"Strike!"

"Oh, it was not," Ashley's voice argued. "That was such a gutter ball."

"What game are you playing?" Carlos demanded. "All the pins fell down!"

"Yeah, after the ball hit the wall!"

"Who says it can't bounce off the wall?"

"The rules!" Ashley sounded indignant. "Bowling alleys don't let you bounce balls off the wall! It's down the middle or nothing!"

"Hi Kerone," Carlos added belatedly, finally catching sight of her at the other end of the hallway. "How's it going?"

"Good," she answered. She stepped around the pins scattered haphazardly across the floor and wandered down the hall toward them. "How are you?"

"Carlos cheats!" Ashley exclaimed. "He's trying to tell me that he's allowed to count that as a strike even after the ball hit the wall!"

"I am," Carlos insisted stubbornly. "I'm telling you, the pins fell down."

"And I'm telling you it doesn't matter because the ball hit the wall!"

Kerone was tempted to tell him that the rules she had been taught put him in the wrong, but she suspected he knew that perfectly well. The two of them were probably having as much fun arguing as they had been playing the game. "Have either of you seen Zhane?" she asked instead.

"No," Ashley said, momentarily diverted. "But Andros is on the Bridge. If DECA doesn't know, he might."

"Thanks," Kerone said with a smile, pausing by her door to study the hallway. Given that she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to find him, she hadn't asked DECA yet. And since she had just come from talking with Andros, she wasn't about to turn around and go back.

"Want to play?" Carlos asked. He must have either seen her expression or misinterpreted her hesitation, and the offer was a kind one.

Still, she shook her head. "No thanks. I'm just thinking."

"Too bad Carlos doesn't do that," Ashley teased. "Then he wouldn't still be trying to claim that supposed strike."

"Hey, in indoor soccer you play it off the walls," Carlos informed her. "How is this any different?"

"All bowling is indoors!" Ashley exclaimed. "There's no difference between indoor bowling in one place and indoor bowling in another!"

"So you're saying that if we play outdoors I get to make the rules?"

"No! And you know why? Because first it would have to stop raining long enough for us to do anything, and second, you're already making up rules here so why should I give you permission to do it anywhere else?"

Carlos grinned at her. "Because of my good looks and charming personality?"

"You're lucky you're funny, Carlos," Ashley told him, smirking.

Kerone smiled to herself. "Enjoy your study break," she murmured, turning back to her door at last. She would miss hearing their banter every afternoon.

"See you, Kerone," Carlos called, and Ashley echoed him.

She let the door close behind her, soaking in the darkness for just a moment. There was something comforting about the night, and though she sometimes found that thought symbolically troubling, she couldn't deny that it was true. In the darkness it was just her, and it was a situation that seemed increasingly rare these days.

Finally, she reached out and touched the control panel by the door. The lights came up, banishing the darkness and taking a part of her with it. They had the added effect of illuminating Zhane, sitting motionless in the chair by her computer terminal.

She was careful not to let her reaction show, but his sudden presence made her muscles tense as her body searched instinctively for a threat. The others had learned very quickly not to sneak up on her, but he seemed to do it over and over, completely by accident.

At least, she assumed it was by accident.

"Zhane," she said, by way of greeting. Her tone was cooler than she had meant it to be, but she was already a bit on edge and he had startled her.

He studied her, not moving from his original position. It wasn't his usual careless sprawl; today he sat stiffly in her chair with his arms folded across his chest. His eyes were dark and troubled, and his expression was far from one of lazy indifference. Without having to ask, she knew he knew.

"Hi Kerone," he said quietly, his gaze sliding toward her bed.

She tried not to wince. He had done that on purpose, she was sure. He only called her "Kerone" when he was upset about something, and since he tried so hard to project an untroubled air it was sometimes the only indicator she had. Today wasn't one of those times, but it certainly added emphasis to his disapproval.

She followed his gaze, studying the frame pack she had borrowed from Cassie as though she had never seen it before. It contained few clothes, for she could simulate most of what she needed. She did have the jacket Ashley had given her for Christmas, and one of Andros' sweatshirts--he had said the Ranger insignia might come in handy someday.

Other than that, though, it was mostly supplies, both borrowed and synthesized. She had known as soon as she opened her mouth to Saryn last time that Cassie would eventually find out, but she had needed his advice more than anyone's. And Cassie had turned out to be surprisingly helpful, from the loan of the backpack to a fairly comprehensive view of what she might need or want.

"You could have told me," Zhane said, breaking into her reflection.

She deliberately didn't shrug. That was his gesture when he wanted to brush something off, and she couldn't do that. Not if she was going to do what she had to and still keep his friendship.

"It was a decision I had to make alone," she said at last. "It's something I have to *do* alone, and I had to start with the decision."

"You told Saryn." His tone was even, but she could see the hurt in his eyes.

She would have dearly loved to ask how he knew that, but she knew that would just make it sound like she had been trying to keep it from him. There were no secrets on the Megaship, not for long. That was one of the reasons she had to leave.

"I told Saryn," she agreed slowly. She didn't want to hurt him, but she wasn't going to tell him something that wasn't true either. "I told him because I knew he wouldn't try to influence me one way or the other, and I needed his advice. He knows more about being out in the local group alone than any of us do."

"As a Ranger!" Zhane burst out. "Not as a civilian! And not as a *girl*!"

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't appreciate that," she informed him. "I may not be a Ranger, but I'm not exactly powerless. And there are plenty of people in the galaxies who don't even recognize humans, let alone gender."

That didn't seem to reassure him in the slightest. "Would you have been happier if I said human, then?" he demanded. "Saryn's not that either. He was raised in a colony that probably taught him more about the way things work than someone sheltered all her life by evil's most powerful forces could ever learn!"

That stung, and she knew he had meant it to. She felt a flicker of doubt and she frowned irritably, trying to regain her precarious calm. She wasn't going to let him drag her into his argument the way he had so many times before.

"I respect you, Zhane," she told him firmly. "Even when you're insulting and offensive. But I respect myself, too, and I know this is something that I have to do. I'm sorry you're being such a jerk about it, but it's not going to change my mind."

He stared at her, open-mouthed, and she held her breath. Outwardly she managed to maintain her composure, but inwardly she flinched. It took practice to learn to be tactful, and sometimes she was afraid that years of letting words fly without the slightest consideration might have made her incapable of it.

Finally, he looked away. "Okay," he muttered, dropping the word into the silence like a stone. "Right." She thought she saw him swallow. "Will you at least tell me why?"

She tried not to sigh. That single question was the reason she had avoided telling anyone but Saryn until today. She had no glib answer for "why?" and that was all anyone seemed to want. No one wanted to hear, "because" or "I just do".

"I don't know," she admitted at last.

He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. "Zhane, all I can tell you is that when I left the Dark Fortress five months ago, Andros said I could do anything I wanted. He said I didn't owe the Rangers anything, and I believed him."

She stopped, trying to gauge his reaction somehow. She knew she had to convince him that this was important to her before he would listen. "Andros said I could stay on the Megaship or not--he said he didn't want me to go, but that it was my decision. Five months ago, I decided to stay because I wanted to get to know my brother, and you, and Rangers that weren't as evil as I used to think.

"But now things are different." She was still studying him, wishing Zhane's inscrutable stare were a little more revealing. She didn't want to give him a chance to interrupt, but she did wish she knew what was going through his mind. "Now I know my brother, and sometimes I even feel like I know you. I've gotten to know the other Rangers, to the point where I know they mean it when they call me a friend."

She took a deep breath. If only she could just will him to understand. "The only one I still don't know is me, Zhane. I used to think I did, and when I gave that up I thought I'd find a new identity to take its place. But I haven't. I don't know who I am, and it's not getting any clearer by staying here, or even by riding around with Saryn.

"He's been wonderful," she added, not wanting to belittle the other's efforts to help her find a place for herself. "But that's not me either, and until I know what is I'm just going to go through the motions, not really doing anything and getting more and more restless until I can't *stand* it anymore."

She shifted, barely keeping herself from stamping her foot. It was a leftover mannerism that she hadn't quite learned to suppress. By the quirk of Zhane's lips, he had seen her movement and knew exactly what it meant. She tried not to let that exasperate her further.

Then, quietly, he told her, "I understand."

She looked at him in surprise, her frustration evaporating with those two words. She had expected him to retort, to tell him that there was plenty for her to do, or that they needed her here, or even that she wouldn't find anything out there that wasn't already inside, or *something*. She could think of every argument he didn't voice, and she didn't have an answer for any of them.

"You... do?" She couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Yeah." He wasn't any easier to read now than he had been before, but at least he was agreeing with her. "I do." He sighed a little. "Do you... do you know where you're going, yet?"

She had a vague idea where she might start, but she shook her head "no" so he wouldn't ask. "I'll call," she offered tentatively. "If you want me to."

"Of *course* I want you to." She didn't quite catch the expression that flitted across his face before he pulled her into an awkward hug. "I'm not going to be able to stop worrying about you. Call every time you can, and I mean *every* time. Please."

She swallowed, surprised by his sudden turnabout. "You're the Ranger," she mumbled, putting her arms around him gingerly and hugging back. "I'll be more worried about you than you will about me."

"At least I'll have the team," he replied, his voice rough. "You're going to be out there all alone."

"Not really alone," she protested half-heartedly. "Not alone like Saryn was. Or like Andros." She felt him tremble a little at the mention of Andros, and she added, "I'll still have you..."

He squeezed her harder, and tears pricked her eyelids as she realized this might be the last time she felt his arms around her for a long time. She heard him whisper, "You'll always have me," and she tried not to sniffle. Crying wouldn't help anything.

He held her for a long time, until at last she wondered if he planned to let go at all. Finally, she drew back herself, keeping her head down so he couldn't see her face. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him lift a hand to scrub his own eyes impatiently, and the thought that he was that sorry to see her go gave her pause. Was she right to let them all go on without her, while she went off searching for something she couldn't even define?

"Could you do me a favor?" Zhane's voice was no stronger than it had been before, and when she looked up his gaze was bright with unshed tears.

She nodded wordlessly, not trusting herself to speak.

He reached up, tugging the two necklaces he wore free from under his t-shirt. He untangled them carefully, pulling the silver chain loose and slipping it off over his head. The violet star she had made for him so long ago now still hung against his shirt as he held the phoenix medallion out to her.

"Take this," he said, when she made no movement. He tried to smile. "It worked for me, after all."

"But..." She stared at it, not knowing what else to say.

"You promised," he reminded her, a little unsteadily. "This is the favor, so take it. I want you to have it."

When she reached for it at last, he lifted it higher and placed it over her head. She had to tug her hair free, and the silver chain settled around her neck as he let it go. She touched the medallion gently, and she felt his hand caress her cheek.

"Come back to me, Astrea," he whispered. "Find yourself--and then find me. I'll still be here."

Her fingers closed over the silver phoenix. "I will," she promised.