One day in the home of the Koopa family, the Koopalings were lazily waking. Iggy ruffled his spiked hair as he walked downstairs into the Koopa Lounge and sat down as a few explosions were heard outside.
"Aw man, is that war still going on outside?" Iggy said sleepily as he rubbed his blurred eyes behind the lenses.
"Yeah, fraid so," Roy said as he continued to munch his Nintendo Power cereal that was sold back in 1970.
Suddenly, an atomic bomb was dropped on the castle and a U-boat that was lurking in the bathtub surfaced. Clawdia decided to take a bath and she did, ignoring the German U-boat the whole time.
"Lookie! It's the Lusitania!" the German captain cried.
Meanwhile...
Lemmy ate a couple of moldy fruitcakes and belched. Roy made a face and gagged. "Must you do that every morning?"
Lemmy hiccuped. "Yep."
Lemmy suddenly fainted.
Larry looked up at Clawdia and asked, "Mom, can I go play in the meteor shower outsude?"
"Yes, dear," Clawdia answered, "after you clean your room. There's nuclear sludge all over the floor again."
"Aww, Mom," Larry whined, "I just cleaned out the sludge last week."
Iggy sighed boredly as Bowser fell through the ceiling and demolished the table. Bowser sighed tiredly. "Has Ludwig been buining holes in the floor again?" he asked Clawdia.
"Yes dear."
"Thought so. I think I've broken both legs."
"That's nice dear."
"Why doesn't anything INTERESTING ever happen?" Iggy wondered as a flaming piece of shratnel flew past his ear.
Larry rushed back in saying, "Mom, I cleaned up most of the sludge. Can I go out and play?"
Clawdia answered, "If you cleaned up MOST of the sludge, then MOST of you can go out and play. The rest of your lazy self must stay here."
Larry divided into three parts.
"Okay Mom," said two of the three parts.
"Aw, man!" whined the other.
Just then a horde of unchained Chain Chomps went rampaging through, ate Larry, and crashed through the remaining windows.
"More coffee, dear?" Clawdia asked Bowser.
"Who let the Chomps out?" Bowser sighed.
Everybody cringed at the pop-culture reference.
"Er..." Bowser stammered, "Yes, dear. More coffee would be nice." Bowser sipped his coffee after Clawdia gave it to him. "Tastes a little weak."
"I know," Clawdia apologized, "only three of the kids put hemlock in it this morning.
"Oh," said Bowser. "Where's Larry?"
"He's been eaten again, dear," Clawdia answered.
Ludwig suddenly appeared out of a blast of fire. "Eureka!" he screamed.
"What?" was the uninspired reply.
"I have discovered how to teleport!" He suddenly disappeared again, but this time, he reappeared as a charred corpse.
"Knew... I... shouldn't... have..." He fainted.
Suddenly Al Capone came in and killed all of the Chain Chomps.
"Nothing's happening, I guess I'll go play outside<" Lemmy decided.
As he said that, the Lusitania surfaced in the sink.
"I think I'll go admire myself!" declared Wendy.
As she said this, the Lusitania was shot by a U-boat, causing it to go careening into an iceberg, striking it with so much force that the ship and the iceberg were hurled into the upper atmosphere, where they collided with a giant asteroid. The ship, the iceberg, and the asteroid all shattered and fell as debris back onto Bowser's Keep, causing mass destruction. Iggy stared into his glass of orange juice half-heartedly, until it stared back at him.
"The Piranha Plants are growing in the orange juice again," he said as he tossed it over his shoulder onto Roy, who got into a huge furniture-wrecking fight with the Piranha Plant.
A horde of unholy neocromancers shattered broke the window carrying sphears and battle axes and screaming a chant of pure unbridled demonic power. They charged into the Lounge where, as Clawdia placed down a tray of scones and tea on the table, she turned around and rubbed her eye. "Sorry, Morton
can't play today. He's sick, and he's also ill."
At that the necromancers drooped their heads downward and slowly walked back to the broken window, dragging their spears unhappily, and went back to the war between the forces of good and evil outside.
Then a few more demoniacs and heritics ran in. "Hey Roy! The stupid Clerics challenged us to a chess tournament!"
"Cool, lemme get my coat and we can play for the fate of the world!" Roy said as he knocked his cereal box over in getting up. This caused a plague of Anthrax bacteria to be released from inside it.
"Why can't anything exciting ever happen for once?" Iggy complained.
"Suddenly a jet crashed into the side of the Keep."
"Your move," Roy reminded Iggy.
Iggy moved a chesspeice across the board and sighed.
Then a group of terrorists poured out from the crashed jet.
"Clawdia, it's the credit card company again," Bowser sighed.
The terrorists poured into the castle in a chaotic riot, charging throughout the Keep at random while holding their hands above their heads and screaming, "Death to all apose us!"
Bowser sighed. "Hand me the rocket launcher, please."
"Certainly dear," Clawdia responded.
Clawdia handed Bowser a tiny cannon roughly the size of a squirtgun. Bowser fired it, launching a huge ball of fire at the terrorists and incinerating them all. Bowser sighed and looked at Clawdia, saying, "These terrorist raids are getting a little old." He paused for a moment and added, "So, when's lunch anyway?"
"Becuase of a zodiac relapse it will be a few hours late. All the take out places are closed for some sort of planetary figuration that only happens once every 600 years," Clawdia said as she sighed in frustration. "I'll have to make our dinner."
Bowser immedietly stood up in complete shock and screamed, "My god!"
Clawdia's fists were clenched in rage as she turned and glared at Bowser. "Are you insulting my cooking?" she asked dangerously.
Bowser shook his hands and backed away with his eyes half closed. "No, no, I didn't say 'my god', I said 'my dog'! I gotta head the dog."
"We don't have a dog." Clawdia responded.
"What about Bagels?" Bowser asked.
"Playful devoured her, remember?"
"Oh yeah..." Bowser was about to reply when there was a deafening roar from over his head and the top half of the Keep disappeared. "Clawdia," he sighed, "we have termites again."
"No," Clawdia responded, sounding bored, "it's just Ludwig playing with his atomic bombs again."
"No, it's Superman!" Morton exclaimed.
Everyone stareed at him.
"... Well it could be."
"Definitely termites," Bowser responded as what was left of the table got pulled into the next room by a huge claw.
Morton screamed as he dove for the cereal still on the table. He was able to grab it as he landed on the table but was pulled into the next room with the table. Bowser sighed and checked Morton's name off a list he held in his hands.
"Well, how's the tally dear?" Clawdia asked.
"Bad I'm afraid. There's still five of them left."
At that moment Lemmy walked into the room and announced, "Wendy's dead again." Bowser was silent as he scratched another off the list.
"How did she die, dear?"
"Make-up overdose."
"That's the sixth time this week."
Lemmy shrugged and said softly as he walked away, "I keep telling my siblings to avoid eating make-up, but do they listen?"
Lemmy sat back down on the tiled floor and began sipping at a small cup of tea far too small for him.
Iggy looked at Lemmy. "Pretty boring today, huh?"
"Yeah," Lemmy responded, slapping away the tentacle that was slowly wrapping itself around his neck.
Then there was an earthquake.
"Is that an earthquake, or Roy and Luwdig wrestling?" Lemmy asked.
"Don't know, don't care," Iggy yawned. "This is so boring."
Lemmy got up. "Well, I think I'll go kill myself."
"You do that," Iggy sighed.
Bowser watched Iggy pass by him and hurl himself out the window, and calmly marked another off on his tally.
"At least they're staying out of the way," Clawdia mused.
"Oh great!" Lemmy sighed. "Now Iggy and I are sharing thoughts!"
"Well not anymore." Bowser replied.
"Oh well," lemmy sighed, "I guess I can't kill myself. Down beast!" He slapped away the notorious tentacle wrapping itself around his throat. At that moment a hurricane struck.
"Oh," Bowser sighed, "It's about that time of day, isn't it?"
"I'm afraid so," Clawdia replied as any furniture that had not already been destroyed was pulled into the hurricane.
Bowser sighed. "Well," he yawned, getting up and stretching, "this day has been disgustingly ordinary, and I'm going to bed."
"G'night dear," Clawdia yawned. She sighed and looked around. "I do wish something interesting would happen around here."
"Me too," sighed the creature in the shadows, once again extending its tentacle only to have it knocked half-heartedly away by Clawdia, "it's so dull."
And so Bowser, Clawdia, and the surviving Koopalings walked tiredly up the stairs, dodging bullets, and flopped into their beds.
"Goodnight Bowser."
"Goodnight Clawdia."
"Goodnight Lemmy."
"Goodnight King Dad. Goodnight Queen Mom. Goodnight Morton."
"Goodnight Lemmy, Mom, Dad, wedding cake, stars, moon, universe, and-"
"SHUT UP, FREAK!"
"... goodnight Roy!"
"Goodnight mysterious creature lurking in the shadows."
"Just wait 'till you're asleep..."
Bowser yawned and closed his eyes, ignoring the screams of people being chased by a man with a chainsaw outside, and hoped that tomorrow would be less boring.
The parties responsible for this mess are Jazzman, Smash, Mewd, Makina, and myself. Thanks/blame also to go to Lemmy Koopa for editing, compiling, and otherwise making this infernal thing readable.
Had enough normality?
Visit the CFG to cure you of normality
Return to my Realm for a permanent cure.
