Newsflash from Mayo Co. Board 1999
In a media release by the Mayo County Board which has both shocked and pleasantly surprised the Catholic Church, PJ
McGrath, the Mayo County Chairman has confirmed that the county board are to send the Mayo ladies football team and the
minors on holiday to Lanzarote next December. "We feel that both teams, after a tireless winters training and a successful summer
of football, deserve the holiday regardless of the results of their respective finals." Fair enough said all at the press conference, but
McGrath continued however: "In the light of the our continual annual disappointing trips to Croke Park, we have decided to try a
Hitler type regime of breeding a superior race, in this case a superior footballer, a form of artificial natural selection if you like.
Both teams will be sharing the same hotel and on each night we will be providing a free bar with the hope that they share more
than just the hotel. In our efforts to accelerate the process of creating the perfect footballer, we will be taking it on ourselves to
remove all condom machines from the toilets of the hotel. Durex have threatened to bring us to court over this but we will pay
whatever the fine as we have bagfuls of money now that Maughan is no longer in charge of the mens team. While we are confident
our experiment will succeed, we all have to be patient. We expect that as a result of this holiday, we will be winning senior
All-Irelands by the year 2020. Potential investors in Mayo PLC note this. However, with the luck we've had on the football field
recently, we will probably start an era of winning 10 womens All-irelands in a row from 2020. However, we live in hope." With
that, McGrath was shot dead by a member of womens lib.