Cast:
Bowser: Goldilocks
Three Cows: Three Bears
Everyone else: extras
One day Bowser was stumbling through the woods and managed to get himself lost! He got himself so lost that he stumbled upon a hidden cottage deep in the woods, never before seen by human eyes. It was SO hidden, in fact, that even the owners didn't know where they were.
Bowser: Wow, a hidden cottage never before seen by human eyes! Wait, this wasn't on my map...
Bowser checked his map. Unfortunately, it was a map of Venezuela.
Bowser: Darn! It was supposed to be Ubangi!
So then Bowser broke into the hidden cottage never before seen by human eyes. Inside he found nothing of interest as it was completely devoid of any furniture, knickknacks, food, valuables, or large cardboard boxes to hide in.
Bowser: Well geez! This is gonna be a dull story!
So Bowser walked to the back of the cottage to find three places where grass was being allowed to grow through the floor.
Bowser: Well, I'll lie on one of these accursed things for a while.
Immediately upon sitting on the grass the door was broken clear off its hinges. It flew across to the back of the house, where it smashed into a window. As it did three cows of varying sizes slowly marched into the room, devoid of emotion. They slowly tromped through the living room.
Papa Cow: Moo. (If we had furniture, someone would have been sitting in it.)
Bowser began to scream swear words in Spanish as the large mammals examined the area. There was no way out and the gapping hole in the window was letting a breeze in
Papa Cow: Moo. (Someone's been sleeping on my grass!}
Mama Cow: Moo. (Someone's been sleeping on MY grass!}
Baby Cow: Moo.{Moo.}
Bowser: ARRGH! How do I keep winding up in these dumb fairytale spoofs?
Mama Cow: Moo. {There's the creature that slept on our grass.}
Papa Cow: Moo. (Do we care enough to do anything?)
Baby Cow: Moo. (Moo.)
Bowser ran screaming up to the bedroom and hid under the bed, but it was too small and he got stuck.
Bowser: Ugh! This space is too small!
After tearing the bed to pieces trying to get out, Bowser stumbled over to the next bed. This one was so tall that he could be clearly seen under it.
Bowser: This space is too large!
Desperately, he flung himself under a third bed and sighed.
Bowser: This space is just right.
The bed immediately collapsed upon him. The three cows tromped up the stairs.
Papa Cow: Moo. (Someone has flung himself under my bed.)
Mama Cow: Moo. (Someone has mangled my bed.)
Baby Cow: Moo. (Moo.)
Faced with the complete horror of seeing the four-footed mammals climb up the stairs so easily, Bowser flung himself out the window, only to find it was double panned and only managed to bruise his head
Bowser: This window is too hard.
Bowser flung himself out another window and crashed through it, plummeting to the ground below and landing with a THUD!
Bowser: (groaning) That window was too soft.
So Bowser ran all the way back up the stairs to a third window and flung himself through it with the greatest of ease.
Bowser: Ah... this window is just-
Bowser fell in the swimming pool, which has no water.
Bowser: Uuuuuuuuuggghhhhh...
Papa Cow: Moo. (Someone's been trying to crash through my window.)
Mama Cow: Moo. (Somebody's been trying to crash through MY window.)
Baby Cow: Moo. (Moo.)
The cows jumped out the window and landed on the ground below, perfectly unharmed due to years of acrobatic training. Then they ran over to the swimming pool.
Mama and Papa Cow: Moo. (Somebody has flung himself into our empty swimming pool.)
Baby Cow: Moo. (Moo.)
Bowser: This story is too stupid!
And so Bowser ran screaming from the cottage through the woods and was never heard from again.
Moral: Don't ask me, I just work here.
This story was written by Jazzman, Smash, Mewd, and myself. Lemmy Koopa also did some stuff. So blame him too.
Moo.
