Media Inspired Love Infatuations

      Psychiatrists have occasionally suggested that it is "safe" for a
socially incompetent person to fall in love with a television or movie
star because there is virtually no chance of his ever being rejected by
her. The probability of a movie star ever entering upon the accessible
social networks of a love-shy person is virtually nil. In fact, even a highly
self-confident young man might accurately be seen as highly unlikely
to ever meet up with a film actress to the point at which he might be
able to actually converse with her.
      Only a comparatively small minority of the love-shys' major infa-
tuations had involved television or motion picture actresses. Neverthe-
less, almost all of the love-shy men I studied for this book had experienced
at least two romantic infatuations with media starlets before they got to
be of college age. In other words, most of the romantic infatuations that
the love-shys had suffered had involved accessible women. But a sizable
minority of their deepest infatuations had involved media starlets.
      Several of the strongest and most intense infatuations mentioned
by those interviewed had involved preadolescent girls. For example, one
man told me that as a 14-year old eighth grader he had fallen in love
with Brigette Fossey, the 7-year old starlet of the French movie FOR-
BIDDEN GAMES. In fact, he had been so "turned on" by her and by
the content of the movie itself that he sat through it 44 times!
     One of the most interesting comments made by any respondent
concerned the family drama I REMEMBER MAMA, which ran on CBS
Television every Friday night from 1949 until 1955.

     "Well, I guess there was only one television actress that I ever really
     fell in love with; and that was Robin Morgan. She played Dagmar
     on a program called I REMEMBER MAMA, which I used to watch
     all the time when I was a kid. Actually, I never really watched that
     much television compared to the amount that the other kids seemed
     to watch. But this was a program that I wouldn't miss for anything.
     And I remember it was on at a time which sometimes got me into
     trouble. Like, I was in junior high school for a lot of the time that
     it was on the air. And the school periodically threw parties. And
     the parties were always held on Friday nights. I can remember there
     were several times when I wanted to attend some social function at
     my school. But it was held on a Friday night. And I just couldn't
     go because if I did I would have missed Robin.

     I remember some of the teachers used to accuse me of being anti-
     social. Actually this happened quite a bit because I remember I didn't
     have the nerve to tell them the real reason why I couldn't come. I
     remember they'd angrily come up to me and insist that I tell them
     what was so important that I couldn't come to the party. And I'd
     say something like 'I don't know'. My parents often got pissed off
     at me too. But I never had the nerve to tell them anything. They
     never would have understood.

     Like if they only had held the parties on Saturday nights or even
     on Sunday nights I know I would have gone to them. But I know I
     would have suffered immeasurably if I ever missed one of the I
     REMEMBER MAMA programs. Like even if they had had video tape
     machines then. as they do today I could have had the program copied
     while I attended the parties. I even suggested to some of the teachers
     that if they started the functions at 8:45 instead of at 7:30 I'd be able
     to come. See, I REMEMBER MAMA was on only from 8 to 8:30; and
     I could have gone anywhere after that." (44-year old love-shy man.)

     The foregoing well illustrates another way in which romantic infa-
tuations can have a deleterious impact upon propitious socioemotional
growth--particularly when such infatuations concern inaccessible media
figures. Of course, during their pre-teen and teenaged years love-shy
children manifest many rather grandiose hints that their lives are headed
for serious trouble. Yet in spite of the middle-class home backgrounds
from which they come, their parents somehow ignore the often not-too-
subtle clues and messages which are repeatedly displayed. In some cases
this may be due to the parents themselves being shy and unsure of
themselves.
      And as is obvious in the above case, the school is seldom of much
help either. This particular school was at least sophisticated enough to
run social functions for its students. But staff had simply not been avail-
able to the boy (now a 44-year old man) that was sensitive enough to
pick up on what was actually going on in his life. Without an awareness
of what was happening in his life there was no viable way of (1) helping
him towards a viable solution to his love-shyness problems by getting
him introduced to some accessible girls, and (2) of assuring his attendance
at the Friday night social functions.