Notice



So I got a forward yesterday.
I found it somewhat amusing, mostly in its inaccuracy.
It was titled "Benefits of Being a Woman".

--"We got off the Titanic first."

 I beg to differ. If I heard someone say, "God himself could not sink this ship," I wouldn't even get *on*. Talk about asking for it.

--"We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses."

 I don't even know what the word "gynecological" means. I prefer to scare male bosses by warning them to stay away from my girlfriend--"or else!"

--"We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers."

 I was a stalker in a previous life, and it's not as bad as everyone seems to think.

--"We can cry and get off speeding fines."

 No self-respecting woman would get caught speeding. Two words: "drive faster."

--"We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing."

 No, I look like a goat on a caffeine high.

--"If we're dumb, some people will find it cute."

 Yeah, other dumb people. Do you want them to find you cute? When I'm dumb, which frankly is a lot of the time, I keep my mouth shut.

--"We have the ability to dress ourselves."

 *That* explains why I wear the same pair of overalls every day of the week.

--"If we marry someone twenty years younger than us, we're aware that we look like an idiot."

 This, in my case, is a temporal and legal impossibility.

--"There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems."

 Oh, it can not. Most forms of mental, physical, and emotional distress require the application of high explosives to be truly "solved".

--"We'll never regret piercing our ears."

 Why would anyone regret piercing their ears? Hello, take the earrings out and no one has to know.

--"We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes."

 I must be the proverbial monkey wrench in that plan, then.

And here's my personal favorite:
--"We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a video game."

 Other than the frog in a blender comment, this was the only one that made me laugh aloud. Somewhere in the world, there is a woman who's missing out in a big way.




Run Away