Holly's Adventures in Vegas--Hags in Babylon

Friday, 11/21
1:30 AM--Holly, Joe (Starf*%ker), and BL arrive at the Rio! Stoli flows at the Martini Bar.
1:00 PM--Blue Lena (BL) & Holly check out the Motown Cafe at the NYNY Casino. Stoli for BL and double cappucinos for Holly, the caffeine junkie!
5:30ish--Elizabeth and Kenny arrive at the Rio and come to Holly & Joe's suite. BL & Holly are dressed in tight velvet dresses [hey, we're Keith's Hags :-) ]. BL's dress is long and lean; Holly's is short&sassy! Both are wearing slut pumps! Hag group hugs ensue!
6:30--Kenny wins $220 at the slots! He & E dine at Napa gourmet restaurant at a table near BL, Holly, and Holly's zany Sicilian relatives. We mangia bene and drink molto vino!!
10:30--Joe wins $200 at the craps table! Time to get some margaritas! Rest of evening is hazy...
Saturday, 11/22, Stones Day!!
Joe, Holly, E, and BL raid Sprint promo booth and karaoke contest at the MGM Grand. We swipe posters and mouse pads and listen to some chick on amphetamines sing Satisfaction just like Yoko Ono.
1:30ish--Holly, Joe, E, Kenny, and BL dine at the Voodoo Lounge (love the name!) at the Rio. We meet Angie McCartney (Paul's stepmum!), Ruth McCartney (Paul's half sis and an int'l celeb in her own right), and her beau, Martin Nethercutt. They are awesome! We talk about the Stones, England, and all sorts of cool stuff. We have several rounds of cocktails (Stoli for E, Holly, and BL of course!).
5:00--Hags and Jim Crowley arrive at the Hard Rock Cafe.We see fellow Hag Dini, Blue (he's so sweet!), Manny (another sweetie), his wife Tina, ST, Tom, T&F, JF, and his wife Beverly. Manny gives us all really cool silver tongues--mine is already on a chain!
8:00--MORE drinks at the Sports Bar...
9ish--BL, Holly, and Joe find their awesome seats and look for stars. We spot Stephen Bochco and Kiefer Sutherland, but can't find Heather Locklear across the stadium. We do see plenty of skinny blonds with 6-in. heels and miniskirts which is fine with Joe...
10:00--The Stones carry us into a nonstop screaming frenzy!! Highlights include Saint of Me, You Don't Have to Mean It, Gimme Shelter (still drives Holly wild!), and YCAGWYW!! Mick notices my glow-in-the-dark I LOVE KEITH sign but unfortunately Keith doesn't. :-(
Sunday, 11/23
11ish--Holly, Joe, and BL check out Caesars' megamall. We make a beeline for the Virgin Megastore. I finally get Mojo with Keith on the cover (they don't sell Mojo in the wilds of NJ). BL gets a "Virgin box"
Then we meet my family for lunch at Spago (once again courtesy of the Mirage, where Pop cleaned up at the poker table). Holly and Joe each steal a Spago ashtray for the living room.
3:00--Holly and BL get massages!! We meet up in the steam room. The heat makes Holly giddy so she does tricks with fruit (they're kinda cute!), and does a dead on Mick impression singing Under My Thumb.
5:00--Tom, E, BL, Holly, Uncle Kenny, and Grandpa Joe meet in the Martini Bar. Stolis for the Hags, triple martinis for Tom and Gramps.
11:00--Hags, Uncle Kenny, and Tom go to the Sand Dollar and meet up with JF (thanks for the pickmeup!), and Beverly. We meet Marianne and the rest of the Voodoo Lounge band. They are so amazing!
The only thing to divert our attention is some people dancing a hoedown to the music, particularly amphetamine woman(ever see Elaine dance on Seinfeld?). James & Scott (Mick & Keith Wood) are great sports and let the Hags sing backing "vocals" on Honky Tonk Women and Sympathy.

Monday, 11/25
4:00 AM--Hags and dudes say goodbye to the band and thank them for a FABULOUS evening of great Stones music. They promise to meet us the next evening at the Rio's Voodoo Lounge.
5:00--Holly stumbles to bed, trying not to wake "Grampa Joe." E, BL, & Ken go get a bite and Uncle Kenny gets MORE beer and skips around the slot machines!
7:00AM--Holly wakes up to call NY for MSG tix (road trip with Blinded--yea!)
11:00--Hags check out Rio's Mardi Gras festivities...
7:00 PM--A tearful goodbye to E & Uncle Kenny who have to catch their flight home. :-(
JF, Beverly, Tom, BL, Joe, & Holly go to Voodoo Cafe to meet the VL band. Marianne greets us and whispers that Rio security led them to a special VIP section because the staff believes that James & Scott are REALLY Mick & Keith
So we play along and are ushered to a private area with a couch and cozy chairs. We order lots of strong cocktails...
James is decked out in shades and a turquoise jacket a la Mick; Scott sports shades, leather jacket, & silver bracelet a la Keith. The drinks are flowing and the staff is actually buying this whole scene!
James (Mick) gets a security escort to a private loo. BL gives Scott (Keith) her skull scarf to make him even more convincing! Marianne looks like she belongs with the entourage in her vinyl minidress and heels.
Joe gets a photo of "Mick" licking Holly's cheek (think Mick & Ron on SNL in 1978). Holly gets a photo of Marianne sprawled suggestively on Joe's lap. then she takes a few photos of BL and "Keith" looking VERY chummy.
Time to eat. Security leads us to a private elevator, down a blocked off hallway, and over to a private section of Bamboleo's Mexican restaurant. BL snaps a pic of Holly and "Keith" feeding each other messy enchiladas. Then a Rio employee dressed like Carmen Miranda asks "Mick" to sign her banana. He replies, "only if you'll sign mine"
Since we're with "the Stones," the food is free. As we get up to leave, Tom talks to security (what a road manager!) to arrange limo transprt to the Sand Dollar.
While waiting out front, people are staring and photographing us! "Mick" even signs a few autographs (so THAT"S how those counterfeit ones are circulated). Finally we decide to take our "decoy van" (the band's). "Mick" yells out the window, "we're doing a gig at the Sand Dollar."
Lo & behold, some tourists followed us to the Sand Dollar. When the band gets up to do an impromptu set, some guys in suits excitedly snap a few polaroids. One guy says, "This is the best way to see the Stones--in a small club."
The rest of us laughed our a%#es off!
I apologize if this account seems a bit disjointed. The author was overindulging in Stoli and Island Breezes while observing the above events...
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