Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to the author
Note: A Buffy and Angel story written after watching Surprise
Buffy stood in the center of the sparsely furnished room, slowly looking around with a mixture of nostalgia and sadness. It had been over a year since she last came here. The old pictures hanging on the wall, the ivory statue enclosed in its glass case, the antique armoire, the unmade bed. Everything was the same. She walked over to a stacked pile of old books, absently running her finger along the dusty spines of the novels as her gaze drifted over the rest of the room. She could feel his presence in every corner, stirring bittersweet memories of a past she once knew.
You cloaked yourself in shadow and silence, condemned to walk forever in darkness. I wanted to turn and run away. And yet, I fell in love with you. And that was enough reason. To defy destiny. To face the odds. To take on the world and fight for us because I believed in what we had. But who'd ever thought the love that kept us together would eventually drive us apart?
One night of passion. One moment of stolen bliss. Then everything changed. The shadows of his past reached out its iron claws and tore away his humanity, dragging him into the abyss. Darkness surrounded him, devoured him, became one with him. And the man that he had become was lost.
Her eyes darkened with pain as she recalled his cruel taunts, his withering sarcasm, his mockery and the twisted mind games he used to torment her as he kept pushing her closer to the edge.
I wasn't ready then. I didn't want to let go of the past and accept that you were gone. But whatever hope I had left died that night you took the life of a friend. I wanted to scream in denial because the truth was too painful to bear. Nothing was ever gonna bring you back. It was time to move on.
With that resolution firmly placed in her mind, Buffy pushed aside whatever conflicting emotions she may have had about Angel. The person she knew no longer existed. He was a vampire to the very core - a vicious creature without a conscience, incapable of feeling neither remorse nor pity. He had to be hunted down and destroyed.
Then fate intervened once more.
And you were given back to me. No one could explain how or why but I knew. The answer was so simple. It was because of a love that refused to die.
But none of her friends shared her happiness. Anger, bitterness and mistrust had sown its roots too deep. She couldn't ignore that just as she couldn't ignore everything else that had happened. Too many lives had been changed. Much as she wanted to, there was no going back. For either one of them.
"Where do we go from here, Angel?" she whispered softly. "Where do we go from here?"
Her throat ached with unshed tears. Taking a deep breath, she sat down on the bed and closed her eyes, trying to gather the courage she needed to get through whatever was going to happen in the next few minutes.
Angel watched her silently from the doorway. He knew why she had come. And as he looked at her, he felt a sense of helplessness that was beyond anything he had ever experienced.
For a hundred years I didn't know any kind of peace. My life was as bleak as death, empty and full of pain. And I was alone. It suited me fine. The world had nothing to offer. I had nothing to give in return. Then you came along. I tried not to care, not to feel. I tried to stay away. I already carried more burden, more memories than I could endure. But it was too late. I already lost my heart. And for the first time in my life I found out what it felt like to be loved for no other reason except for myself. You loved me inspite of knowing who I was, what I was. You stood by my side and stayed there when everything you heard about me should have made you run.
But now she was slipping away.
All because of that one night. And then everything fell apart. He didn't realize the heavy price he had to pay for that one moment of happiness until he felt his soul was being ripped way. And he could do nothing. He could do nothing as he visited torment after torment upon her. He could do nothing as he vowed to kill her friends one by one. He could do nothing as he made good on his promise.
He closed his eyes then, his face a mask of tortured regret as he remembered all the cruel and vicious things he said to her, all the vile and inhuman things he did to her. And as he looked at her once more, the feeling of helplessness welling inside him slowly turned to anguish. He was going to lose her. And didn't know if he had the strength to let her go.
"Buffy," he said after a long moment, closing the door behind him.
She stood up to face him. "Angel."
He saw the look of sadness and uncertainty in her eyes but said nothing. An uncomfortable silence settled in the room.
"Can we talk?"
He removed his jacket and tossed it over a chair. "About what?"
She cleared her throat as if it was clogged. "About us."
Blinking back the tears, she slowly removed the silver ring from her finger. Taking his hand, she placed it on open palm and gently closed it. She drew an unsteady breath when she saw the look of pain in his eyes. A pain that surpassed even her own. A muscle at the base of his throat worked as if he were trying to speak. But he said nothing. She turned to leave.
"Wait."
She stopped and faced him. He walked over to where she was, took her hand in his and slipped the ring back on. Then he placed her hand over his heart.
"It's yours," he said softly. "Always. Remember that."
She felt as if she were dying inside. But she did not cry.
He wanted to hold her one last time. Before he realized what he was doing, his arms closed around her and buried his face in her hair. She slipped his arms around his waist and rested her head upon his shoulder. This time she couldn't stop her tears from falling. He closed his eyes, aching for the pain that they both felt.
"Goodbye, Angel."
"Don't." He reached down and gently brushed her tears away. "No goodbyes. No regrets."
"No regrets," she echoed back.
Laying her hand against his cheek, she leaned up on her toes and pressed her lips to his for one last kiss. "I love you," she whispered.
"I know."
She looked at him one last time, unconsciously memorizing every line on his face. Then turning around, she willed herself to walk out of his door and out of his life. And she did not look back.
He stood there long after she was gone. It was better this way. He had to let her go. It was the right thing to do. He couldn't hold her back. She still had so much going for her.
"I'm giving you your life back, Buffy. Like the one you had. Before me." His words echoed the same thoughts she had told him not too long ago.
Without him noticing, a tear fell unheeded.
She was the one person he knew who dared to venture into the darkness to bring him back to the light. And she was gone. The finality of it all hit him. He was alone again. His shoulders sagged in defeat as the darkness and its bleak emptiness enveloped him once more.
It was almost dawn but she was still wide-awake.
Buffy sat by her window, her legs drawn up to her chest with her arms wrapped tightly around them. She was staring at the skies yet her eyes held a distant, faraway look. She was remembering that one perfect night when he finally told her what was in his heart. Words she had wanted to hear for so long.
I love you. I try not to but I can't stop.
The poignancy of his words made her chest ache. Her eyes and throat hurt from the tears that she refused to shed. She wondered how she ever found the strength to walk away. He had stood there unmoving. His face was devoid of expression. But his eyes told her everything. They revealed his anguish, his torment, his regret.
Pain slashed through her like a thousand jagged knives. Tears fell as her shoulders shook with violent, wrenching sobs she could no longer contain. She put her head in her arms and wept brokenly because she finally knew. It was over.
