Tay started to respond, but I covered his mouth with my hand. His lips were soft and warm against the backs of my fingers, “I love you, but-” He leaned in to kiss me, but I held him back. “I love you. But… Taylor…” my heart felt like it was going to rip in half. I’m surprised I didn’t faint before I uttered the words, “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?” he seemed startled.
“I can’t… handle you leaving.”
“What?”
“Taylor, I love you… but I just… we just…”
“No, stop,” he almost panicked, “Don’t say anything else…”
“Taylor, I knew going into this that I would have to handle this. And I did… for a while. Zac said you used to say that you thought it was you who like me more. But that’s not true. I can’t even imagine what my life is going to be like when you’re not around. And for you not to be coming back any time in the foreseeable future, then that makes it even worse.”
Taylor stood there in shock, his mouth hanging partially open. “I’m sorry,” I had to look away from his crystal blue eyes, “But this needs to stop.”
“No, it doesn’t,” his voice pleaded, “Because see, it’s better now. We don’t have to hide anymore. It’s better now.”
“Tay, it’s not better. I didn’t know I loved you this much before, that’s why it was easy for me to let you go. But I can’t do it this time…”
“Please, Robinson,” I knew he was trying to look me in the eyes, but I kept my eyes fixed on a point on the ground.
“Taylor, I know this is so cliché, but… I can’t be without you.”
He was silent when I finally looked him in the eyes. We were soaking wet, water running down my legs. My dress was clinging to my body, turned transparent by the water. I had goose bumps all over. Because of the rain, he couldn’t tell that I was crying.
“If that’s what you want,” he said, his voice sad but impatient.
It wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted him to refuse and day he wouldn’t accept that and not ever leave. But that didn’t happen. He simply took my frozen hand and we walked in silence back to my house. He handed me the picnic basket, and with a kiss on the cheek, was gone.
“What happened?” Heidi came into the hall, seeing my teary eyes and sopping body.
“My life is mass confusion,” I muttered, and bounded up the stairs.
