You may notice something is different about this review in comparison to the rest. Can't quite put your finger on it? The background is brown instead of black. Why you ask? To subliminally remind you of how shitty this movie truly was. To be honest, I watched this one in the FAMOUS West Edmonton Mall. That's all well and good, but I've realized it was the only movie I haven't seen that remotly interested me, except for Jeepers Creepers 2, which was a 2 hour wait before start time and to be honest, I don't think a certain someone really wanted to see it...so here we are...Time to review.
I'll be honest, I'd rather not waste my time typing this and your time having to read it, but for the hell of it, let's do it anyway. I've never scratched my head in a movie theatre so much in my life, and for the record, that lice scare is cleared up. This movie had a plot thinner than Kate Moss. The stunts were cheesier than Cheetos, and for the simile trifecta, um...The action was as exciting as my love life. Long story short, this is one of the worst movies of the year, and that's a long list. There were nonsensical cameos, which are fine as long as the people are talented, but Pink? Jeremy McGrath? Just awful. Then there was Crispin Glover, who apparently mixed scripts. I swear his character from Willard made a cameo...with a hair fetish by the by...and it was never explained. I could go on, but angelfire has a 20 megabyte limit. The only saving grace can be summed up in 4 words. Slow Motion Bikini Running...which "peaked my interest" if you know what I'm saying. Anyway, enough of my ranting, 1 out of 10 based solely on Demi Moore's bikini running. As a substitute to seeing this film, I recommend a good old fashioned self-circumcision, and for you ladies can I recommend a homemade historectomy or something like that. It's THAT bad