her, and something she'd never in a million years get for herself.
5)She has a brand new rubber chicken hanging in her window!
6)A screaming rubber chicken, no less!
7)I was really quite proud of myself; it's hard to find a good rubber chicken these days.
8)I had to explain to several people that I didn't want just any old yellow rubber bird.
9)I wanted a quality rubber chicken, and let me tell you, they're in short supply.
10)So are people who don't look at you strangely when you say the words "I'm looking for a quality rubber chicken."
11)Especially, for some odd reason, when you're carrying a birding book in one hand and binocculars in the other.
12)And maybe the t-shirt didn't help much either.
13)I needed a new nightshirt, and I thought I'd better wear it around a little, just to break it in, you know?
14)Unfortunately, it has an inmate number on the front.
15)On the back it says "State Prison Psychiatric Ward" in big black letters.
16)Oh, and just as a tip for the future--screaming rubber chickens do not fit in ordinary size bags, so when you go to get coffee you have to do something with the chicken while you stir in the whipped cream and chocolate shavings.
17)And if you happen to tuck it under your arm, try to remember that it's called a "screaming" rubber chicken for a reason.
18)Make sure to be well away from the coffee shop before you let go of it.