The Irishman's Lament
I was drinking on St Patty's Day
(To skip it would be sinful.)
I went with Mick
To Augenblick
Where I fear I had a skinful.
I started with Rogue Empire Stout;
While thick, it was quite yummy
But tended, as I moved about
To gurgle in my tummy.
So I stood up and steeled my nerve
For a move some might think risky
I slapped my money down with verve -
"Barkeep! Bring me whiskey!"
The whiskey mixed well with the beer;
The bartender just snickered
I guess to him it was quite clear
That I was getting liquored.
Because the whiskey sat so well
I ordered a Newcastle
And followed with an ale from Bell
That went down with no hassle.
The room began to gently spin
But still I didn't slack
I contemplated drinking gin
But had another Jack.
Then we hit a greasy spoon
That was across the street
For I knew I might sleep 'til noon
If I forgot to eat.
They didn't have filet mignon
Or plaice sauteed in butter
Just a waitress who looked 91
And spoke with quite a stutter.
Believe me or believe me not
This place did not have buns!
So wheat-toast burgers we both got
(Not my idea of fun.)
But still the burgers did the job
Of soaking up the liquor
For I'd been drinking like a slob;
Without food, I'd be sicker.
We got home slightly after 1;
I should have gone to bed
But a card game sounded like good fun
So I stayed up instead.
At last, when it was almost 3
I staggered in and crashed
It was quite clear for all to see
That John was truly trashed.
Today I do not feel so well.
I guess it could be worse;
A barroom is an Irish hell
And beer the Irish curse!
