Wendy walks into a courtroom and goes to stand by a podium that says "plaintiff".
Morton: This is the plaintiff, Wendy O. Koopa. She claims the defendant has harassed her. She's suing for $3,000,000,000, for pain and suffering. Did I ever mention I love being the announcer? I get to- OW! Sorry, King Dad. I'll stop.
Lemmy walks into the courtroom and goes to stand by the podium that says "defendant".
Morton: This is the defendant, Lemmy Koopa. He claims that he has never liked Wendy O. Koopa, and he definitely would not have harassed her. He thinks she's just doing this to get money from him. And... you know, I really like this job, being able to talk so- OW! Ok, ok, King Dad, I'll stop that. Anyway, both sides have agreed to have the case settled in Mr. Little's forum- The Koopas' Court!
Smash: All rise for the not-so-honorable Judge Little.
Mr. Little comes into the room.
Mr. Little: Everyone, shaddup!
Morton: Oh yes, I like bring the announcer because I get to talk and-
Mr. Little: Baliff!
Smash comes out of his trance of boredom and duct tapes over Morton's mouth.
Mr. Little: That's better. Now Wendy, do you solomnly swear to tell me where Susan lives if I grant judgement in your favor?
Wendy: Yes, your honor. (to herself) The things I say just for a little money...
Mr. Little: Then I award you-
Lemmy: Wait! If you side with me, I'll tell you where Susan lives too!
Mr. Little: Hmmm... then I guess I'll have to judge by the facts then.
Smash: (gasps) But you're not qualified for that! That's... legal!
Mr. Little: (aside to Smash) Quiet, you imbecile, we're live! (aloud) Will the plantiff please present her opening argument?
Wendy: He ate my pancakes, claiming that it was too fattening for my feminine gender! I demand all his allowance!
Smash: That's it?
Mr. Little: Quiet, you.
Lemmy: I object, your honor! Ludwig can prove that she would have gained an extra five ounces after eating the pancakes. I was... uh, merely concerned about her weight, so she'd be healthy. Yeah, uh, yeah.
Mr. Little: (to himself) I loved being called "honor" (to Lemmy) And where is this "Ludwig" you speak of? Why isn't he here?
Ludwig: I AM here!
Mr. Little: Doesn't look like Ludwig to me... Smash, you think that looks like Ludwig?
Smash: No, looks like Larry to me.
Rainbow: Um... I dunno.
Ludwig then plays Ode To Annooy #5648 and everybody holds their ears and cries like babies. By the time he's finished, they're all mentally destroyed.
Ludwig: Hmph!
Mr. Little: Anyway, Rainbow, who's side are you on?
Rainbow: I dunno. Just as long as I'm with him.
Rainbow gets real close to Matthew and Matthew puts his arm around Rainbow.
Mr. Little: Let's move this along people! I have a golf game at four!
Smash: Right. Will the defendant call his first witless- er, witness.
Lemmy: Don't we get lawyers?
Smash: No, you don't deserve lawyers.
Lemmy: Right. For my first witness, I call... myself!
Lemmy goes to sit in the witness chair, which is actually the electric chair.
Smash: You know, his honor and I got that cheap from the prison.
Smash goes to stand in front of Lemmy and pulls out a stack of religious books.
Smash: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help ye God, Paladine, and various other minor dieties?
Lemmy: Sure, why not?
Morton: I OBJECT!
Mr. Little: You can't object!
Morton: I know, but I always wanted to say that! And there's a bunch of other stuff that I've always wanted to say, like "I can't believe it's not butter!", "who let the dogs out?", "I'm going to Disney Land!", "is that your final ans-"
Bowser: I'm warning you, Morton...
Mr. Little: If I may get on with it, Lemmy, where were you on the night of March 21, 1997?
Lemmy: I don't remember.
Mr. Little: How convenient of you not to remember. But I've got some incriminating evidence on you. I have a picture here that shows you touching a female Koopa's tail!
Lemmy: That's my mom! I was only five days old there!
Smash: Eww... you're own mother! How sick!
Lemmy: I WAS ONLY FIVE DAYS OLD!!!
Wendy: See? He's clearly criminally insane.
Bowser: (proudly) Well of course he is! He's my son!
Morton: I OBJECT!
Bowser whacks Morton on the back of the head.
Mr. Little: That's not all though, Lemmy. I have on record that there's a rumor that you've kissed your sister, and that made her die.
Lemmy: I never kissed Wendy!
Mr. Little: Oh yeah? Then how did she die? Huh? HUH?!
Lemmy: She's not dead! She's suing me right now in this courtroom!
Mr. Little: Only because Smash was able to bring her back to life.
Smash: When was that?
Mr. Little: You know... it was that day called tomorrow day where there was a five dollar bill in it for you?
Smash: Oh yeah, that day! I remember it perfectly. I can't believe you did that, Lemmy.
Lemmy: Since when are rumors used in a court of law anyway?
Mr. Little: Ah, split personalities. Further proof of mental illness.
Lemmies: HEY! WAIT!
Mr. Little: Where were you on February 45th, 2775 at 9:30 P.M?
Lemmy: I'm always at home watching Star Trek reruns at 9:30, so that's probably where I was.
Mr. Little: Ha! There is no February 45th, and it's only 2001, which proves you're lying! Judgement for Lemmy!
Lemmy: Hey, wait! I... huh?
Wendy: Now wait just a-
Wendy gets hit with a stick.
Mr. Little: Nah, I changed my mind. Let's keep this pointlessness going a little while. Will the prosecution call its first witness?
Lemmy: But I'm not finished!
Mr. Little: You are now! Sit down, both of you!
Lemmys sits down.
Smash: Okay Wendy, come on.
Wendy is lying on the floor twitching.
Mr. Little: Now look what you've done, Lemmy! Because of you, Wendy is lying on the floor twitching.
Lemmy: How is that my fault?
Mr. Little: Because you didn't just pay her off to avoid legal battles, maybe?
Smash: Can I club him now?
Mr. Little: No, not yet. First I want to hear more before I make my unfair decision. Okay Lemmy, I think I'll let you call someone. Make it quick though, I don't wanna miss Judge Judy!
Lemmy: ... Right. I would like to call... Rainbow!
Rainbow: Huh? Me?
Matthew: Rainbow, I love you so much.
Rainbow: I love you too honey.
Matthew: You're the best.
Rainbow: And so are you.
Rainbow and Matthew kiss.
Mr. Little: JUST @#$%^#$ GET UP THERE RAINBOW!!!
Lemmy: Um... I want to call Wendy to the stand!
Mr. Little: But she's dead.
Smash: I can bring her back... for a price.
Judge Little hands Smash five bucks. Smash spits at Wendy and her body explodes.
Everyone in the courtroom: HOLY-
Smash: Shut up! Watch.
The smoke from Wendy's body becomes a ghost. It goes up into the stand.
Smash: Do you swear to lie complete lies and say nothing but lies?
Ghost of Wendy: Nope!
Little: Well, what is the hypotenuse of a triangle with two legs that are 7 inches and 24 inches in length?
Ghost of Wendy: Uh...
Little: Don't know, or won't say?
Ghost of Wendy: I CONFESS! I STOLE LARRY'S ORCHID!
Smash: Ah ha! Denial is a sign of guilt.
Ghost of Wendy: But I'm not denying anything!
Mr. Little: Now she's trying to deny her denial, she MUST be guilty. Take her and put her in-
Smash: No! Not that, not the-
Mr. Little: Yes. Put her in The Box.<
Smash: Not, The Box!
Mr. Little: Yes. The Box.
Smash picks up Wendy's ghost and puts her in a cardboard box.
Smash: Now what?
Mr. Little: Put it in The Closet.
Rainbow wakes up.
Rainbow: The hypotenuse of a triangle with legs of 7 and 24 is 25! Geez! That's common sense!
Matthew kisses Rainbow again.
Mr. Little: RAINBOW! That does it, 30 minutes of Teletubbies for you.
Rainbow: Please! NO! Anything but that!
Mr. Little: Ok... one hour of Blue's Clues, or maybe Barney.
Rainbow: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Rainbow then cries like a baby.
Rainbow: Fine! I confess! (sobs) I put gunk in Ludwig's organ so he'd stop playing!
Everyone cheers.
All: WE LOVE YOU, RAINBOW!
Rainbow stops crying.
Rainbow: Huh? Um, thanks.
Mr. Little: Still, I must put you in The Box, which is to be put in The Closet.
Rainbow: But I'll be cramped in there with Wendy!
Mr. Little: Then I'll put you in with Math-
Rainbow zooms into The Box, pulling Matthew with her and closing the lid.
Smash: That was easy.
Mr. Little: Unfortunately, that was our only The Box. Now what to do with Wendy?
Wendy: How about just giving me this case?
Rainbow and Matthew get out of The Box and try the food on the table.
Rainbow: Um, what is this?
Mr. Little: It's saurkraut and chocolate pudding with horseradish sauce.
Rainbow: Ugh! I think I'm gonna be sick!
All of a sudden Rainbow barfs.
Matthew: I sense a running gag in the making.
Rainbow: I love you Matthew.
Matthew: I love you too, honey.
Suddenly Makina stumbles into the courtroom all beaten up and dazed.
Makina: Hi Rainbow.
Rainbow: Hi Makina.
Makina: RAINBOW DID IT!
Rainbow: HA HA! She got Teletubbies cancled!
All: HURRAY FOR RAINBOW!
Makina leaves enraged.
All: We love you Rainbow.
Rainbow: Awww... I love you guys too.
Matthew: Rainbow, you shouldn't have eaten that stuff.
Rainbow: I know.
Then Rainbow barfs again. Matthew hugs and kisses Rainbow.
Mr. Little: Enough of this! I'm going to pronounce judgment!
There is a tense hush as Mr. Little carefully thinks.
Little: Judgement for... The Box.
Smash: Parties are excused. You may pay your viewing fee to the badgers on the way out.
The next day...
Smash: All rise for the sorta-honorable Judge Little.
Mr. Little climbs into the stand and begins to watch TV.
Morton: Today is a great case because I'm in it and I know everything to know about it because I studied and-
Everyone: Get on with it!
Morton: Okay, okay, geez.
Mr. Little: First, I would like to say that Rainbow and Matthew have been forever banned from this courtroom. They will never be allowed back in here again, thank goodness.
Everyone: YAY!
Mr. Little: Let's see what we have today... Morton is being accused by Larry of stealing his girlfriend, Susan B. Koopa, and wants 5 million for pain and suffering.
Morton: Yay, I can't- wait! I'm being accused? No fair! I was told that I was going to be the one to get to accuse someone of something, but I don't like this, because I might have to lose 5 million dollars!
Mr. Little: Which means that Morton will NOT be announcing this one!
There is over an hour of ear-shattering applause.
Morton: Aww...
Mr. Little: TAKE YOUR SEAT, INSOLENT WRETCH!
Morton is dragged over to a chair and strapped in.
Bowser: I will be taking Morton's place.
Smash: Which means we are all assured of being insulted at least twelve times every nanosecond.
Bowser: @$#@# right, you freak!
Mr. Little: Now Larry, would you tell the court exactly what happened?
Larry: Well, you see, me and Susan were just sitting in my bed smooching, when from out of nowhere, Morton held me up at gunpoint.
Morton: Objection! I don't even have a gun, but I have a laser, and my wand, and-
Mr. Little: OVERRULED! Continue Larry.
Larry: Well, Morton stormed on in and forced Susan to smooch him instead.
Mr. Little: How did he force her to smooch him?
Larry: He just did! How am I supposed to know what weird powers he used to force her to do something so despicable?
Mr. Little: Good point.
Zoom out to see everyone else in the courtroom being sick all over the floor.
Mr. Little: Morton, get up here.
Morton: Yes, your honor, lord of all he surveys, boss man...
Smash: Want me to shut him up?
Mr. Little: No, not yet. I'm enjoying this.
Morton: ...my master, king of the immediate room-
Mr. Little: Now then, back to the matter
at hand. Morton, answer with a simple yes or no. Have you stopped stealing
other people's girlfriends?
Morton: Well I... HEY, WAIT!
Mr. Little: So you still complain about
girls' weights? You are despicable, Morton.
Morton: I didn't mean that kind of weight,
I meant wait, as in "wait up",or-
Mr. Little: "Weight up", you said? So
you want girls to get heavier?
Morton: I don't want girls to be fat!
Mr. Little: So you're prejudiced against
girls who happen to have a little extra weight?
Morton: Fine! I confess! I DO have feelings
for Rainbow Koopa!
All Males: Don't we all.
Morton: It's a shame you banned the most
beautiful girl I've ever seen from your courtroom.
Mr. Little: AW, SHUT YOUR @#$%@#$ MOUTH!
Smash jumps on Morton and pulls out
a microchip from the back of his neck. Matthew was controlling Morton's
mind with it.
Morton: Gee thanks!
Smash: Don't thank me! I wasn't doing
it for your sake. You can all stop being sick now, you know.
The audience continues as it was.
Smash: (sighs) Morton, sit down. Larry,
haul yer tail up here.
Morton: But I-
Little: YOU WILL SIT, SLIMEBALL!
A secret trap door opens under Morton,
and after he falls through it he amazingly falls through the ceiling into
his seat.
Bowser: How'd ya do that?
Mr. Little and Smash: We have no clue.
Bowser: Well thank you Holmes and Watson.
LARRY! QUIT SITTING THERE LIKE A TURNIP! GET UP THERE!
Larry is blown into the witness stand
by the sound of Bowser's voice.
Smash: Do you swear to tell the truth
because if you don't we'll dump you into the garbage disposal?
Larry: Yeah, I guess so.
Mr. Little: Where were you on the night
of June 23, 1203?
Smash: A LIKELY STORY!
Larry: I haven't said anything yet.
Morton: I object!
Bowser gags Morton.
Smash: Gonna make questioning him a
little hard, won't it?
Mr. Little: All the more excuse for
idiocy. Carry on.
Bowser: At least there aren't any badgers
in this mess.
Mr. Little: (cringes) You haaaaaaad
to mention them, didn't you?
A rabid badger falls through the ceiling,
kicks Morton off the stand, and takes the stand. There is a brief scuffle
while everyone tries to get as much order as there ever is in the court
back. Finally, the badger has been run off and Morton is back on the stand.
Mr. Little: Okay Morton, get up here
again.
Larry: But I never got to-
Smash: SILENCE!
Smash knocks Larry back to his seat
with a stick. Morton walks up to the stand.
Mr. Little: Is your name Morton Koopa
Jr.?
Morton: Yes.
Mr. Little: Sit down, I've heard enough
in this case. I'm ready to rule. Judgement will be entered in favor of
both the plaintiff and the defendant in the amount of all of Susan B.'s
money. They can split it up however they want, which will probably be a
fight to the death.
Susan: WHAT?! Why do they get all my
money?!
Mr. Little: I said I'd get revenge on
you a while back, and I meant it! They get your money, and you get the
death penalty!
Susan: That's not fair!
Lemmy and Ludwig don execution masks
and carry Susan off to a room with a skull and crossbones on it.
Susan: I'll sue!
Mr. Little: You do that. Now anyway,
divide up her money between the two parties.
Smash: Right.
Smash takes out a list.
Smash: The following items are listed
as formerly having been in the possession of the late Susan B. Koopa:
Smash puts the list away.
Smash: Ok, that's it.
Larry and Morton: What? Nothing?
Smash: Well, after the court took its
fee, yeah.
Cut to back room where all of the late
Susan B.'s posessions are stored.
Larry and Morton: We're gonna sue!
Mr. Little: You do that. You can take
the case to Judge Smash's court down the road.
Larry: (Gulp)
Smash: Yes, feel free. I'm running out
of slaves for my salt mines.
Larry and Morton hurriedly leave.
The next day...
Smash: All rise for the despicable Judge
Little!
Everyone: NO!
Smash pushes a button and the seats
become electrified. Everyone rises.
Mr. Little: SIT DOWN!
Everyone sits and jumps back up.
Mr. Little: I said sit down!
The same thing happens.
Mr. Smash: Um, I haven't turned off
the electricity yet.
Mr. Little: I know! SIT DOWN!
Everyone sits down and half the audience
is vaporized by the electricity.
Mr. Little: Now then... Today, we have
Roy suing Iggy for a 1 billion because Roy just wants to sue someone for
money, and he hates Iggy the most.
Roy: Yeah! I want that little twerp's
money!
Iggy: he's suing for what?! He's already
taken all my money!
Roy: Shut up, twerp!
Roy leaps onto Iggy and they begin a
huge brawl.
Smash: HALT!
Smash leaps into the Roy/Iggy brawl
and soon Roy is bloody and knocked out, whereas Iggy is cowering under
a nearby rock.
Smash: I beg the permission of the court
to send Roy to Judge Smash's court after this case is over.
Mr. Little: Granted. Judgement in this
case for the Bailiff!
Iggy: But you haven't heard the evidence
yet.
Mr. Little: Why bother? All those facts
just confuse me.
In Mr. Little's office...
Mr. Little: Woo hoo, look at all this
money!
Smash: And all for just sitting around
punishing people randomly.
Mr. Little: I know! I can't believe
that you can get paid for this!
Smash: Do you suppose it matters that
you're not really a judge?
Mr. Little: Nah, that doesn't make any
difference.
Smash jumps up.
Smash: He admits it!
Mr. Little: Wha-?
A cameraman jumps out of the closet.
Cameraman: Scream, you're on Koopa Camera!
Mr. Little: How could you do this to
me?!
Smash: Easy. How could I pass up a chance
to make a bunch of money and rip off yet another TV show?
The police jump out and chase Mr. Little
down the street.
Smash: (to the camera) EAT MORE CHICKEN!
THE END The ones responsible for this mess are: Jazzman von Koopa,
Golden
Road, Smash,
Makina, and
myself. Further blame belongs to Lemmy Koopa for originally showing this story in his Land and editing it and whatnot.
DON'T JUST SIT THERE LIKE A TURNIP!
