Al-ke-hol

To alcohol, the cause of all life's problems, and the solution to all life's problems. -Homer

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the Canadian 
Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all 
beer containers:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a Chippendale.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again 
until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you 
to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members 
of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something 
really scary (whose name and/ or species you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and 
smarter than some really big guy named Gorilla.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time space continuum whereby small 
(and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.