"So take me as I am, in case I never change"
1)The woods were quiet and dark today.
2)When it's sunny, they feel busy and bright and boisterous.
3)But today it rained, and the only motion was the drooping of leaves under raindrops and the occasional shadow of a crow winging silently by.
4)All the trees lean in over the trail when they're heavy with water, lowering the canopy and making a tunnel of green and grey.
5)I had a lot of time to think while I was walking through the soggy forest, so naturally my thoughts turned to significant matters.
6)You know how you turn bras inside out if they itch? Why can't you do that with underwires? It doesn't seem fair.
7)I don't understand why bra manufacturers put the seams on the inside anyway. I mean, if I wanted to show off in my underwear, I'd get a bikini.
8)It's not that I'm against looking sexy. But women are born sexy. We don't need fancy bras to make ourselves look good.
9)When I'm plowing through a stream or crashing under brush, the last thing I care about is whether the seams on my bra are showing.
10)I usually wear a shirt over it anyway, you know? Just as a matter of practicality.
11)And to be completely honest, when I'm buying sexy lingerie, I don't get it from the same company that makes my everyday bras anyway.
12)So why can't they just make some inside-out bras as a trial product or something? I'd buy them all myself!
13)Well, all the ones that were my size.
14)When I finally got tired of thinking about bras and bra manufacturers, I moved on to power lawn equipment.
15)I love riding lawnmowers. They're like go-karts for adults, except you don't have to stay on the track.
16)The other day I was out mowing and I needed to take apart this section of chain link to get the mower inside the daycare fence.
17)Since I didn't have a wrench in my pocket (shame on me) I had to go raid someone else's toolbox.
18)I was like, "Let's see. I could walk the three acres between me and thee in a few minutes.
19)"Or I could just cruise over on my BOBCAT and park it outside the building!"
20)Guess which I did. Yup, Ms. Environmentally Conscious, right here.
21)In my defense, it might have used more gas to restart the mower than it took to drive over to the building.
22)Where I turned off the mower while I went inside to find a wrench, and then had to restart it anyway. Hmm.
23)Well, moving on. Karen maintains that the party favors for her reception were not, in fact, the Easter-colored M&Ms that they appeared to be.
24)"They're mint lentils," she informed me. "It's totally different.
25)"It's more expensive chocolate, is what it is."