"Hello, my name is Timothy Jones. I'd like to welcome you to the first ever UWM Friday Night. I am the owner of UWM. I hope you all have a great time here and at home. Now...LET'S GET IT ON!"
Kef-Pac and RoadFoxx vs. Pane and Crispy
"What a great way to start the first ever UWM Friday Night,"Steven says. Kef-Pac and RoadFoxx came down to the ring first.RoadFoxx said,"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. Degeneration-Kef proudly brings to you the soon to be Tag Te..."The lights go out and Pane's music plays. Flames come from the turnbuckle and Pane and Crispy walk towards the ring. Kef-Pac and RoadFoxx start attacking them as they are getting in the ring. RoadFoxx knocks Crispy on the outside and turns his attention towards Pane who has his hand around Kef-Pac's neck. RoadFoxx goes up to him, punches him once, twice, three times, does a little dance, goes for the fourth but gets clotheslined by the monster. RoadFoxx tries to get up but is pulled on the outside by Crispy.Crispy throws RoadFoxx into the rail and goes for the Crispy Spear but Foxx jumps out of the way.RoadFoxx looks up at the ring. Kef-Pac is about to receive a Super Powerbomb from Pane. Foxx runs up and hits Pane in the back of the leg. Pane falls backwards and Kef-Pac punches away at his head. The RoadFoxx bounces off the ropes, dances, jumps, spins, and his knee lands on Pane's head. Kef-Pac covers.The crowd counts along 1....2...NO!! Pane kicks out. RoadFoxx tries to do a running clothesline and gets a big boot to the face.PD Derek licks his lips and says,"What a Slobber-knocker! Slobber-Knocker!" Pane gets ready to powerbomb Foxx but he doesn't see Kef-Pac climbing the ropes. Pane sees Kef-Pac and turns around but it's too late. Kef-Pac jumps and puts the X-Compactor on Pane. RoadFoxx covers 1...2...3! Kef-pac and RoadFoxx win! They celebrate but run out of the ring when they see Pane starting to get up.
KidMike vs. Jerkicho
What a boring fight! Jerkicho didn't let KidMike do any high flying moves. Jerkicho kept telling the ref that KidMike was pulling his hair and low blowing him. Finally, the ref stopped believing Jerkicho. Then, KidMike started doing those things. He got mad the ref didn't believe him. KidMike started to really beat on Jerkicho. KidMike tried to splash Jerkicho in the corner but he pulled the ref in front of him. KidMike tries to help the ref but Jerkicho gets a chair and hits KidMike with it. He puts KidMike in the Lion Two-Timer and the ref calls for the bell. Jerkicho wins.
Edge666 vs. Blackdust
This was a strange match. Edge666 came up though his burning hole in the floor and then Blackdust came out and black dust fell from the sky. Edge666 spit blood in Blackdust's face behind the ref's back. Blackdust stumbled around blind while Stacy kept hitting him in the back of the head. Blackdust moved him leg back and low blowed Edge666. Blackdust cleaned his face off so he could see and attacked Edge666 in the corner. He put Edge666's legs on the ropes and ran to the oppisite turnbuckle. He ran up to him trying to give him a ShatteredNightmare's Kick but the ref blocked it. "I won't allow it," the ref said. Blackdust pulled him out of the corner and threw him to the ropes. Blackdust tried to do a sidekick to Edge666 but he ducked under. When Blackdust turned around, Edge666 kicked him in the nuts and gave him the Moose Cutter. He covered 1...2...3! The winner is Edge666. The lights went out and we hear....Josh's voice? say," AHHHH.....get ready." A few minutes later, the lights come back on and Edge666 is knocked out on the floor covered in blood.
Ravishing Regal Rini vs. DDT vs. BA Chilli Gunn
"ARE YOU READY FOR SOME PUPPIES," PD Derek said. Steven said,".....ok." Chilli Gunn came out first waving her booty at everyone. "Give some of that to daddy," Derek said. Diamond Dallas Tracy came out next. "I feel like I'm aboard the FOXXXXXXX Train," said Derek. Ravishing Regal Rini came out next. Derek said,"I can see God....." "Stop drooling Derek," said Steven," Do you ever not think about sex?"Pimp Daddy Derek says " You cant escape the wrath of the Sex-Factor, and when you get put between the legs of Pimp Daddy Derek,ah........get ready! cause youre goin for the ride of your life! Now hit my music!" "Sit down Derek,"Steven said. "Sorry...."Derek said. Steven said, "I guess that's a no." The bell rang and DDT ran at Rini. DDT kicked Rini in the ribs a couple of times. "Not so pretty now bitch," DDT said. Rini looked down at her hand. She had broke a nail. She start beating the crap out of DDT. Chilli walked up to the fighting fems, turned around, and mooned them both. They both went to attack Chilli but she jumped up and hit them both with the Scrub Killer. She covered both of them 1...2...3! Bad Ass Chilli Gunn wins. She gets up, goes over to PD Derek, moons him, and walks away. Derek gets up and runs backstage. Steven said,"Where are you going? We're doing a show here!" Derek said,"I need a cold shower...i'll be right back. Don't bore the people to death."
ReyMooseJr vs. The Brain
The Brain came out first. The crowd chanted "Nugget"! He grabbed the mike and said,"I am not a nugget!! Know your I.Q. and shut your mouth! I'll show you that ReyMooseJr is a nugget by beating his RODDY POO CANDY ASS. IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL WHAT THE BRAIN......is cooking." ReyMooseJr's music came on and scared the hell out of the Brain. ReyMooseJr jumped into the ring and the Brain jumped out. The crowd chanted "nugget" again. The Brain grabbed the mike and said, " I am not a nugget so know your I.Q. an..." Rey dived over the ropes on top of the Brain. He grabbed the mike and said, "Everybody out there make some noise if you think the Brain is a nugget." The crowd roared. Rey said,"I thought so!" He turned around and the Brain low blowed him. He grabbed the mike and said,"I may be a nugget but you're the BIGGEST PIECE OF TRAILOR PARK TRASH!!" Rey jumped kicked him, grabbed the mike and said," I think you have me confused with your momma." He threw the Brain into the ring and got in. The brain stomped on him and then backed away. The Brain motioned him to come forward. Rey knew the Brain Bottom was coming but he walked into it away. Rey countered the Brain Bottom with the Jumping DDT. He kicked the Brain in the shoulder and threw is elbow pad into the crowd. Steven said,"He's gonna do the Brain's elbow to the Brain.....and where the hell is Derek?" Rey bounced off the ropes and dropped his elbow on the Brain. He covered 1...2...3! ReyMooseJr wins! Rey ran into the crowd to meet all his fans while the Brain got carried out on a stretcher.
Joe "Tough Guy" Hart vs. The Big Moose
Joe came out first carrying his Kendle stick. Then, the Big Moose came out. It felt like the whole building was shaking. Steven said,"The Big Moose is huge but Joe doesn't look scared. This should be a good match right Derek.....Can we please get him back down here!" While the ref had his back turned, Joe hit the Big Moose in the arm with his Kendle stick. Steven said,"Ouch! That's the arm that was in that cast after the Rage broke it. After this match, he may need it again. Can we please get Derek back! I feel like I'm talking to myself." The ref turned back and Joe threw the Kendle stick out of the ring. He grabbed the Big Moose's arm and and slammed it against the metal part of the turnbuckle again and again. The ref told him to get off the man. Joe shoved the ref down. He turned around to go back to the attack and the Big Moose put his hand around Joe's neck. He picked Joe up for the Moose Slam but Joe poked him in the eye. Joe got out of the ring and tripped the Big Moose. He pulled his legs around the pole and put the Big Moose in a figure-four. The ref counted 1...2...3...4..and Joe broke the hold. He grabbed his Kendle stick and asked the ref to check the time. The ref turned his back and Joe beat the Big Moose in the leg with the Kendle stick. The ref turned around, Joe threw the stick out, pulled the Big Moose to the center of the ring, and put him in the Dullshooter. The Big Moose tapped out. Joe "Tough Guy" Hart wins. Joe runs into the crowd as he sees the Macho Moose and ReyMooseJr run out to help the Big Moose. Steven said,"Wow! What a great match.....damn that's a long shower."
Adam Blackman vs. Triple X
Triple X came out first. "Look at him. He's flirted with all the women. He needs to have his head in the game. Oh god! I didn't mean that head, I meant his mind. Where the hell is Derek," Steven said. The Illegal Weapon Adam Blackman came down next. Adam grabs the mike and says,"Before I kick his ass, I want Joe to give me my Kendle stick back. NOW!" Joe's music starts and he comes out carrying the Kendel stick and a mike. "You want it back, then face me at "Feel The Rage" in a Hardcore match with the one Kendle stick and I take by the look on your face you accept." said Joe and then, he left. Triple X jumped Adam and hit him in the face with his knee. Adam jabbed him in the face and did a spin kick to the back of Triple X's head. Triple X tried to punch Adam but he caught it and did a clothline that almost knocked his head off. "Wow! Derek is missing a lot," Steven said. Adam grabbed Triple X's legs and dropped his knee 5 times to his nuts. The ref yelled at Adam to stop or the match would be thrown out. "Ok, I just got the word. Mr. Jones himself will be down here himself WAIT! WAIT! Joe's coming back out and he's got that Kendle stick,"said Steven. Joe waited for the ref to turn away and he hit Adam with the Kendle stick a couple of times. Triple X was on the ground so he didn't see this. He got up and saw Adam on his hands and knees. He gave him the Sex Degree and covered 1...2...3! Triple X wins. Joe gets in the ring and knocks Triple X out of the ring. Then, he beats Adam till he's busted open. Joe says,"I'll see you August 1st."
Josh LeReux vs. Macho Moose
Timothy Jones came out to be the guest ringside announcer because Derek was still missing. Steven said,"Welcome Mr. Jones. I hope this night has been all you hoped for." "I'm just an announcer now. Just call me Tim and this has been a great night. I don't now where Derek is. He better have a good reason he's gone or I'll fire his ass," said Tim. Macho Moose came down first. The crowd roared for the leader of the Moose Pack. He grabbed the mike and said," OH YEAH! Macho Moose Tony is going to take our belt back before "Feel The Rage" and then it'll have to be called "Feel The Madness" OH YEAH!" Josh came out next with his scary music and look. He grabs the mike but Macho Moose hits him before he can talk. Josh LeReux grabs his head and clothlines him. Macho kicks Josh in the face and DDT's Josh. Macho covers 1...2. and he kicked out. Macho goes for a piledriver but Josh countered it into a sidewalk slam. Josh covered 1..2.. and he kicked out. Josh LeReux started pounding on Macho Moose and then, started ripping at his face to open him up. Macho pushes him away and evenmooses him. He covers 1...2...and he kicked out. "THAT WAS CLOSE," said Steven. Tim said,"I hope Macho wins. I hate Josh." Macho picks Josh up but Josh uppercuts him. He motions for someone to come out. Tim yells,"It's Pane! He shouldn't interfere in this match." Pane has a chair and he throws it on the mat. Josh Does the Josh LeReux Driver on Macho Moose on the chair. He throws the chair out and covers 1...2...3! Josh LeReux wins. "Wait! something is being lowered from the ceiling. It's a pentagram," says Steven. Derek comes back and says,"What did I miss?" Tim says,"Where the hell were you?" PD Derek said," I found a couple of girlies in the back and let's just say I should be a gardener cause I have never trimmed so much bush li" "DEREK!!!!!! This is a somewhat family show,"screamed Tim. Derek said,"Soooooooorry.....boss." Tim said,"I might not be your boss much longer. Josh and Pane put Macho Moose on the pentagram. ReyMooseJr runs out but Crispy comes out from underneath the ring and Crispy Spears him. Pane and Crispy beat Rey till he's knocked out. The pentegram with Macho raises. Josh's eyes roll up into the back of his head and he began laughing at Macho. He grabbed the mike and said,"There! All the Moose Pack members are taken care of and all you can do is watch. HAHAHA! I took Macho out and at "Feel The Rage" I will take Edge666 out....for good.HAHAHA!"