Highlights from the legendary Clare training sessions.
Scene: 21 Claremen sitting in the dressing room. Ger and Considine
Ger: Right lads. Are ye ready for it. This must be good. It has to be
great. I want epic stuff. I want committment and flair.
Group: Whatever you say Ger. You always know best.
Brian Lohan: Frank you dirty mule, I fuckin warned ye before about takin
me lucky jocks. If ye do it again I'll stick the butt of me hurley in
Frank: Ask me tank . You think you're great. You ignorant bollix.
Meanwhile Lynch is breaking down the door with his hurley.
Ger: Control it Colin, channel it into some good tough hurling.
PJ: Fuck everybody. The world hates me and I hate them. Shit, left me
gear in the boot of the car. Must put on me hard man walk and get it.
Jamesie boy: PJ me auld flower, where are ye off ta?
PJ: Fuck you. Fuck everybody.
Ger: Don't talk to Jamesie boy like that. When he pucks the ball the sun
shines brighter, juices flow, majestic, unprecedented brilliance, the
best ever, epic stuff.
Two scraps later PJ arrives back and togs out.
Ger: Right lads, training.Davy, you be yourself, jump around like a
psycho and spout shit, plenty of it. Lohan, you take no shit. Frank, do
what Brian tells you. Reddin,you do the same.... or something. Doyle, do
200 laps, Seanie take it fair and easy boy. Anthony, the stalwart from
the times of nothing, famine times. Practice your speech.
Daly: You're right I will. "By Jaysus the people of Clare love
traditional music but we love our hurling too. THE FAMINE IS OVER. THE
FAMINE IS OVER. THE FAMINE IS OVER. THE FAMINE IS OVER. Fuck Biddy
Earley. Ta an athas an corn......"
PJ: Ah fuck off. I'd murder a few pints now.
Ger: Lynch will you ever stop pulling accross Baker. I said stop. The
decision is already made. Do you want an Internal kangeroo court. You
won't defend yourself here either...................... Jamesie boy you
run a few miles and take a few frees, I'll massage you later.
Jamesie boy: Can't wait Ger boy.
Ger: PJ build up that wall outside it needs a few blocks.
PJ: Ah Fuck off.
Ger: Gilligan, Sparrow and Tuohy, shoot shoot shoot. The rest of you
write out a few bogus team selections for the papers. Gilligan, shoot
the ball; leave your shorts on for gods sake.
Considine: Motivate them Ger. Motivate them.
Ger: Lads..........Lads...Do it for yourselves and your families. Do it
for the fans of the people of Clare,Seamus Durack, Tommy Guilfoyle,
Cyril Lyons, The Lord God and his only son who sits at his right hand.
Davy: Fair play, Fair play Ger boy.
Jamesie boy: Let's do it for Ger.
All: For Ger. Let's do it for Ger. Let's do it for Ger.
Clancy: What will you do Ger?
Ger: I'll practice making strategic diagonal runs accross the pitch But
before that I'll tell ye; you can wash my car and when that is done why
don't you fuck off home.................................................
.............................Now lads, bloody marvellous,marvellous,
let's go and make this the best training session ever. Epic stuff lads
I want epic stuff.
Ger: Great stuff lads. Team spiit, soften him up. I've seen rougher
masses. Will ye ever come on. Hit hard and hit often. For the jersey.
For all those who ever donned it . Epic stuff lads. Marvellous, best
ever. Epic stuff. Great team. Heart, committment, the whole works. Ah
Jamesie boy has it. Look the sun is starting to shine. Wonderful.
Considine: God is watching and he's with us.
Ger; Right here beside you Tony, Right here beside you boy.