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King Bowser's Bio

King Bowser

by me

First Name: Bowser.

Last Name: Koopa. And if you didn't know that, you're pretty stupid.

Rank: King! DUH!

Age: None of yer stinkin' business!

Height: Depends on my mood. Usually between eight and ten feet.

Weight: About two tons, give or take an ounce.

Powers: Here we go! Super-strength, fire-breathing, virtually indestructible, assorted magic, incredible good looks, brilliant mind, etc.

Games: *takes a deep breath* SMB, SMB2 (Japan), SMB3, Super Mario World, Super Mario World 2, Super Mario Kart, Super Mario All-Stars, Mario Is Missing, Mario's Time Machine, Yoshi's Cookie (Battle Mode), Yoshi's Safari, Tetris Attack, Super Mario RPG, Super Mario 64, Yoshi's Story, Mario Golf, Mario Tennis, Mario Kart 64, Mario Party, Mario Party 2, Mario Party 3, Paper Mario, and SMB Deluxe...*gasp, pant, wheeze...*

Favorite Color: Red. Definitely. As in lava.

Favorite Food: Goomba stew. Well, what else did you expect me to do with the ones who were unfit for combat?

Favorite Underling: Hmm, Magikoopas have always been a favorite, though I'm also a little partial to Boos and Hammer Brothers...

Profile: Where to begin? Okay, I was raised by a Magikoopa named Kamek, who recognized my greatness immediately. Good thing too, since my lazy father, Morton, didn't seem to care enough to raise me! Anyway, my brother, Wart, is technically older than me, but I was the one who took the throne (I suppose getting himself turned into a frog didn't elevate him much in Dad's eyes). Many claim that I seized the throne illegally, but I was the rightful heir! So what if I, err, "sped up the succession" a little bit? He wasn't a capable ruler anyway! It was around this time that I met my wife, Clawdia, and over the next few years we were cursed with seven little monsters of our own. Aww... Anyway, mighty as my Kingdom was, I realized that in order to have true domination of Plit, I would need to conquer several other key kingdoms, the most vital of which was (and is) the Mushroom Kingdom. Unfortunately, none of my attempts have been exactly successful, due to my incompetent troops. Because I have kidnapped her so often, a lot of people mistakenly believe that I have feelings for Peach, but the reason why I kidnapped her originally was because her healing powers could save the Mushroom People I had turned to stones and blocks (check the original SMB instruction booklet if you don't believe me!). Though it's true I have tried to marry her once or twice, I assure all of you that it's purely for political reasons. Nothing else. Speaking of which, I think I'm about two weeks overdue for a kidnapping attempt...

Quote: "I am the Koopa King, and you are not. Go away."

I realize that you must feel overwhelmed by my sheer greatness, but you must move on now.

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