A couple of anecdotes on that most extraordinary speciman : THE DUB
Ah Dublin! Capital of Ireland. Europe's smallest capital and also its smelliest. Step off a train at Heuston or
Connolly station and breathe in that un-mistakeable aroma of piss and puke. But it's the people of Dublin who make
our capital city what it is. We call them 'Jackeens' because of a visit to Dublin by Queen Victoria which saw the
locals line O'Connell Street while waving union jacks at their visitor. Ask anyone with even half a brain how many
counties there are in Ireland and they will tell you 32. But not our friends in Dublin. For some bizarre reason they
firmly believe there are only two:
1)"Dooblin"and
2)"dowen da coontry".
Next time you're in Dublin, check out the excellent selection of Radio Stations, both of
which play the same five songs all day. Whether it's 98fm or 104fm, tune in at any time of the
day to hear Robbie Williams and The Lighthouse Family. You'll never get tired of it !!!
Anyway, here are the ten most asked questions about Dubs.
1)Why do Dublin people piss in the streets instead of a toilet?
2)Why do they refer to all other Irish people as Sheep Shaggers when we all know damn well what
they're doing with those horses. A man from Ballyfermot (probably called Anto) recently got divorced from his cousin
so he could marry his horse.
3)Why is their knowledge of Irish geography restricted to "da nart soide and da sout soide"?
4)Why does their knowledge of Irish history go all the way back to the 1980's?
5)Why do they complain about "doze bleedin' niggers coming over here taking ere women and ere jobs" when Paul McGrath is
"yer only man" and "God Bless Phillo"?
6)What the fuck language are they speaking?
7)Why is hurling a culchie game until Dublin win a match when it suddenly becomes"Hooorlin',da fastest field sport in da bleedin' wooorld".?
8)Why can't they go for a drink without trying to stab each other afterwards?
9)Why can't they accept Aslan are never going to make it 'cause they're Shite?
10)Why are they all still wearing track-suits?
Dublin Football Fan is appearing on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Chris Tarrant: Dublin Football fan you've done very well so far, 64,000 and 1 life line left phone a friend, the next question
will give you 125,000 if you get it right but if you get it wrong you will be out of the game and drop to 32,000: are you ready?"
Dublin Football Fan: "Yes Chris I am"
Chris : " On the screen is a photo of a current Dublin footballer as a baby - which Dublin player is it - now think about this
carefully its worth 125,000 only 3 questions away from the million"
Dublin Football fan : " I think I know who it is ........er....but I'm not 100% sure, no I'm sure its Stynes , I'm sure its Brian Stynes(pause),
can I phone a friend Chris just to be sure ?"
Chris: "Yes Dublin Football Fan who do you want to phone ?"
Dublin Football Fan : "I'll phone Anto, He's a Dublin football fan also"
(ringing)
Anto : "Hello"
Chris : "Hello Anto, this is Chris Tarrant here from ITVs Who Wants To Be A Millionaire I have Dublin Football fan here and he is doing really
well on 64,000 but needs your help to get to 125,000 - Anto are you next to the fax machine as this is a visual question. I'm faxing you a photo now
have you received it ?"
Anto: "Yes, Chris"
Chris: " The next voice you hear will be Dublin Football Fan's - he'll explain the question and you have 30 seconds to answer - fire away Dublin Football Fan"
Dublin Football Fan: " Anto, that photo is a baby photo of what current Dublin footballer - I'm sure its Stynes what do you think ?"
Anto: "Its never Stynes, its obviously Keith Barr"
Dublin Football Fan : "You think ?"
Anto: "I'm sure "
Dublin Football Fan: " Thanks Anto "(hangs up)
Chris : "Well a difference of oppinion - do you want to stick on 64,000 or play on for 125,000? "
Dublin Football Fan: "I want to play, I am so sure its Stynes I am going to go with me first answer - Stynes"
Chris : "Is that your final answer"
Dublin Football Fan : "It is"
Chris : "Are you confident"
Dublin Football Fan : "Yes fairly"
Chris : "Dublin Football Fan .....you had 64,000 and you said Brian Stynes - if its right you win 125,000 if its
wrong you go away with 32,000
(drum roll) ..............................
It was wrong - sorry Dublin Football Fan. Here is your cheque for 32,000 you have been a great contestant and a
real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for the Dublin Football Fan"
(clapping ..................)
Dublin Football Fan: "Before I go Chris - what was the correct answer, its killing me"
Chris : "Jason Sherlock"
New Fairy Liquid Add
The makers of Fairy Liquid are set to release a new advert based
in Dublin's Northside. It goes like this:
Little Boy: "Mammy why are your hands so soft"?
Mother:"Because I'm twelve"