May 2004
March 2004
"Don't flush me! I'm not dead yet!"
screamed the inflatable hammer.
February 14, 2004
The Nashville Skyline
Photography by: Me
November 5, 2003
How to cook an inflatable hammer:
You really shouldn't do that.
October 12, 2003
Among the bush of roses
An inflatable hammer grows
Though not as tall
And still quite small
It is lovelier than all the flowers
In a brilliant shade of neon green
You can spot it from 2 feet away
People stare
and people smile
Because it is so radiant
My heart would never recover
If the thorns deflated it
Goodbye roses
Goodbye thorns
Goodnight Inflatable Hammer
March 17, 2003
You’ve probably heard by now, but my sister is getting married. And I thought about that for a little while, and I decided I hope I never marry Matt Thiessen, the lead singer for Relient K. I’d have too many angry fourteen year olds trying to kill me. But I decided to hire a bodyguard anyway, just in case. His name is Ralph. Sometimes he scares me though. Like when I’m at the grocery store and I’m trying to buy cereal, and he won’t let anyone else walk down the aisle while I’m on it, and he starts yelling at them a lot. I know he’s just trying to protect me, but I don’t think that little boy was going to hurt me. He only had one arm. I wonder if Ralph bit the other one off. Its possible, because Ralph is a carnivore. Maybe I should get a different bodyguard. Maybe I should hire Ronald Mcdonald to be my bodyguard. No I don’t think so, because I think I could take him, so there really wouldn’t be any point in him protecting me. I never really liked Ronald anyway because I think red and yellow are really ugly colors to wear at the same time. Red is nice, and yellow is nice, but not together. And that’s all he ever wears. Someone should tell him that looks really bad, and it hurts my eyes. Kind of like staring at a computer screen for long periods of time, that hurts my eyes too. I think now is a good time to point out that I’m wearing clean socks.
February 25, 2003
One time, I was taking a walk around the Parthenon. And I saw this guy sitting on a bench, feeding some turtles. And I asked him…..hey, what time is it. And he said….in Russia its 3pm. And I said hey that’s great, and then I took his turtle food and ran away. I think after that he started eating the turtles. It’s not like they were going to live long anyway, since no one was feeding them anymore. Ever since then I’ve never really been able to eat chicken. Chicken reminds me a lot of this time when I was at Burger King. The guy behind the counter was wearing a nametag, and it said “chicken” on it. He was really nice, so ever since then I don’t like eating chicken. I kind of feel like I’m eating a nice guy. There are other days, when all I really love to do is ride a bike. When I’m riding my bike, I feel really powerful. Because I move a lot faster on a bike than I do on a horse. I also like to start sentences with the word “because.” Because english teachers don’t like that, and I don’t like english teachers. I also get kind of annoyed with “artistic” people, because I don’t really understand why they like to sit around contemplating weird things like….the meaning of string. I say that a lot, but I really mean it.