Such was the tension and hype surrounding the Astro Soccer Leagues "Old Firm" derby, that Railway Union saw fit to supply us with enough Gardai to look after crowd control. Rumours that the Guards were there to "interview" Adrian Maguire about the theft 5,000 cotton wool balls and a pair of comedy tits were quashed quickly.
Truth be told, the game wasn't up to much. There wasn't one gash that needed stiches, not one sending off, and only one lost football. Even Flor Brosnan wasn't humping the ball into orbit every time he touched it. To show how unbeautiful the game was, the best goal was the first one, and it was a penalty. Fergus Meharg, a man who kicks with the left foot in more ways than one, slotted a lovely penalty home, knocking it deftly off his ankle and watching it go in completely the wrong direction he intended it to.
The First half ended with the usual flurry of Blanch Defenders punting the ball as far away from themselves as possible, as City came on the attack.
We were all pretty depressed at halftime, so in true leader fashion, Steve and Aaron decided to have their now traditional halftime fight. Having two people go at each other is good for morale, as we all get to have our fill of water whilst they're digging each other.
The second half was a complete blur, I think my mind has blocked the memory of it out. Probably to do with the incredibly high standard of goals, the pick of which was............ummm..........ok, you've got me.
Anyway, as this is our first match report of this season, I thought I'd follow in Iona's footsteps by giving nicknames to everyone on our team in a manner that even the most hardened Iona player would be proud of. So well done to:
Aaron "Rasher" Trant, Simon "Rasher" Molloy, Sean "Rasher" Prior, Don "Rasher" Gormley, Stephen "Rasher" Boyce, Flor "Rash Challenge" Brosnan, Gary "Smoked Rasher" Kavanagh, Brendan "White Pudding" Carney, Andrew "Spare Ribs" McCarthy, and all the other rashers, from me: Mark " Seven Rashers" Cruise..
It was derby day once again on Tuesday night in the Astro First Division and IBM Blanchardstown took all three points in their encounter with IBM City in a competitive but lack lustre encounter at Railway Union. While Blanch took the laurels with a two-goal margin, the scoreline flattered the performance in many respects, but they were in the end deserving victors.
Blanch drew first blood after City awkwardly conceded a handball penalty after six minutes. The reliable Gus Meharg converted it in his own inimitable style, and set the pace for Blanch domination for the next ten minutes. City, undaunted, clawed their way back into the game, regained their composure for the remaining ten minutes of the first half and were unlucky not to score : a loose man in the semi-circle snatched defeat from the jaws of equalisation by driving the ball over the crossbar. It was a let-off for Blanch that boded ill for the second-half.
Sure enough, the second-half began as the first ended, and Blanch were under pressure. After four minutes, City broke forward from half-way in a passing movement which culminated in a good goal as Blanch were dragged out of position. It then had the makings of a great game; but Blanch had not read the script. Cruiser, Boycie and Flor began the restructuring of the Blanch defence, midfield and forwards and Blanch responded immediately, in the tradition of great teams, by applying pressure at the other goal-mouth to force a corner. The apparent mayhem that followed was merely a cunning ruse devised by Micko, Tranty and Spencer and Simon - one of the well rehearsed goal-mouth scenarios - that provided enough distraction for Spence to head it home with his foot (sorry Sean, I wasn't sure whether it was a header).
Blanch then had their gander up but, in fairness to City, there was no let up in the opposition. The remaining twenty minutes were played out at a cracking pace, but Blanch were more than equal to it. Their third goal came after a midfield movement saw the Don lay off the ball to Tranty, who found Spencer almost on the end line. But Spence turned, as if on a saucer, and buried it a la Micky Owen. That sealed it for Blanch although City did not give up.
So, after five games Blanch are still undefeated. It's still too early to say what way the league will go, but in terms of derby games, Blanch have now definitely gained the balance of advantage : two victories and two draws in the last four encounters. But this derby lacked much of the hype surrounding previous ones : it lived up to prematch expectations only because pre-match expectations were not high. That said, however, IBM stalwart Flor Brosnan now holds the record of having played in an incredible thirteen IBM derbies and only lost once. And to emulate that record, Brendan Carney, having seen the writing on the wall with City, signed for the winners.
So, well done Blanch and best of luck in the league. And well done City, thanks for the training session!
IBM Blanchardstown Team:
M. Cruise, G. Kavanagh, F. Meharg, F.Brosnan, B. Carney, D. Gormley, S Boyce, S. Prior, M. O'Brien, A. Trant, S. Molloy
Subs : D. Eade (for M. O'Brien 40mins), P. Hamilton for B. Carney (45mins), A. McCarthy for A. Trant (55mins), N. McLernon for S. Prior (55mins), D. Fallon, D. McCarthy.
FC Blanch 0 v 2 SystemHouse, 11th June 1998.
Last night at Railway Union, SystemHouse triumphed over FC Blanch in a way more akin to a Brazilian league team. Fair enough, in the first 15-20 minutes of the match ShitHouse where the better team and were unlucky on a few occasions not to be ahead but what followed was a disgrace. Thats not to say FCB didnt have their chances and could have taken the lead had the ball from Boyce to Trant been better or some of our shooting been more accurate.
Anyway, this is the FCB view of the game. Shithouse were getting more and more frustrated especially their number six. So, on about 20 minutes of the first half he and Michael O'Brien went for a header and when both landed he kicked out at Michael. I know this is meant to be a friendly league but if refs are giving foul throws then the rules state that a kick is a kick and therefore a sending off offence. Amazingly he wasnt even booked (must have been his lame excuse - "it was a mistimed tackle ref"). Then he had the audacity to ask "our" players to get "their" ball that was kicked over the back fence !!!! Just after that they took the lead. To be fair it was a well taken goal.
The second half started with Blanch well on top. ShitHouse tried to play the counter-attack game but some excellant defending by Hamilton, Carney and Kavanagh stopped them in their tracks. With Meharg pushing up more into midfield ShitHouse were under a lot of pressure and it finally told when FCB were awarded a penalty, Up stepped Gus and unfortunately he done a Baggio and the ball went over the bar. This would have broken a lot of teams, but one thing we have added this season is grit. We dug back in and had them under more pressure. They had a few breaks and could have scored. About 10 minutes from time Gus came forward trying to attone for his miss had a cross-come-shot and it came back of the post !! Was this going to be one those games for us ??? Just after that, FCB where awarded a free-kick on the half-way line. Brosnan lined it up and shot it bounced a few times and hit the back of the net - GOAL !! FCB strolled back only to turn and see the ShitHouse keeper taking a free !! What happened do i hear you ask ? Well, the ref never signalled so Flor assumed a direct free-kick, but no it was in-direct. Must have been their whinging that turned that decision.
Then we all turned to see David Eade from FCB being held back from the ugly bloke in the ShitHouse defence. We all ran up to see and Dave said he was elbowed. Knowing Dave, he doesnt get ragged easy so something DEFINITELY happened, but our old friend the ref booked both. Was it our day ? Was it fuck ! During this 10-men-5-minutes they had a break away and scored. The game fizzled out and that was that. Last week we could bear being deducted a goal for being late but when you kick and hit and get away with it thats when it hurts. Well, thats our view and no doubt ShitHouse will have a different one - one that might keep them in the league !!!
FC Blanch 8 v 0 IOL, 18th June 1998.
Match Report by James Thurber
All was well in the world and God was back in his throne for the triumph of IBM Blanchardstown over table proppers, Ireland Off-Line in a boring eight-goals-to-nil thrashing on Thursday night.. And aptly so-called as IOL produced a performance unworhty of Division 1. Surely question marks must now surround the make-up of the premier division.
The game was a personal triumph also for young Andrew McCarthy, whose welcome return to the fray - after a savage beating on the ribs by City some weeks ago - saw him account for all but one of the IBM goals : the eight goal, an IOL own-goal, was probably the best of the night! His first goal was taken taken with a dive-in header, promptly followed by a bicycle kick score, a direct free kick (left-leg), then one from the right leg. Goal number five was an amazing banana shot that fooled everyone and alarmed the sheep behind the goal. Number six was a lob from the half-way line, while number seven resulted from a run inside his own half in which he passed seven defenders, swerved and dummied the goalkeeper.
This brings his personal tally to eleven and he now leads the premiership as the top-scorer, and leading IBM scorer of all time. Little wonder, then, that he was taken on by Sky Sports as a panel member for World Cup '98 commentary. Shortly too he will have his on show on ITV called Football Basics for Dummies. His autobiography * is currently on sale in Easons, where he will be available this Saturday to sign copies.
* Football : My Life (Blanchardstown Publications, Dublin : 1998), RRP IEP44.00 (œ35.99 Sterling Area)
Teams
IBM : Andrew McCarthy
IOL : 11 mixed vegetables
FC Blanch 3 v 0 Cognotec, 25th June 1998.
After winning eight nil last week against Ireland Off-line, it was hardly surprising that Cognotec Cognoattack Cognoteam took fright and failed to show up for this encounter. Result : Three-Nil to IBM; and three points in the bag to boot. Rumour has it now that IONA are running scared too and Terence has already left the country. Well, who could blame him really? Blanch are fantastic.
Anyway, the IBM'ers had already paid their money for this league and were no going to lose an opportunity for a kick around on the astroturf. So they all went out to Whitechurch on Flor's camel. The only problem was one of the uprights for the goal was missing. For a while it looked like they couldn't play until that ubiquitous gobshite Quigley who writes the NOMAD reports turned up. Problem solved : They used him as a goalpost as he's not up to much else. He never got a game with IBM so he cried and left the company : all very grown-up of him. Now he churns out semi-literate garbage on behalf of a bunch of street urchins who have allowed him to play with them. Fair enough : dirt finds its own level.
Well the training session went fine until Flor took a pile driver from thirty-five yards and the goal post opened his mouth and swallowed the ball. It looks like we won't be hearing from for now.
On a final note, some of you may still be unaware that the I/S dept in Ballycoolin are celebrating Christmas during the first week in July, so you are welcome to join in the festivities with us.