The Most Eligible Bachelor

by Windsor Blue

Genre: Romantic comedy, I hope...

Warnings - None for this chapter. Overall - some swearing, some innuendo...the usual stuff.

Rating - PG-13

Pairings - The principal pairing in this is 3x4, with the set-up for a future 1x2 and eventual 1x2x5.

Note - This is the first of a planned trilogy arc of multi-part romantic comedy-style fics. They're gonna be long, and they intersect with pretty much everything else I've ever written, so over the course of the arc characters and events from the "Letters to Quatre" and "Favorite Uncle" series will poke their noses in. Fair warning!

Many thanks to everyone who has been egging me on!

Feedback to: windsorblue17@yahoo.com

Chapter 2

"Representatives of the Earth Sphere Unified Nations Parliament, Mister Chairman, and my fellow citizens - good morning. I am Quatre Raberba Winner, and I will be speaking this morning in support of legislation proposed by Representative Peacecraft - specifically Bill Number 199-01C - regarding the issuance of reparations payments to the Colonial War-era residents of colonies at L2, L3 and L5."

Trowa had to laugh to himself because Adele, from her perch in the Observation Gallery amongst the members of the press corps, was lip-synching the words as Quatre read them.

He settled against the wall in a long hallway that fed into the Parliamentary Chamber, arms and legs crossed before him, and amused himself by watching her speak with Quatre's voice. Absently, he wondered whose opinions were really being expressed.

"The proposed legislation is understandably controversial, and my support of it does not come lightly. My role in the Colonial War is well documented, and my hands did not go unbloodied. But it is my assertion that a sweeping reparations program is necessary to heal post-war wounds that have been allowed to fester for far too long."

"What's so funny?" came a gruff whisper from behind him, and he inclined his head to see Heero standing at his shoulder.

"Quatre's press secretary," he replied, nodding in her direction. "I'm not sure which one of them was more nervous about this thing."

"Hard telling," Heero agreed. Suddenly he was having a hell of a time not smirking. "So, 'tiger in the sack,' huh?"

Trowa lifted an eyebrow in reply. " 'East met West and - ' "

" 'Made a little magic happen,' " they finished together. "I know, I know - it's awful." Heero admitted.

"Could've been worse," Trowa said.

"Yeah, we could've been Duo."

Trowa snorted at that. "Poor Duo - he must be near livid."

"Yeah, it must suck to be in the double digits."

"Neither I, nor Representative Peacecraft, mean to imply that a price can be levied on human suffering. In fact, I believe quite the opposite is true. But there are some crimes for which a simple apology will not suffice, and while monetary compensation will not restore lives lost or irreparably altered, it can act as a powerful symbol for a new spirit of cooperation - of understanding and reconciliation between one who was the oppressor, and one who was oppressed."

Trowa rolled his eyes. "Jesus, but you're competitive, Heero."

"I am not," Heero smirked some more.

Trowa gave him a friendly jab with his elbow. "Shut up, asshole, my boyfriend's talking."

"Jesus, but you're protective, Trowa."

Trowa's eyes never left Quatre as he gave a little grin. "I am not."

"The heinous acts committed against the citizens of L2, L3 and L5 require retribution, and not only because of their horrific magnitude, but to ensure the continued unity of this august body. The current atmosphere of peaceful coexistence between Earth and the Colonies is too precious, and came at a price too dear, to be sacrificed over residual resentments which can be swept away with a pen stroke."

Heero fell silent for a long moment, and then quietly asked "What's that like?"

Trowa gave him a confused glance. "What's what like?"

"Being in love with someone like that. What's it like?"

Trowa turned his head to face Heero more completely. "You don't know?"

He shrugged. "How would I?"

"I guess I just figured you and Relena were...well, you know."

Heero blinked a couple of times. "Do people really think that?"

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

Trowa rolled his eyes again. "Jeez, I don't know, Heero - maybe because the second you signed up with the Preventers you got assigned to her personal detail and have been there ever since?"

Heero shrugged again. "It's my job. So what?"

"So you have to understand how that looks to people," Trowa prompted.

"Not really, no."

"This legislation will not be easy to pass. Many of you are already unsure of how your constituents will react if you come out in support of it. But I would ask you to consider what is right, as opposed to what is expedient. The people of the ESUN are not ignorant, nor are they selfish. They remember the horrors of war and hold close to their hearts the desire to not see it again. They understand how much damage was done, and how much harm was caused. In the end, they know what is just, and I believe they will be grateful to have legislators who are courageous enough to stand up for it."

"Heero," Trowa sighed, "First, you helped out her cause during the war, then you came riding to her rescue during the Mariemeia Incident, and now you're her personal bodyguard. Surely you must see how people could assume all that meant something romantic was going on."

Heero pondered that a moment. "I guess," he replied slowly. "But the same holds true for you and Quatre, and there are never any rumors about the two of you flying around the gossip columns."

"Well, that's because we're subtle," Trowa smirked. Heero quirked up a disbelieving eyebrow and the smirk became a melancholy smile. "Seriously, Heero, a romance between two men just doesn't fire the public imagination the same way one between a man and a woman does. People want to see you and Relena end up together. If the public knew the truth about me and Quatre - well, I just think the response would be less favorable."

"That's not right," Heero said firmly, almost sadly, Trowa thought.

Trowa shrugged, refocusing his gaze on Quatre. "Right, wrong, whatever - that's how it is. He's too famous. If the truth about our relationship came out, it would just cause trouble for everyone we care about."

They stood in silence for a moment more before Heero gently returned Trowa's friendly elbow jab.

"It's not right," he murmured.

"I know," Trowa whispered, flicking his bangs back from his face with a toss of the head. "Thanks."

"In closing, I'd like to quote Pearl Buck, who said 'None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free'. Freedom and peace have become a way of life for all citizens of the Earth Sphere Unified Nations, and we must take whatever steps are necessary to ensure that remains the case.

"Representatives of the Earth Sphere Unified Nations, I thank you for your time."

******

There were four vid units in the conference room at Preventers Headquarters, and all of them were showing Quatre's head. Each screen had a different channel, so each shot was different - one from the left, one from the right, one at a slight diagonal and one head-on.

Yup, there it is, Wufei thought, his mind supplying him with the helpful image of Duo doing his best imitation of a stupid tourist. A panoramic view of Quatre's head.

When the speech ended, each channel replaced Quatre's talking head with one of their own, and the vivisection of his words, his body language, what he did and didn't say, and how it related to the deeper meaning of it all officially began.

The room's occupants watched in silence for a few minutes more, cataloguing images and reactions. SNN was interviewing both Representatives Peacecraft and Ouroussoff, the chief opponent of the bill. The BBC had reporters on the streets in Sanq City, New York and Nuevo Los Angeles, getting reactions from passersby. SNBC featured two of its own hosts politely debating the points of the proposed legislation at the tops of their lungs, and S-SPAN dutifully kept recording events on the floor of Parliament, where it appeared the bulk of the representatives were leaving for lunch.

Wufei kept his attention on S-SPAN, rousing only slightly when it was abruptly shut off.

"Thoughts, anyone?" Une asked.

"Well," Sally began, "It doesn't look like there's going to be rioting in the streets or anything - at least not today."

"No," Wufei put in. "The time to be prepared for that will be the day the bill fails."

Une lifted an eyebrow. "You seem to be pretty certain that it will fail."

Wufei shrugged. "Planet-side representatives outnumber colonial representatives by almost 3 to 1. It's only logical to assume that the bill won't be able to generate the necessary votes to pass."

"I agree," grumbled Zechs from his spot in the corner. "The bill faces some heavy opposition on a good day. Factor in the upcoming elections for almost half of the representative seats and you have a lot of politicians with voters at home to answer to."

"Exactly," Wufei said with a slight wave of the hand.

"Okay," Une replied. "Does everyone think the possibility of social unrest following the vote is valid enough to merit a concern?"

"It wouldn't hurt to have a plan in place," said Noin, and Sally nodded her agreement. "Better to be over-prepared than unprepared."

Une took a long breath. "Right," she said finally. "I want the four of you to start working on a contingency plan - potential hot-spots, risk assessment, projected personnel needs - you know the drill. There's no need dispatching a bunch of agents all over space if we don't have a clear picture of what we're dealing with." Her gaze rested on Wufei and took on a decidedly discomfiting twinkle. "Besides, Wufei has to stay in town through the weekend. We can't have him missing the big auction."

Noin snickered and Zechs smirked - an actual, honest-to-God smirk. Sally put a hand over her mouth and looked pointedly at the floor.

Wufei's eyes narrowed in a wholly dangerous fashion. "What auction?" he asked in a tight voice.

Noin's eyes shot to Sally. "You didn't tell him?"

Sally shrugged defensively. "Not yet - I was going to after this..."

Zechs rose from his chair and patted Wufei on the shoulder. "Don't worry - when I made the list a couple of years ago, I thought the auction was the best part." That earned him a light slap on the shoulder and an affronted look from Noin, who got a wink in return.

"What auction?" Wufei repeated, his voice becoming a bit more demanding.

"Enough teasing the poor guy," Une chuckled. "Get back to work, you slackers."

"Ma'am," Zechs saluted sharply, sweeping out of the conference room with Noin on his arm. Sally was hot on their heels and Wufei found himself having to sprint to catch up.

"Damn it, will one of you tell me what auction?!?"

******

Howard switched off the monitor and cocked his head. "What'd ya think, kid?"

Duo shrugged, sitting back a little further on the desk he'd perched on. "It was a good speech. Q's a helluva speaker."

"But?"

Duo stretched his legs and rolled his head around to loosen the stiffness in his neck. "But I'm not sure I agree with him."

"Yeah? Why not?"

"I don't know," Duo sighed. "I mean, it's a nice idea and all, but does giving the survivors a chunk of money really make up for everything they went through? The ESUN could give me a billion creds, and I'd still be an orphan with no idea where I came from, so what good would it do me?"

Howard shrugged. "It couldn't hurt..."

"I guess not. But still, I'd like to see all that money go to something that's a little more certain to do some good. You know, like these civic renovations that Quatre's been spearheading. That's money well spent, if you ask me. Now, if you were to just take that money and split it up among all the residents of the city, who knows where it would end up? Would all of these new buildings be here? Would the streets have gotten repaired? Would the Metrolink be running? Who knows?"

"I guess you've got a point," Howard conceded. "But don't you think the people deserve something?"

"Well, yeah, but I'm not sure this is it. I mean, there's only so much money to go around. Who's going to assign a value to suffering? What's it worth to lose a house, or a parent, or a sibling, or a kid? Do you want to be the one to put a price tag on that?"

"No, I don't..." Howard trailed off.

"I don't mean to be the Devil's advocate here, and I know Quat and Relena have their hearts in the right place - I just think the whole thing could turn ugly real quick, y'know?"

Howard nodded and was about to change the subject when he was interrupted by an abrupt knock at the door.

"Morning, boys!" Hilde called, letting herself in.

"Hey, Sweet Pea," Howard replied, greeting her with a peck on the cheek. "You just missed the speech."

"No, I didn't - the vid shop across the street had it playing in the window. Couldn't you hear the crowd? People started cheering as soon as Quatre finished."

Duo shrugged and Howard shook his head. "Nope. Didn't hear a thing."

"Oh. Well, that's okay - I have better news, anyway. Did you see this?" She dropped a copy of Sphere Magazine on Duo's lap.

Duo groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh, no...not this again."

Hilde grinned unrepentantly. "I'll take that as a yes. But I'd think that the hefty reward is worth a little bit of personal embarrassment for you."

"Uh...what reward?"

"Didn't you read the whole thing?" Duo shook his head and Hilde sighed dramatically. "You didn't read the part about the auction and who's going to be the beneficiary?"

"What auction?"

"The bachelor auction, you dork! They hold one every year!"

Duo started at her blankly for a minute. "Bachelor auction...like where they auction off dates with guys?"

She nodded, eyebrows raised in a "duh" expression.

"Dates with the guys on the list?" Duo asked slowly.

"Yup!" Hilde chirped.

"Oh, no!" Duo declared, jumping off the desk to prowl the length of the room. "I didn't even know I was gonna be on their stupid list, and now I'm supposed to get dragged to some stupid bachelor auction where they're gonna parade me around in some fancy-schmancy tux in front of a bunch of over-stimulated, undersexed rich women like a piece of rump roast? Uh-uh, no way in hell am I..." Hilde cut him off with an icy glare. "What?"

She held the magazine under his nose. "Maybe you should take a look at who the beneficiary is before you rant about the injustice of it all."

He snatched it with a snort. "I don't give a flaming shit who the bene - " He paused, read the page a couple more times, and looked up into her eyes with a mix of surprise and sheepishness.

"The Colonial War Orphans Fund?" he whispered.

"Mmm-hm."

"Our foundation."

"That's the one."

"The foundation Quatre gave us the seed money for."

"The very same."

There was a long pause. "So there's no way in hell I'm getting out of this, then."

"Not a chance."

Duo sighed, rubbing his temples with two fingers. He lifted his eyes and pasted on a small, resigned grin. "When is this thing and where do I have to be?"

"Friday night at the Waldorf-Astoria in New York."

His eyes widened in alarm. "This Friday? As in, three days from now?"

"That's what they said when they called me this morning."

"Now how the hell is a guy supposed to - wait, why did they call you?"

Hilde made an exasperated little noise. "Because as a representative of the foundation, they invited me to attend. I get to be the one they hand the big check to at the end of the night! How cool is that?"

"Hey, that is kind of cool. But what the hell am I supposed to wear for this? I don't even have a real suit! What are you wearing?"

"Something red and tastefully trashy. As for you..." Her eyes took on a disturbing sort of predatory gleam. "I have your wardrobe all figured out. We just have to go buy it."

He swallowed the perfectly reasonable punch of fear that was rising in his gut. "So," he began, "I guess this means you're taking me shopping for a fancy-schmancy tux."

"Indeed I am, and you have no idea how much I'm looking forward to it."

Duo gulped and Howard laughed. "Well, you'd better get on it, Sweet Pea - you don't have a lot of time to turn this mutt into something resembling respectable company."

"So it's okay if I kidnap him for the day?"

"Hell, yes, it's okay! Any extra work I have to pick up while he's slacking off with you will be worth it just to see him trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey!"

"Thanks, Howard!" Hilde beamed, snatching Duo's hand and bodily dragging him out of the office.

"Yeah, thanks a lot, Howard," Duo growled under his breath as he got pulled out the door.

Howard couldn't have kept the manic grin off his face for all the money in the known universe as he waved good-bye. "Anything for you, kid!"

******

"How did I do?"

"You were great." Trowa was beaming.

"You think so? I thought I sounded a little over-rehearsed."

"No, you were fine."

Adele appeared out of nowhere and took Quatre's elbow. "Mr. Winner, you were brilliant. Now all we have to do is get you through the press conference, and you're done for the day."

"Well, that's a relief," Quatre sighed. "What do you think they'll ask?"

She gestured down the hallway and the three of them began to walk. "You're likely to get a couple of questions about L1 and L4 not being specifically mentioned in the legislation, and at least one about where Representative Winner stands on the issue."

Quatre nodded. "That's a bit of a wild card, isn't it?"

"I wouldn't know, sir, she's your sister."

"How very diplomatic of you, Adele," Quatre smiled. "How about the other thing?"

"You mean the list?" Quatre nodded and Adele paused. "You may get a couple about that as well."

"Wonderful." He rolled his eyes and Trowa bit back a small grin. "I have no idea what to say about that."

"Say you're surprised and flattered and you had no idea you were even being considered."

Quatre stopped and blinked at her. "Well, I guess that's not really stretching the truth, is it?"

"No, sir."

He and Trowa glanced at each other and nodded their confirmation. "All right, then, that's what I'll say."

"Say it back to me, please, sir."

Quatre's eyes flitted from Adele to Trowa and back again. "I'm not a child, Adele."

"No, sir, you most certainly aren't."

"I'm not going to screw it up."

"Of course not, sir."

"I don't need to say it back to you."

"Humor me, sir." Quatre glowered and the corner of Adele's mouth twitched. "If you don't mind."

Quatre sighed profoundly, and Trowa tried to camouflage that grin again, but with less success. "I'm surprised and flattered, and I had no idea that I was even being considered."

Adele's smirk almost matched Trowa's. "Thank you, sir. There's something else you should know about that list - there's a charity auction that goes along with it..."

"Oh? Well, that's no problem - surely we can dig up a few treasures to donate to the cause," Quatre replied a bit too dismissively.

"Well, sir, it's not quite that - "

They were interrupted by a shout from the other end of the hall. "Quatre!"

Quatre and Trowa turned and a smile spread across Quatre's lips. "Jaden! Hello - how are you?"

If the figure that was rather quickly approaching them hadn't been female and didn't have about fifteen years on him, it could very well have been Quatre's mirror image. Even her haircut was similar. Her heels thudded on the carpeting as she came to them and she leaned into Quatre's welcoming embrace. She placed one hand on his arm and another on his opposite shoulder, using them as leverage to push herself up to kiss him on the cheek. Quatre felt a foolish twang of pride that she had to stand on her toes to do so. "I'm fine, darling, how are you? You were brilliant in there, you know."

"That's what I said," Adele murmured.

"Thank you," Quatre replied. "It was a little nerve-racking, but kind of exciting, too."

"Ah, the seductive power of legislation. Its siren call has felled better men than you, little brother," his sister smirked, disentangling herself from his embrace to give Trowa a similar greeting. Trowa bent slightly to let her kiss his cheek, but still felt his face flush a little at the contact. Several of Quatre's sisters made a habit of greeting people with kisses, and Trowa was working on getting used to it.

"Yes, it is a bit of a thrill," Quatre agreed.

"Off to your press conference, are you?" Jaden asked.

"I'm afraid so," Quatre nodded.

"Well, when they ask, you can tell them that the senior representative from L4 has given you her support, but you know there will be questions about why the Winner family's home colony wasn't mentioned in the bill."

"Thank you, Jaden, and yes - I know you're opening yourself up to problems by throwing your support my way. But we both know that the residents of L4 have been well taken care of."

"Of course they have," she nodded. "But it would quell a lot of potential opposition if Winner Enterprises were seen as being newly committed to the continued economic stability of the colony."

A slow smile drifted across Quatre's face. "We'll draw up a statement first thing tomorrow. Will plans for another renovation project on L2 provide enough jobs to satisfy your constituents? I'm thinking of basing the next civic renewal project on New Orleans."

"So that would require designers, architects, pre-fabricated units, materials production and teams of specially-trained construction workers?"

"Yes, without a doubt."

Jaden smiled Quatre's smile and took him by the arm. "Shall I walk you to your press conference, little brother?"

"That would be nice, thank you."

They drifted off down the hall, leaving Trowa and Adele to give each other confused stares.

"Are they always like that?" Adele asked, the look in her eyes indicating she wasn't sure she really wanted to know.

Trowa nodded solemnly and leaned in to give her a conspiratorial whisper. "You should see them at Christmas."

******

*to be continued*