Kef-Pac
"Welcome to the first UWM Saturday Night. We have found a better time slot. I'm Steven and the man with the half empty case of beer is Derek." said Steven. "This is gonna be one hell of a night of slobber-knockers, beer, and most importantly, PUPPIES!" Derek yelled. Kef-Pac's music started to play. "What's Kef-Pac doing out here? This isn't scheduled." Steven said. "Hey, where's Tygress and Eve? There should be a rule against not coming out with women." Derek said. Kef-Pac grabbed the microphone. "Stacy, you may have pinned me last week, but I'll take you out at the pay-per-view. I'm not as dumb as that idiot Josh, I won't be fooled by your little games. I'm gonna put the X-Compactor on you in the middle of the ring and take your belt. If any of those Moosepack members try to interfere, well, they'll see what they get. Finally the UWM will have a man to defend the title, not some sissy that couldn't beat Derek after he's had a case of beer." Stacy came running out from the back and jumped in the ring. Stacy and Kef-Pac exchanged blows and quickly some security came out. "I'll see you at the pay-per-view if you even decide to show." Stacy said as the 2 were being separated. Josh LeReux walked out with Tygress in his arms. He picked up a mike and said,"Kef-Pac..you don't deserve that title shot. I do. Give me a no.1 Contender shot tonight or I'll break this bitch's arm." Kef-Pac broke free and ran towards Josh. Josh said,"Don't come any closer. Give me my match or I'll break this little girl's arm." Kef-Pac yelled,"YOU GOT IT! NOW LET HER GO!" Josh threw Tygress into Kef-Pac's arms and walked away. Derek licked his lips and said,"Slobber-Knocker."
Hardcore Howie vs. Jerkicho
Steven said,"On to out first match, it's a new wrestler, Hardcore Howie verses Jerkicho." Hardcore Howie came down first pulling a cart full of weapons. Howie grabbed the mike and said,"I am tired of all these people pretending to be hardcore. Brain is the champion. He is NOT Hardcore. I am Hardcore and I will take his Hardcore Title. I will show you how hardcore I am by beating Jerkicho." Jerkicho ran out and Howie stomped on him as soon as he got into the ring. Howie went for a powerbomb but Jerkicho countered and put him in the Lion Two-Timer. Steven said,"I don't know if that will hold." Hardcore Howie's legs were too strong and he slammed Jerkicho's head into the turnbuckle with his legs. Derek said in his drunken stuper,"That guys got a good set of puppies!" Steven asked,"Which one," but Derek fell over again. Howie grabbed a chair and hit Jerkicho with it. Steven yelled,"Oh my God! You could hear that all over the arena! WAIT! There's The Brain!" The Brain ran into the ring but Howie saw him. Brain punched Howie but he countered and put The Brain's arm through his legs. Howie lifted him up and did his finishing move, The Pumphandle Gut Buster. Howie climbed the toprope. As The Brain and Jerkicho slowly got up, Howie jumped off and Bulldogged both of them. Steven said,"Wow! That's gotta be all over now." Derek got up and screamed,"PUPPIES!" and fell over again. Hardcore Howie turned both men over and put his hands on both their chests. The ref counted 1..2..3. Hardcore Howie won. Howie grabbed The Brain's Hardcore Title and walked out. Steven said,"Wait. Howie didn't beat The Brain. He wasn't in this match. Hardcore Howie has stolen The Brain's Championship Belt!"
Joe Hart vs. RoadFoxx
Derek licked his lips at said "KNOCKER-SLOBBER! Wait, argh, I'm too drunk..." The Road Foxx came out first and the crowd roared. The Road Foxx grabbed the microphone and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. Degeneration-Kef proudly brings to you it's soon-to-be Hardcore champion of the WOOOOOOOOOORLD..." Joe came in and lowblowed Foxx with a kendo stick. "Hahaha, kram that Foxx!" Derek said. Joe went outside the ring and got a chair. Joe tried to hit Foxx with it while Foxx was laying down, but Foxx rolled over and lowblowed Joe back. Foxx punched Joe once, twice, did a little dance and punched him again knocking him over. Foxx took the chair and bashed Joe in the face with it. Foxx picked up Joe, bounced him off the ropes and clotheslined him back down. Foxx set up Joe in the corner. Foxx went for the Foxx Train, but Joe moved out of the way. Joe picked up the kendo stick and hit Foxx in the back of the head with it. Joe hit Foxx in the knee with the kendo stick repeatedly and then rammed him with a chair in the knee too."Ouch! That's the same knee that Adam Blackman almost broke," said Steven. Joe rolled to the outside and set up a table outside the ring. Joe jumped back into the ring, picked up Foxx and powerbombed him over the top rope through the table. "Wow! What a move! Foxx is nearly knocked out!" Steven screamed. Joe brought Foxx back into the center of the ring and put the Dullshooter on him. Foxx tapped out. Joe Hart wins.
Ravishing Regal Rini vs. DDT
"PUPPIES!" Derek yelled at Rini as she walked out first. Derek did a dog whistle when DDT walked out. "Come here puppies, I'll treat you nice and..." Derek fell over. "Looks like I'll be announcing by myself for the rest of the night..." Steven said. Derek got up. "I'll be just fine." Derek said and then he fell over again. The ref rang the bell and Rini ran after DDT. Rini punched her, kicked her then body slammed her to the mat. Rini pulled DDT up and threw her off the ropes. DDT bounced back with a clothesline on Rini. DDT threw Rini outside the ring and whipped her into the steel guard-rail. DDT grabbed a chair and went after Rini, but Rini moved out of the way. Rini threw DDT into the steel steps and then threw her over the guard-rail into the crowd. DDT fought back with some right hands and then DDT body slammed Rini back over the steel guard-rail. DDT finally pulled Rini back in the ring and gave her a piledriver. DDT signaled to the crowd and went for a DDT, but Rini back body dropped her. DDT bounced back up, but Rini sent her back down with a clothesline. DDT got back up quickly again. Rini tried to kick her, but DDT caught her foot. Rini jumped and kicked DDT in the side of the head with her other foot. "What an enzurghi kick by Rini!" Steven yelled. Rini picked up DDT and Sidewalk Slammed her. Rini covered 1...2...3! "Rini is the new Women's champion!" Steven screamed. Derek got back up, yelled "PUPPIES!" then fell back down.
ReyMooseJr vs. Kevin Michaels
Rey Moose Jr. came out first and then HBK. Pimp Daddy Derek licked his lips and screamed "SLOBBERKNOCKER". The bell rung and the match began. Rey Moose Jr. started with a flury of kicks and punches. HBK was backed into the corner. Rey stomped and kicked HBK until the ref stopped Rey phisically. Rey told the ref to stay out of his way or he'd get a pimpdriver. HBK got up and kicked Rey in the stomach and hit a DDT. Rey got up and HBK clothslined him down. HBK picked up Rey and threw him into the corner, climbed the ropes and started punching. 1,2,3,4, Rey head-butted HBK. HBK fell to the ground. Rey climbed the ropes and hit a top rope splash. 1,2,kickout. Rey hit a suplex and followed with a elbow drop. 1,2,kickout again. Rey russian leg sweeped HBK and signaled for the pimpdriver. The crowd went balistic. But when Rey went to grab HBK, HBK grabbed Reys tights and threw him out of the ring. HBK got up and went outside the ring to get Rey. HBK picked Rey up and slammed him against the ringpost and ring mat a few times, and rolled Rey back into the ring. HBK did a side-walk slam and signaled for Sweet & Sour Chin Music. "Theres Triple X" yelled PD Derek and Steven. Triple X ran down the aisle and hit Heart Break Kevin in the back of the head with a Porno Video!!!! HBK was knocked unconsious. "That ref is blind" said PD Derek. Rey regained his focus hit the pimpdriver and covered HBK. 1,2,3 Your winner Rey Moose Jr.
Triple X vs. Crispy
"Well folks this should be a great match, right Derek.... Derek? Derek still had the magazine that Triple X gave him last week. Crispy came out first, then Triple X came out throwing porno magazines and videos into the crowd as usual. The bell rang and the match started. Triple X and Crispy punched until Crispy raked XXX's eyes.Crispy nailed XXX with a hard right hand knocking him down. Triple X got up and recieved another right handin the face. Crispy threw XXX into the ropes and hit Triple X with a big boot in the mouth. "Ouch, thats gotta hurt hey Derek?" "Ya,sure,whatever" said Derek. Derek was still looking at the magazine. Crispy picked up XXX punched him in the face, bounced off the ropes and hit a clothsline that turned Triple X inside out. "Goodnight" said Steven. Crispy covered 1,2,kickout. The crowd cheered. Crispy picked up XXX and threw him into the corner. Crispy charged XXX but Triple X lifted his foot and Crispy hit it. Triple X followed up with a drop kick that knocked Crispy down. XXX covers 1,kickout. XXX then body slammed Crispy and started mocking Heart Break Kevin. Triple X yelled "Can't interfere in this match can you HB GAY!!! "Whats he talkin about" said Steven. A camera backstage showed a golfcart blocking HBK's locker room door so that HBK couldn't get out. Crispy had recovered and was standing. XXX turned around and Crispy DDT him. Crispy covers 1,2,kickout. Crispy side-suplexes XXX and sets up for the Crispy spear. Triple X seen Crispy and rolled out of the ring. When the refs count was at 7 XXX got back in the ring. Crispy tried to grab XXX but was kicked in the stomach by Triple X. Triple X threw Crispy into the ropes and lowered his head for a back body drop but Crispy stopped and piledrived XXX. Crispy again set up for the Crispy spear. Triple X got up and Crispy charged at XXX, but Triple X leap-frogged over Crispy and Crispy hit the middle rope turnbuckle. Triple X signaled for the Sexdegree. "Here it comes" said Steven. Wham Sexdegree. XXX covers 1,2,3.Your Winner Triple X "What a match" said Steven. "Ya, sure was" said Derek. Derek flipped threw the pages of the magazine.
Big Moose vs. Pane
Steven said,"I think you've had too much to drink and too much porn. Oh, Welcome back to UWM Saturday Night. Let's get this next match under way." The Big Moose walked down first. Derek showed Steven his porno mag. and said,"Look. She's got big boobies." Steven said,"Umm..That's nice." Pane came out next. "Look! It's Hardcore Howie!" Hardcore Howie ran out, knocked the ref out, and put on the ref's shirt. He grabbed the mike and said,"I will be the special guest ref for this match because like both of you, I am a super heavyweight." Steven said,"What is he talking about? He's no where near super heavyweight level." Big Moose and Pane agreed and the match was under way. Howie backed away and grabbed two chairs. Pane clotheslined the Big Moose but the Big Moose was still standing. Pane bounced off the ropes to do a running clothesline but the Big Moose gave him a Big Boot for his troubles. Pane was on the mat and Howie gave him a chair. Pane got up and hit Big Moose with the chair. Howie told Pane he was on his side and kicked the second chair over to the Big Moose without letting him see it. When Pane turned around, the Big Moose hit him with the chair. Howie told the Big Moose he was on his side. Steven said,"I wouldn't trust Howie.." Hardcore Howie told the Big Moose to work on Pane's back by hitting him with the chair and a russian leg sweep. When Big Moose bent down to pick the chair, Howie helped Pane up and told him Big Moose was gonna do a russian leg sweep. Big Moose hit Pane with the chair. Howie grabbed both the chairs and put them infront of Big Moose and Pane and then, climbed the turnbuckle. Big Moose went for the russian leg sweep but Pane elbowed him away. Hardcore Howie jumped off the turnbuckle and Bulldogged both of them on the chair. Hardcore Howie did a fast count out and said he won. Steven said,"Well, Howie can't win because he's the ref so I guess no one won." Hardcore Howie grabbed the mike and said,"I am the number one Super Heavyweight and I'll beat any Super Heavyweight to prove it."
Josh LeReux vs. Kef-Pac
Steven said,"This is it, the main event. Kef-Pac verses Josh LeReux for the no. 1 contender shot." Derek was asleep on the floor talking in his sleep about puppies. Kef-Pac ran out and into the ring. The crowd roared as he grabbed the mike and said,"I had to work my ass off to be the number one contender and I don't plan on losing it. If you're not down with that, I got two words for ya! KRAM IT!" The lights went out and Josh's music started playing. Josh LeReux walked out. Josh slowly got into the ring and Kef-Pac ran at him. Josh grabbed his throat. Steven said,"This is it. Josh LeReux is gonna chokeslam Kef-Pac and win." Josh lifted him up but Kef-Pac poked him in the eyes and did the X-Compactor. Steven yelled,"It's all over!" Kef-Pac covered and the ref counted 1.. and Josh kicked out. Josh whipped Kef-Pac to the ropes and gave him the big boot. Steven said,"That almost took his head off!" Josh did a Huge legdrop on Kef-Pac's throat and Kef-Pac doubled over on his leg. Josh covered. The ref counted 1..2. and Kef-Pac kicked out. "Two and a half. We almost had a new no. 1 Contender," said Steven. Hardcore Howie ran out. "What's he doing out here!?" asked Steven but Derek was too drunk to say anything other than puppies. Howie grabbed a chair and knocked the ref down. No one noticed because Josh and Kef-Pac were exchanging blows. Howie climbed the turnbuckle and did the Bulldog on Josh LeReux. Howie was stomping on Josh as Kef-Pac was looking on from behind. Kef-Pac tapped on Howies shoulder and when he turned around, Kef-Pac did the X-Compactor on Hardcore Howie. Derek licked his lips and said,"Puppies." EdgE666 ran out and speared Kef-Pac. EdgE666 picked Kef-Pac up and did the Moose Spiral on him. Howie got up. He pushed EdgE666 away. Steven said,"He wants Kef-Pac to himself and EdgE666 doesn't like that." EdgE666 throw Howie out of the ring and jumped out himself. They fought into the crowd. Kef-Pac slowly rolled over and covered Josh. The ref crawled over and counted 1...2....3. Kef-Pac won. Steven said," Kef-Pac is still the no. 1 contender for tomorrows pay-per-view, Wrestling Mayhem. He will face EdgE666 for the World Championship. Will The Rage,Moose Pack, or maybe Hardcore Howie be a factor? Order Wrestling Mayhem on pay-per-view to find out."