Star Wars - Limerick Style
Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 6'6
tall, from "The Ciddy" and have no name .He'd have the same amount of body
hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and
a leather waistcoat. LOVE and HATE would be tattooed to his knuckles.
He'd work as a bouncer in Kilmurry Lodge.
Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as the Big Fella . People
trying to start a fight with him would refer to his mother or describe
him as "you big fucking knob".
Darth Vader would referred to as 'Buckethead' or in moments of stress
'Bucket-Headed-Langer'. He would be a member of the McCarthy family.
Princess Leia would be called Princess Leanne and would have her hair
dyed blonde since she was 12. She and her 5 year old would live in the
Chicken Hut and would be a prime catch.
R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of the
number of students who would try to puke into him or tie their bicycle to
or take him home to decorate their sitting room in Elm Park. He would
refuse to go the Ennis Road for fear of being run over by a drunken
Volvo driving Ralph Lauren clad rugby player.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be unable to
understand anything anyone who worked on the DELL line said. He would
be referred to in the local vernacular as "a fucking queer".
The Millennium Falcon would have alloy wheels, no hubcaps and would
often be found abandoned near the Roxboro roundabout. It would have a 2FM
Abrakebabra sticker in the back window and a Supermac's 'Up Limerick!' sticker
dating from 1996 on the windscreen .
Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run
very fast when you're wearing 5inch platform heels and a tiny silver
mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps.
Especially through piles of puke outside Supermac's. And you really want
to get caught anyway. They all do .
The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a
desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be leave it in a kitchen
in a random house in Elm Park overnight. It will either be eaten by drunken
students, be fed illegal substances or simply perish from the stench.
Put it between the Residents Association and the Students Union on
Thursday of Rag Week, Abandon it outside the Chicken Hut on a Saturday
Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-
Han Solo "I've got a real bad feeling about this"
Limerickese: "I's shiitin' bricks boys"
"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
Limerickese: " Are you lookin for a fight ?"
"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
Limerickese: "Force. I know I'm no Fuckin student but that's a load of
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at
your side, kid."
Limerickese: "Fuck what that wanker of a priest says - a knife, boys
that's all you need in this town to survive!"
Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker - "The Force is strong
in this one"
Limerickese: "the mouldy little slippery bollix"
"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
Limerickese: "This can of shit is gonna get us killed ya bollix lets go
rob a car in Castletroy and use that instead"
Admiral Motti - "Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways,
Limerickese: "You think you're that hard, ya bollix Vader so you do.
We're not Fuckin scared of you."
( the limerick vocabulary is quite limited)